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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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Wednesday edition - August 24, 2011




Once-a-century earthquake rattles East Coast

A strong earthquake rattled the East Coast on Tuesday, sending tremors as far as Canada, damaging well-known buildings in the nation's capital and sending scared office workers into the streets

Earthquake knocks stones off National Cathedral

The East Coast earthquake damaged three of the four pinnacles atop the main tower of the landmark Washington National Cathedral on Tuesday, and there were visible cracks in the church's structure.

Washington Monument top cracked by earthquake

The National Park Service says engineers have found a crack near the top of the Washington Monument presumably caused by a magnitude-5.8 earthquake that shook the East Coast.


A 5.8 earthquake struck Eric Cantor's district and a hurricane is headed his way later this week. Wouldn't Jerry Falwell suggest God is targeting him?- Will Durst





"When they killed bin Laden, he had been locked in a house with three wives for six years. So when the SEALs broke in, he said, 'Just shoot me.'" –David Letterman

I Need A Rolaids


Obama virtually tied in re-election match-ups with Romney, Perry, Bachmann and Paul in new poll .President Barack Obama is virtually tied in potential re-election match-ups with four Republican presidential candidates in a new Gallup survey. Among registered voters, the president leads Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann by 4 percentage points and Texas Rep. Ron Paul by 2 points. He is tied with Texas Gov. Rick Perry and trails former Massachusetts Gov...





"Some people think Gadhafi will go into exile somewhere harmless where we can keep an eye on him. I’m thinking 'Dancing With the Stars.'" –Craig Ferguson

Republican Shenanigans


Even Teen Birth Rates Are Bigger in Texas




 Texas Gov. Rick Perry trying to explain that you should ignore his state's high rates of teen pregnancy and just trust him that his abstinence-only sex education policy works. The clip is from a sit-down that Perry did with Evan Smith of the Texas Tribune in October 2010, before he threw his hat in the ring for the 2012 GOP presidential primary.

Smith asks why the governor continues to promote policies that simply tell kids not to have sex when the state has the third-highest teen pregnancy rate in the US. The state actually appears to rank fourth in teen pregnancies, but third in teen birth rates. It's pretty bad either way.

First Perry insists that, "Abstinence works," despite being presented with evidence to the contrary.




"Joe Lieberman has written a memoir in which he reveals why having sex with his wife on the Sabbath is so important to him. It’s in the chapter called 'You Might Want to Skip This.'" –Conan O'Brien

Rock-The-Voter News

Apparently, Only Closeted Gays are Allowed in the GOP



Fred Karger, the only Californian - and the only gay candidate - in the 2012 Republican presidential field, says he knows plenty about closed doors. But shut out by his own party - and in his own state?


Everyone is watching the big global news story. We’re seeing historic changes rocking one of the most ruthless families on earth. That’s right, Kim Kardashian got married.- Craig Ferguson






Business News


Would you buy the world’s most expensive flip-flops?


The purchaser of this unique pair of sandals will save 100,000 square feet of jungle in Costa Rica.


Save the rain forest: Buy the world’s most expensive sandal.

U.S.-based footwear company Chipkos is selling the world’s most expensive flip-flops with an eco-friendly spin. The hand-painted sandals, priced at $18,000, come with the promise that Chipkos will protect 100,000 square feet of endangered rain forest in Costa Rica...Are the world’s ritziest flip-flops out of your price range? No worries; Stand for Square Feet also offers $42 versions of the shoe for men and women in different colors and prints. Each purchase of the more reasonably priced footwear will protect 100 square feet of land. The shoes can be bought online at .




I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re hoping for an end to the bloodshed, a peaceful transition to democracy, and . . . cheaper gas.- Craig Ferguson



Dear Lisa,

I really feel bad about never paying for your entertaining and informative website.

I have checked it every weekday since the Florida election debacle of 2000. My resistance to paying for things that are free of charge is very strong! However, I am now overcome with guilt. Please accept the enclosed $500 check for your talent and hard work on your website.





OMG! Thank you David! I am proselytizing before ye as I type this. I am thrilled that I entertained you all these years, and if I have my way, I will continue to do so for many years to come. Thank you not only for your generous contribution but thank you  for your words.



Please help keep me online


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Odd News




Would I love a pair of these? Oh yeah, if only I could run!

In this product Image provided by Adidas, the Adipure Trainer W, in intense blue and metallic silver, is shown. Adidas is trying to tap into the growing niche U.S. market of people who want to run in shoes that mimic the experience of running barefoot, but offer the protection, traction and durability of traditional athletic shoes.  Photo/Adidas






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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, Guide to Political Humor.







Daily Frontpage   Archives     You might be a right wing Republican if..What Liberal Media?   Republican Presidential Quotations   Bush-Cheney Political Contributions   Cream of the Crop Links  T-Shirts, Mugs and More    Please donate so I can put food on my family  Subscribe to AHNC About AHNC   Advertise on All Hat No Cattle  Contact me  Copyright Notice

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