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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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Moanday edition - June 27, 2011




Miss Florida USA Doesn't Understand Evolution, Fits Right In

The Miss USA contestants need to either read a textbook or shut the hell up.

Aside from the asinine, sexist 1950s mentality that the "competition" is based on, the annual beauty contest is intellectually damaging to the young women who are looking to them as role models.


Did Michele Bachmann "raise" 23 foster kids?

After her speech at the Republican Leadership Conference, I asked GOP presidential candidate and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann about her repeated claims that she has "raised" 23 foster children, a comment she reiterated in an interview with CNN following her speech.

Bachmann won't take Fox host's apology

Via POLITICO's Jennifer Epstein, Michele Bachmann isn't accepting an apology from Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace for asking her yesterday, "Are you a flake?"


President Obama announced the beginning of withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan. He said last night, “We can’t stay there indefinitely.” You think our troops in Korea are going, “HELLO, we’ve been here for 60 years.”
- Jay Leno


Panetta: From the CIA to the Pentagon.


The Senate on Tuesday unanimously approved the nomination of Leon Panetta to be the next Pentagon chief, handing him a crowded agenda of overseeing the drawdown of U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, tamping down congressional unrest over the Libyan conflict and cutting the budget.



A little information for the folks watching at home: Our entire studio audience tonight is all people who used to work for Newt Gingrich.- Jay Leno



Republican Shenanigans

Sore Loser Alaskan Bites Himself On Ass


 Failed Senate candidate Joe Miller must reimburse Alaska more than $17,000 in legal fees and costs incurred during his fight to overturn Lisa Murkowski's write-in victory, a state judge ruled on Friday.

Miller, a Tea Party favorite, beat the more moderate Murkowski in the Republican primary. But she then mounted a write-in candidacy in the general election and beat him by about 4.5 percentage points.



Rock-The-Voter News


According to reports, poor financial decisions with a Chicago brokerage firm cost Al-Qaida over $20 million in investments. Why are we risking the lives of our Navy SEALs? Send in Bernie Madoff. He will take care of these people. In five minutes they will be broke.- Jimmy Fallon




New York, New York


Many obstacles still lie ahead for supporters of same-sex marriage, and eventually they will need Congress or the Supreme Court to embrace their goal. For the moment, though, they are jubilantly channeling the lyrics of "New York, New York."








Sarah Palin is denying reports that her bus tour is canceled, and says it will resume "when the time comes." So there you go, everyone — it’s not canceled, she just stopped doing it and has no specific plans to start again.- Jimmy Fallon






 If your preschooler can't sleep — turn off the violence and nighttime TV.

That's the message in a new study that found sleep problems are more common in 3- to 5-year-olds who watch television after 7 p.m. Watching shows with violence — including kids' cartoons — also was tied to sleeping difficulties.


Business News


Chinese Thievery


Last week the Bank of China published a report entitled "How corrupt officials transfer assets overseas, and a study of monitoring." The report quoted statistics based on research by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. Since 1990, the number of Communist Party and government officials, public security members, judicial cadres, agents of State institutions, and senior management figures of state-owned enterprises fleeing China has reached nearly 18,000. Also missing is about 800 billion yuan (more than $120 billion).




Late Show Top Ten from David Letterman
Top Ten Signs Your Summer is Already Off to a Bad Start

10.  You've ingested more sun block that you've applied.

9. Your dog ate the only party balloon.

8. Only "A" on your kid's report card was the one in "A Moron."

7. Monday: 10 fingers; Tuesday: Repaired weed-whacker; Wednesday: 8 fingers.

6Your ticks have ticks.

5. Eyebrows still haven't grown back from Memorial Day barbecue incident.

4. You normally spend summer traveling with your best friends Jack Kevorkian and Osama bin Laden.

3. You've managed to swallow a volleyball.

2. Anthony Weiner won't stop sexting you creepy vacation photos.

1. You're here.




Hallelujah and Praise The Booty


You can now sleep soundly: Kim Kardashian’s giant backside is all natural.

The “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” reality television star, who has battled rumors that she underwent butt enhancement surgery, went in for an X-ray to prove she has never had plastic surgery to enhance her derrière.




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Thanks to Clay and Joyce, both of whom donated twice this fundraiser and a new supporter, James. Thank you!

Offline Donation - Lisa Casey - PO Box 88 - Ashford, AL 36312


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Odd News




Yoda greets fans following her victory at the 2011 World's Ugliest Dog Contest on Friday, June 24, 2011, in Petaluma, Calif. A a 14-year-old Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix, Yoda took home $1000 and a plethora of pet perks during the event at the Sonoma-Marin Fair.  Photo/Noah Berger





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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, Guide to Political Humor.







Daily Frontpage   Archives     You might be a right wing Republican if..What Liberal Media?   Republican Presidential Quotations   Bush-Cheney Political Contributions   Cream of the Crop Links  T-Shirts, Mugs and More    Please donate so I can put food on my family  Subscribe to AHNC About AHNC   Advertise on All Hat No Cattle  Contact me  Copyright Notice

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