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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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Friday edition - May 13, 2011




Big Oil CEO says ending tax breaks “un-American.”

Who knew a congressional hearing on oil and gas tax breaks could be so patriotic?

Two Senate Democrats made sure it would be after ConocoPhillips CEO James Mulva released a news release Wednesday that derided Democratic legislation repealing oil and gas tax breaks as "un-American."

Glenn Beck Blasts Meghan McCain 'Naked' on Skin Cancer PSA

"May I just say if you want to talk about essential, luscious, delicious, yummy, just -- just a delectable appetizer for the main course, it would have to be Meghan McCain's naked commercial. Oh. My stomach, hang on. I might have eaten something bad," Beck said while making fake vomiting noises.

Gingrich: GE "clever" to pay zero corporate taxes

 Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich said Friday that General Electric's aggressive legal and accounting strategy, which led to zero corporate tax payments last year, was a clever and rational response to the nation's high tax rates.


Newt Gingrich announced that he’s running for president on Twitter and Facebook. I think his concession speech will be on YouTube. - David Letterman





President Obama’s approval rating is the highest in two years. Experts say that at this rate, Obama can count on re-election if he just kills bin Laden two more times. - Conan



Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

In the latest WikiLeaks dump of classified government documents, hundreds of risk-assessment files on Guantanamo Bay detainees tell a "he said, he said" story of terror plots considered and potentially planned as a follow-up to the 9/11 attacks.




Republican Shenanigans


"Osama Bin Laden's supporters want to rename the Arabian Sea where his body was dumped Martyr Sea. Really? Martyr Sea? Hiding in your bedroom for six years? How about Chicken of the Sea?" -Jay Leno


What Do Bush, A Soufflé And Osama bin Laden Have In Common?


Former President George W. Bush was “not overjoyed” to learn of Osama bin Laden’s death, he said earlier this week as he recounted the call from President Barack Obama he received as he was eating a soufflé at a Dallas restaurant.




The Man Who Wants But Will Never Be President



Rick Santorum alerted Sen. John Ensign in 2009 that the husband of Ensign's mistress wanted to go public with the affair that ultimately ended the Nevada Republican's Senate career, according to a Senate ethics committee report released Thursday.

After Doug Hampton — then a top Ensign aide whose wife was involved with the senator — emailed Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly seeking a meeting to discuss the affair, Hampton also shared the email with Santorum seeking his help. Santorum quickly passed the email onto Ensign, according to the ethics committee report.



"Bristol Palin just announced she had corrective surgery on her mouth. It's being called the right procedure on the wrong Palin." –Conan O'Brien




Rock-The-Voter News


"I don't know if you've ever tasted Godfather's Pizza, but if he can keep that place from going bankrupt, he is an economic genius." –Stephen Colbert on GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain





Dog and Pony Show Holds A Dog And Pony Show


 The hearing was for verbally flogging oil company CEOs, and no senator bothered to pretend it was about making gasoline prices more affordable or helping the economy recover. Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch set the tone Thursday when he opened with a portrait of a dog sitting on a pony.



A TSA screener in Kansas City is facing criticism for giving a pat-down to an 8-month-old baby. You don’t pat down a baby! You stick him in a tray and run him through the X-ray machine. - Jimmy Fallon




You Won The Lottery! Oh, Wait, No, You Didn't!


 A computer glitch corrupted the State Department's annual worldwide lottery for U.S. immigrant visas and the results will be scratched, the Obama administration said Friday, disappointing tens of thousands of would-be immigrants who were notified this year that they had won a chance to come and live legally in the United States.


All Hat No Cattle Gift Box



"Bristol Palin said she had corrective surgery to fix her jaw, not cosmetic surgery. She must have gone to the same surgeon who corrected Victoria Beckham's breasts." –Jimmy Kimmel

Business News



CBS has offered Charlie Sheen’s role on “Two and a Half Men” to Hugh Grant. I wonder what the thought process was there: “Where can we find another actor who has been busted with hookers?” - Jimmy Kimmel


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Odd News



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Wishes to all for a peaceful weekend.


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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, Guide to Political Humor.







Daily Frontpage   Archives     You might be a right wing Republican if..What Liberal Media?   Republican Presidential Quotations   Bush-Cheney Political Contributions   Cream of the Crop Links  T-Shirts, Mugs and More    Please donate so I can put food on my family  Subscribe to AHNC About AHNC   Advertise on All Hat No Cattle  Contact me  Copyright Notice

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