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All Hat No Cattle laughs at people pretending to be something they're not. Toons and funny one liners to lessen the hard right blows.

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You might be a right wing Republican if...

  • … you think the right to life ends at birth.
  • … you think that corporations have more compassion than humans.
  • … you think trickle down economics actually trickles down.
  • … you understand that getting people to vote on abortion issues will keep you in office and let you pass tax cuts for the upper class.

  • You think that the best way to protect people from illegal drugs is to put them in prison.
  • You think "compassionate conservatism" is when you feel sorry for the homeless guy sleeping in the gutter as you step over him on your way to a $1000 a plate fundraiser for Tom Delay.
  • You are opposed to increasing the minimum wage and in favor of repealing taxes on inherited wealth.
  • You are opposed to Affirmative Action in college admissions and attended a private university as a "legacy."
  • You really believe that cutting taxes increases government revenues.
  • You believe in "Liberty and Justice for All" (rich, white, straight men)
  • You rant and rave about Liberals but have never actually met any.
  • You actually think that Fox News does not "spin."
  • You are rotating so fast that you think Fox News is standing still and the rest of the world is spinning.
  • You dodged the draft during Viet Nam (with Daddy's help) and now you question the courage and patriotism of men who came back with medals (and scars) and understand wars are bad.
  • You think that a president lying about getting a blowjob is far more serious than a president lying about the reasons for starting a war.
  • You think it is treasonous for a newspaper to report that the government is lying, using torture, invading someone's privacy or breaking the law but think it's okay for them to expose the identity of a covert CIA agent for partisan purposes.




  • You might be a right-wing Republican if you don't know that if it weren't for the French, we'd have lost the American Revolution.


  • you're for tax cuts for the rich because you actually believe that one day you'll be rich.


  • You might be a right-wing Repugnant, oops, I mean Republican, if you're against abortion but don't give a damn about those babies once they're born.


  • you try to make it complicated, but all Jesus was really saying was "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you."


  • you think that (compared to you), a whiskey-guzzling, coke-sniffing, draft-dodging loser is the cream of the American crop and the best this country could offer up for President.


  • you believe you protect freedom by sacrificing it.


  • You think Liberal slant is bad, but think Right Winger
    slant is just fine


  • You can’t see that claiming everyone else is a
    communist while your party’s color is red is being


  • You claim that speaking out against a president just
    because he’s George W Bush is un-American and
    unpatriotic, yet speaking out against Clinton even
    though he was president is being a good, patriotic


  • You believe that Ted Kennedy should be condemned for
    Chappaquiddick, but Laura Bush should be forgiven for
    killing her ex-boyfriend while she was driving.


  • You don’t see that if the Dixie Chicks had been
    commenting on Clinton, you would be praising them
    instead of trashing their CDs.


  • The 'lefty liberal Hollywood types' don't have the
    right to criticize Dubya's policy's and/or decisions,
    but the right-winger control freaks can criticize
    Clinton all they want


  • A person protesting against W is un-patriotic,
    un-American and should be shot, but a person
    protesting against Clinton is merely exercising his
    first amendment right


  • You believe that the worst Republican in the world is
    better than the best Democrat.


  • Abortion is murder, but killing the children in Iraq
    is liberating them


  • Clinton getting a blow job by a woman not his wife is
    an impeachable offense, but starting a war of lies by
    W, allowing prisoners to be tortured and taking
    freedoms away from your own countrymen is not.


  • You tell us to “get over it” because Bush took a
    second term, but you still haven’t gotten over
    Clinton, Liberals and France.


  • You believe that W is a ‘man of God’ although he does
    everything Christianity tells us NOT to do.


  • You are offended by Clinton’s extramarital affair, but
    aren’t concerned when W starts wars on lies and has
    thousands of innocents killed because of it.

  • ...You think NPR should be shut down.


  •  ...You think $3,000 is a fair price for your vote (what Gov. Bush gave Texas teachers in a pay raise shortly before announcing his candidacy for president in 2000).


  • ...You actually believe the election results in 2000 and 2004 were correct.

  • ...You believe free-speech is a felony.

  • ...You think the USA is the only 'free' country in the world.

  • ...You think the USA is the ONLY Super Power (because you have never heard of the EU).

  • ...You think national health care should be run by the insurance companies.

  • Thanks for the opportunity to do this.
    Santa Fe Dreamer


  • take dinner conversation cues from Bill O'Reilly:
    Normal person: "Pass the salt."
    Right-wing Republican: "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

    ...any time you're cornered into defending lawbreaking Republicans, you bring up Ted Kennedy and that's supposed to be the end of the argument. WANT Jean Schmidt. look like a moron on any talk show that isn't hosted by one of your buddies. (See O'Reilly on Letterman)

    ..."n*****" is a staple of your vocabulary. are angry for reasons you can't explain, talking it out only makes you angrier, and the only way to make you feel better is to quash someone socially below you. can hear, but are physically incapable of listening. spout talking points that have been proven false, hoping that it'll stick anyway. believe our president and government "just wouldn't do things to hurt its citizens."

    ...the phrase "eminent domain" is like a symphony to your ears.

    ~Kathleen Guilfoy
  • you value democracy, yet you hate democrats. - Slayton Myers

  • you firmly believe that the poor folks that got stuck in New
    Orleans are to blame for their own plight for not having the good sense to
    have high paying jobs that would have allowed them to purchase cars/SUVs
    to get out of town and afford hotels in safe areas. (Or having the
    good sense to be born into money.)

  • your head is up Uranus

  • you fail to see Ann Coulter as nothing more than every blonde joke
    made flesh.

  • You believe federal judges MAKE laws -

  • you're a "good Christian" but you hate more people than you love.

  • if you think Bush, not Cheney, is in charge

  • if you think Bach is
    beer. (

  • you think Jesus would support the death penalty, war, environmental
    destruction, the reduction of rights to women and minorities, and the
    cruel treatment of some prisoners in Guantanamo Bay


  • the idea that Bush II might be lying about his faith in Christ
    causes a pain behind your eyes.
  • if you think fighting in Iraq (or anywhere else) is like a computer
    game, and you think that troops should have to complete level one to
    get their body armor.
  • if you think Vietnam vets who supported Kerry should be booed on
    4th of July.
  • if you think corporate interests are national interests.
  • you think Tom Delay has class
  • you think Universal Health Care is bad but Corporate Welfare is
  • you finally have a news channel you can trust in Fox.
  • You believe that bombing Iraq has anything to do with September 11.
  • you believe Barbara Bush is a sweet old lady, who wouldn't hurt a fly
  • you have bumper stickers that read "nuke his ass" next to "I support life."
  • you believe less ozone is better for a quicker tan.
  • you support the AK-47's becoming legal. "It'll keep them doughnut eating cops on their toes."
  • You think Jesus is the same blond haired, blue eyed, white, Aryan
    featured dude as in the picture on your fridge.- Nick
  • you think Jesus Christ was a great conservative political  philosopher
  • you think acid rain helps cleans your driveway.
  • you believe "smok 'em out" is written in foreign policy.
  • your rifle gets more fondling than your wife.
  • you think no child left behind is a new bus service to the KKK rally.
  • you use "uh" as the seventh vowel.
  • you think Bush is the closest thing to God because of his ability to cause an apocalypse.
  • you think David Duke is from Hazzard County.
  • you are encouraged by Bush's C+ average scholastic history. "Gee, even you could rule the free world."
  • you think 'Hail to the Chief' would sound better being played on a steel guitar.
  • you confuse Stephanopoulos with Snuffagolpolus.
  • you believe Jesse Jackson is the anti-Christ and Jerry Falwell should be referred to "his popeness."
  • you are certain Bush has created jobs because you have three to pay for your heat bill.
  • you think "Dueling Banjos" should be the prelude for every press conference.
  • you thought "need some wood" in the debates promoted Viagra.
  • you believe the Iraqi elections will be fair just like ours.
  • you are against gay marriage but have no problem marrying your cousin.
  • you believe it was Clinton's fault for leaving to much money to play with.
  • you think Colin Powell should be replaced by Cooter.
  • you think Martin Luther King is the guy who built your street.
  • you blame Clinton for having jobs to lose.
  • you hate Michael Moore so much your thermostats read in Celsius.
  • you think mercury in your fish adds flavor.
  • you think the Republican Party likes you for more than your money.


...You're pro-life, pro-death penalty, and pro-war, as long as it
doesn't effect you personally. think "The Death of Outrage" by the former secretary of
education is a coherent title. are also addicted to hillbilly heroin think an AWOL national guardsman alfred e. neuman look-a-like
dictator is more patriotic and qualified to be President in 2004 than a
former NATO commander four star general rhodes scholar (wesley clark).
jenna, college student


...You actually believe ANYTHING Rummy says........


...if you believe that if you just work hard enough that someday you
too might be as filthy rich as Bush and his friends. think being born in Connecticut and moving to Texas make you a


...If you have no problem with our bombs finding Afghanistan or Iraq
even though most of our citizens can't find either country on the map.


...If you believe that the 700 Club is the only reliable news program
that doesn't air on FOX (Faux) News think that reading and investing in knowledge, as well as
working on your spelling skills, smacks of northern liberal snobbery
which has no place in the US, except perhaps in Massachusetts and in
Volvo-driving and New-York-Times-reading Vermont.


...You think labor unions are a communist plot.



...if you think it is unpatriotic and un-American to raise legitimate questions about Bush's foreign policy and Iraq strategy while we have young men and women in harm's way in Iraq, yet that same concern for patriotism was curiously absent when you blasted Bill Clinton WHILE WE HAD YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN IN HARM'S WAY IN


...You right an op-ed piece in a newspaper attacking Clinton's nominee
for attorney general because she was employing an illegal immigrant,
yet at the exact same time you are also employing an illegal


...When Democrats running for president attack President Bush, you
start whining and complaining like a little baby about so-called "vicious
rhetoric" against George W. Bush, yet you apparently had no problem
with vicious and brutal rhetoric against Clinton all throughout the



...You seem to think that there is a "liberal media", yet you
conveniently "forget" about the media never or almost never mentioning Bush's failed business deals where he lined his pockets while his investors
went broke, or how he had a stadium built in Texas and taxpayers got stuck
with the bill, or that Osama Bin Laden's brother was George W. Bush's
business partner in the 1970's, or about how Bush has not unsealed his
military records, despite promising to do so in May of 2000, and despite
the fact that both Al Gore and John McCain unsealed their military
records, or about Bush's National Guard commander saying that he never
showed up for duty between May of 1972 and October of 1973, or about how Bush's wife committed vehicular manslaughter and killed her
ex-boyfriend--there are, of course, many other things as well-but I'd be

here for a believe that the spread of AIDS can be stopped by pulling
funding for sex education and needle exchanges. are convinced that greed has gotten a bad rap. Eric M say that government can do nothing good while you reap the
usurious profits from you PATENTED pharmaceuticals. point to Sean Hannity and say, "See, Jesus can cure

...the only person of Asian heritage you know is your gardener, the
only person of Hispanic heritage you know is your garbage man, the only
person of African-American heritage you know is your cleaning lady, the
only homosexual you know is your interior decorator, yet you are sure
that you have a firm grasp of minority issues.

...the idea of living in a police state doesn't bother you all that
much. After all the government would NEVER go after innocent citizens
just because officials don't like their beliefs! (Look up 'Palmer rades'
and 'McCarthyism' in your encyclopedia, if you have one. Or go to the
library if you can find it.) Eric M


...the 'magic bullet' theory concocted by Arlen Spector, while he
worked for the Warren Commsion, makes perfect sense to you. Eric M pronounce nuclear as NEW-kyuh-luhr.

chewzr think any one motivated in their profession by something other
than making a profit is a communist. really believe that Bush the First's nomination of Clarence
Thomas to be on the Supreme Counrt following the retirement of Thurgood
Marshall wasn't cynically motivated.


...You think that "we" are the only country that has "true freedom".
-13-year-old liberal and proud of it


...You'd rather make money than breathe


...If you think African-Americans should stop whining because forty
years of affirmative action has magically erased the debilitating effects
of 246 years of slavery and 100 years of violent Jim Crow racism


...If you think that Clarence Thomas and Condoleezza Rice are the
greatest African-American leaders since Martin Luther King think Jesus actually spoke in Old English. STILL have that Dole/Kemp sticker on your Lincoln. believe Hillary Clinton will really divorce Bill and marry
Janet Reno. think that the women's movement started in the '60s, unaware that such activists as Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton were fighting for women's rights back in the latter half of the 19th Century.
Eric M think that any woman who has the temerity to think they should
receive equal rights under the law, in the workplace, and in general
are 'feminazis'. Eric M think that MSNBC, CNN, and all the other news channels other than Fox are secretly run by Satan. Eric M

...the numbers on the buttons you use to tune in Fox News have been worn off the remote for your cable box have been completely worn away.
Eric M publicly condemn the practice in some countries of firing guns into the air to celebrate, but privately think it's kind of a kewl idea. Eric M were outraged when Kitty Dukakis admitted to having a drinking problem, but don't understand why folks aren't more forgiving of Rush for getting a rush from pain pills. Eric M are convinced that Fed. Chairman Alan Greenspan truly cares how the changing economy and interest rates affect you, even if you aren't a major player on Wall Street. Eric M think corporate profits are more important than breathable air, potable water, and a diverse ecosystem. Eric M think anything bush says is the gospel and any criticism is the work of the lying liberals. won't watch the lerher report on pbs because it's not as
entertaining as fox news..

...just so long as your investment portfolio is doing well, it doesn't matter to you that 3,000,000+ Americans have lost their jobs under Dubya's watch. (Many of which will never return, as employers 'outsource' jobs to places like India, China, and Russia where they can pay employees chicken feed as opposed to the living wage Americans expect and
deserve.) Eric M

...when you see a homeless person, a panhandler, or a destitute 'bag lady' who is pushing her shopping cart full of her meager belongings down the street, you use your cell phone to call the police. Eric M

...If you Fart or Belch and say, That fer you Hilary

...Ann Coulter gives you a "woody". buy the BS that shrub says about why our troops are being
killed in daily attacks is because they hate freedom... John believe a billion a week in Iraq is making us safer even though high school kids can still get box cutters onto airplanes possess millions in unexplainable, unindictable, and now
untaxable cash're proud that Mr. Bush has implemented the toughest
voluntary pollution emission standards to date!



...You tell everyone how much you believe in free enterprise based on
merit and talent and in "traditional American values" such as free  speech, but if you ever found out that one of your employees or job  applicants supported "controversial" (read: progressive, liberal, or even  halfway intelligent) causes--on his or her own time and off any employer's  premises--you would do all you could to punish that person by demoting,  firing, or refusing to hire her or him. -Scott Enk, think that Sandra Day O'Connor is just too darned liberal!


...You refuse to use any product that has directions that say it
should be used 'liberally'. Eric Maietta



..You've never read the constitution, but feel you know exactly what
it says. Eric Maietta're convinced that anyone who complains about the loss of
civil/constitutional rights must be a criminal. Eric Maietta blame all the economic problems the nation faces on F.D.R. and
the New Deal. Eric Maietta wonder what's so wrong about being 'All Hat, No Cattle'. Eric
Maietta are an under-achieving drunk who is feeble enough to fail at
the oil business in Texas, but manages to insider-trade your way to a
profit, just in time to use the ill-gotten money to lobby the Texas
legislature to throw farmers off their land so you can have a place to
build a big new baseball stadium with taxpayers' money and money you
borrowed from your daddy, so you can make $20 million while claiming to be self-made...all so you could steal an election and run the country like
your oil business. think that the EU is a communist power. believe that Sweden is a communist country.



...your I.Q goes up after you get a lobotomy.'d rather hug a smokestack than hug a tree.


...You believe God is on your side.'re so anal retentive, you were born potty trained! Eric M think George III got a raw deal. believe it was the Iraqi's and not the Saudi's who attacked us
on 9/11 - Anonymous think signing 152 death warrants is something Jesus would have
done - Anonymous think it was okay to allow that plane load of Saudi's out of
the country just after 9/11 - anonymous listed Harvard as your second choice after Bob Jones University can't understand how anyone would ever want to visit Paris



...Dead set against socialism, but have no fear of the insanely bland,
cookie-cutter world being forced down your throat through corporate
ascendancy. (Walmart, Appleby's, AOL, and Fox News - what else would I


...the idea of Ahhnold as governor of California doesn't make you want
to projectile vomit! Eric M



...You say we live in a free country but suggest anyone who criticizes
Dubya should find another country to live in consider Sean Hannity one of the great intellects of the 21st
century. - Anonymous can reconcile the fact that Iraqi schools are being rebuilt
while our teachers are spending hundreds of dollars a year, from their own
pockets, on basic school supplies. think Dick Cheney actually gives a damn about anyone else but
himself and his cronies. consider members of NOW a bunch of uppity dykes but see Ann
Coulter as the next coming of Mother Theresa. believe Rush Limbaugh when he characterizes the military
deserter as a great American while the guy who finished #1 in his class at
West Point is a "Metrosexual". don't realize that Bob Jones University can be called ---- BJU


...if you think the media is "liberal."




...You're pro-life AND pro-death penalty - Nat- (aka Scepter )

 got upset about the low payments families of 9/11 victims
received, many under $1 million dollars, but think $8,000.00 is plenty for
the survivors of vets who died in action in Dubya Storm.
 believe there is anything patriotic about the PATRIOT act. think that Tom Ridge is qualified to run the Dept. of 'Homeland Security', despite his single digit I.Q.


...Having WiFi installed in Iraqi post offices is a sound financial
investment - Anonymous believe it was the Iraqis and not the Saudis who attacked us
on 9/11 - Anonymous



...It does lift your mood thinking of Uday and Qusay's bullet mangled
 think signing 152 death warrants is something Jesus would have
done - Anonymous think it was okay to allow that plane load of Saudi's out of
the country just after 9/11 - anonymous listed Harvard as your second choice after Bob Jones University. can't understand how anyone would ever want to visit Paris.



...You think Dubya fought in the revolutionary war.


...You don't see a connection between mental institutions' releasing
patients and the fact that Jesus Christ is petting the dog that told you
to kill everyone... believe that "Americans should be able to keep more of the
money they earn." Well, except for teachers, librarians, and anyone who
works for the state or federal government for under $50,000 a year.


... people count their fingers after shaking hands with you. Rod Talley claim to be a Patriot but can't identify any constitutional
amendments besides the first 2 think that the GOP was started by Thomas Jefferson....


...It's snowing in December; it must be Clinton's fault think it's great all the "ragheads" you wanted to bomb after 911 are liberated! think you will go to hell if you vote Democrat because of
the abortion issue, but you are in no danger of hell fire for sending
young people over to die for a trumped up war. -- Sydney

....Between choosing to send your kids to school or to war, you
choose the latter.-Drew,Rochester NY

...If you think the proposed museum to mock Bill Clinton is a great
idea (talk about being in dire need of a life). believe J.C. Watts left Congress to spend more time with his

...if you believe Joe Scarborough left Congress to spend more time with his family. -Lisa

...You think of Colin Powell as a "good" Negro I mean African-American believe Condoleeza Rice has any input in National Security, if
so why do we need Tom Ridge? believe bush was trying to fly back to D.C. on Sept. 11th truly believe that the current GOP is the party of Lincoln really believe that God can only see you as other people do,
and not thru you. believe that Slavery ended?! hear George W. Bush's voice and get an erection hear Ann Coulter's voice and you get an erection believe that Clarence Thomas and Ward Connerly are Black,
hahahahahahaha!!!!! SSG M. Anderson U.S. Army only have sex with your wife when a republikkkan wins -SSG M.
Anderson U.S. Army think Rita "Petunia Pig" Crosby from Faux is hot. -SSG M.
Anderson U.S. Army avoided military service but refer to the military as "our"
soldiers. -SSG M. Anderson U.S. Army

...your name has Dubya in the middle and you choke on pretzels in
your home theater!!!!!

...You believe in affirmative action for the privileged, but if it's
for the poor or minorities, it's unfair

...You think Bush is the most eloquent president we've ever had

...You think Al Gore is a radical

...You think any protection of workers is the work of commies

...You think that a repeat of those handy WWII internment camps will take care of all the terrorists (foreigners) before they even THINK of doing anything

...You whine about welfare mothers but count on major subsidies, tax breaks, etc. for your own corporation and still refuse to pay any more than minimum wage

...You whine about the "liberal media" but have had no trouble getting  your screed published and are making major $$$ believe that Timothy
McVeigh could not possibly have bombed the federal building in Oklahoma City, he was framed by some A-rabs. Devon just don't understand why "The Simpsons" is so popular.

......your hands are silky smooth and you've never had a blister. see no reason to shower more than once a week. actually believe Jesus Christ would support capital gains
tax cuts. only have sex with the lights off, and your socks on....and
then you pray for forgiveness. thought it was a damn, dirty shame what happened to poor Bob Livingston. can listen to Tom Delay for more than 2 minutes without
vomiting. Jim Walker

... you really believe the framers intended for you to own a
Mack-10.'d prefer that a woman give birth to an ancephalic baby than
allow her to have an abortion (that means the baby HAS NO BRAIN, you idiot). find the FOX News Channel to be "fair and balanced."

...You believe that Pat Robertson is a good, honest man even though he prayed for the DEATH of three Supreme court judges...

...You think WWII started in 1941

...You desert your post in the armed services during a time of war
but still think sending other people off to be killed in a foreign land
is a pretty good idea.

...The federal government should stay out of states' rights -- unless
it can assist you in stealing an election. honestly think that the fact that Dubya's lie about the
Saddam-Africa uranium link isn't that important since he only used '16 words' to tell it. Eric M

"...God Bless America...first, and then Houston...Amen."

...If, like our president and his handlers, you choose policy
positions with your "gut," not your brain, let alone your heart. You can be sure you're one of them if you then equate disagreement with traitorous disloyalty and moral corruption. think Thomas Jefferson was a commie for suggesting dissent
is the highest form of patriotism. -NJ're proud that Mr. Bush has implemented the toughest
voluntary pollution emission standards to date!

...if you support invading countries that you have never even heard
of -Carlos have no problem with the title of Bill Bennett's new book
"How to Win at Blackjack." support GW's plan to funnel tax dollars to faith-based
charities while allowing them to discriminate in their hiring practices. think that the republican mascot was modeled after you...

...You can't spell school, but you think that dems should quit
complaining bout the lack of Edjimification... think that everyone that isn't a white christian straight male
with a hefty 401k is working for Osama Bin Laden

...Glue is your intellectual equal

...You believe that the presidency belongs to "whoever called it" see no connection between the high approval rating and the mass deployment of troops... have a copy of the bible that says that Jesus was a white
American... voted for Dubya because his nickname was easy to spell think anyone who suggests our foreign policies for the last 50
years haven't always been consistent with our stated ideals, and have instead put corporate profits ahead of democracy, justice, and human rights and such actions have no affect on us and the rest of the world, and anyone who suggests those things are just "blaming America first"

...If you believe there were Dixie Chicks CD burning events because
"people in this country are tired of hearing insults against our
commander-in-chief" (actual statement made by a family member), and wasn't sponsored, promoted, and organized by Clear Channel radio stations, who's CEO has been a George Bush crony going back to his oil company days in Texas nor had anything to do with the billions of dollars to be made by corporate media in FCC regulations legislation pending in Congress

...don't understand that waving the flag, supporting your leaders, and questioning the patriotism of anyone who questions the government would have made you a fine citizen of Iraq, Nazi Germany, and Soviet Russia too

...Live in the rural Midwest, where every farm and small town has been decimated, and still vote republican cause people like Reagan, George W, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, and Dick Armey have your "real" concerns in mind

...You don't make the connection between Enron, Worldcom, the fact
that 12 guys with box cutters can hijack 4 airplanes, the energy crisis in California, the sorry state of radio, the monopolization of media, the shocking state of health care, and the rise of corporate control with 20 plus years or Republican's deregulating everything in site.

...You physically and verbally attack a fellow citizen who fails to
stand at attention when Lee Greenwood's song "proud to be an American" is played at a stock car race-true story

...You believe the doctrine of Pre-emptive war against a country that
may someday threaten us and our interests is a great idea, and also
believe that Japan was "treacherous" for attacking pearl harbor

...You watch Fox news and consider yourself informed, yet consider
yourself so much better off than people in the old Soviet Union were with Pravda

...You think Sean Penn, the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen and all those
"hollyweird liberals" should just shut the hell up, but Charlton Heston, Ted Nugent, the "arnold" et cet et cet can say what they want defend the very rich while you live in a trailer. - Sierra're against abortion rights AND welfare for those children born
to those unable to support them. claim that people on the left wing are communists,but you are
all for keeping the rich rich and the poor poor... would spend $2,000 to eat a hot dog at a fundraiser.


...if you believe that "W" was protecting Nebraska on 9/11 or that he
wanted to go where the action was. (Remember his Viet Nam heroics...)

...if your only source of information is "Faux News".

...while other children were playing with Lincoln Logs, board games,
and tag, you were helping Daddy pick out which families to evict this

...the one thing that stands between you and poverty is your trust
fund. Eric M're over 30 years old and still have to get your mother's
approval before you can date someone. Eric M

...Your favorite erotic literature is the quarterly treasury interest
quotes on long-term t-bills. Eric M don't support sex outside of marriage since you're married, and
you still can't get any. Eric M

...You declare that any ordinary American can make it to top
completely on their own, and use Bill Gates and W. Bush as examples. would rather have sex with Sandra Day O'Connor than Sandra
Bullock!! would rather see a nude photo of Sandra Day O'connor than
Sandra Bullock

...If hearing Bill Clinton's name raised during every debate over
Bush's policies (foreign or domestic) doesn't get monotonous. Somehow, "well Clinton did..." seems like the perfect counterpoint to anything a liberal says. Josh D. believe God Guns and Guts is either moral, logical or literate. -anonymous use Jesus and guns in the same sentence.


...your solution for everything are tax cuts - aaron think the fact that under Dubya's rule we now have fewer jobs, a shaky economy, and a multi-billion-dollar deficit--rather than the expanding economy, low unemployment and multi-billion-dollar surplus we had when Clinton left office--is still somehow Clinton's fault. think other people should have fewer children but you won't allow sex education in schools because those horny teenagers might get ideas. by Syd really think creationism is a science, Darwin was the devil, and all those million-year-old fossils were put into the geologic substrate by a God with a warped sense of humor strictly to pinpoint the godless and make them easier to send to hell.  by Syd'd rather build prisons than schools.    by Syd think for a second your money makes you a better person. own a chocolate company that has "temp" workers that have been there for 10 years with no benefits or paid time off. write a book called "the book of virtues" and then blow $8M in gambling over the course of 10+ years

...that sleeping with your first cousin is alright but god forbid two people of the same gender try and build a life together.

...if you think Choice Point should come and re-invent the voting process in your state, too.

...if for a second you think we "won" in iraq when all we really won was the ire of the iraqi people and the european union voting to slap sky-high tariffs on all american imports in retaliation for our "just war of liberation." think "children are our most precious gift" and then think it's ok to bomb the sh*t out of a country where 50% of the population is under the age of 15 think that having a few thousand dollars in an employer sponsored 401(k) makes you part of the "investor class" scream at women that life is sacred and abortion is not a choice but never have gone and adopted at least a 6-pack of the "special needs" and unwanted children yourself can't wait for President Jeb Bush in 2008.'ve never looked up the definition of 'liberal', but you know it's gotta have something to do with commies.. call yourself "pro-life" when all you really care about is the birth.  Then the poor schlub is on his/her own 'cause "I've given you the chance."
John P. are convinced that quiche is part of a French conspiracy to deplete good red-blooded Americans of their 'precious bodily fluids'. Eric M

...the fact that your parents only owned one house and one car, in your mind, qualifies you as an expert on growing up underprivileged. Eric M

...You think that 9/11 changed the world think Rick Santorum is getting a bum rap for his homophobic comments. KNOW that god's on your side. love to tell everyone else what to do, as long as you can do what you
want. learned that lobotomies don't hurt after all ! stopped thinking years ago. recently sent a letter to Dubya suggesting that the next target in the
'War on Terror' should be the DNC National HQ. have ever offered to donate a gas chamber to a homeless shelter.

...your i.q. is the same as your tax bracket. Eric M think that we should nuke North Korea back into the stone age. think Bill O'Reilly's Fox News show really is a 'no spin zone'.

...the Nevada state Gaming Commission sends you a birthday card and fruit
basket every year.

...your bookie has you on speed dial. believe that Dick Cheney "EARNS" $31million/year with absolutely no conflict of interest! (this is from a true, living conversation w/ a RW Repub.) really believe that all the millionaire brothers & sisters in the
Republican party really "earned" their milllions! think that "global warming" means that the rest of the world is starting to "warm up" to Dubya! really believe that George is running this country and do not know who Cheney, Rumsfield, Rove and Ashcroft are.

.....You think the people have forgotten the first person to die in the
revolutionary war, or just as importantly, Kent state and anyone before or since who has spoken against these thieves of our livelihood! think you're middle class but you're really just upper white trash claim to be a virtuous Catholic and disregard the Pope on the death
penalty and the so-called war with Iraq.  You also think that lust is worse than gluttony, greed and wrath.  Ya wanna bet eight million that God doesn't? secretly wish that poor and disabled people who cannot afford
prescription medications would just drop dead, so you can keep your hard-earned wages, interest, and dividends to yourself. still believe President Clinton should have resigned from office and
been thrown in jail for hiding his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Yet, you are
also convinced that America's self-appointed grand inquisitor of morality, Bill Bennett's hiding a multi-million dollar gambling problem while sitting in
judgment on anyone he doesn't approve of is no biggie. have no sympathy for anyone who didn't have the good sense to be born into a rich, politically influential family. Eric M

...You think the Catholic church is too liberal. just can't seem to hear the sound of a wounded, hungry, lonely child
-here or in Iraq- and can't even lip-read our "neighbors to the north" because your head is in a deep dark warm place and it feels so cozy you just don't want to pull it out!  You support our troops all right. - because so far, all you've had to do is drive to the mall and buy a big ol' flag and a hubba-bubba I love 'Murica decal...Uh-huh! Yah know, yah just can't flag yo' way to heaven no more..that  kinda crap don't cut it with the Lord! think that self-styled "morality czar" Bill Bennett is being unfairly
singled out for criticism for losing millions in casino gambling...

...You own an autographed photo of Rick Santorum.

...It takes you up to five times as long to drive anywhere, because you refuse to go left, even when driving! can't quite see just how hypocritical it is for the U.S. to brag about
freeing the Iraqi people from a repressive dictatorship, when we have a long,shameful history of cozying up to repressive dictators such as Francisco Franco of Spain, Mohammed Reza Pahlavi the Shah of Iran, Juan Domingo Perón of Argentina, Fulgencio Batista of Cuba, Chang-Kai Shek of China, not to mention Saddam Hussein when he was invading Iran.  Eric M think that Christian faith will fix anything that can't be fixed by the
free market. believe "supporting our troops" means cheerleading the war in Iraq while turning a blind eye to Bush's tax plan which will cut nearly 15 billion dollars in Revenue from the VA over a ten year period- Michael Atwood email: value your freedom of speech, but think that anyone else who disagrees with you should keep their mouths shut. still wonder about that Tinky-Winky Teletubbie character! wonder why we need all them artsy-fartsy artifacts from Iraqi
museums, anyway. believe that Oliver North deserves the Medal of Honor for helping the
Reagan administration circumvent U.S. law regarding aid to the Contras and giving weapons for hostages, when, in fact, he should be in the Army punishment barracks in Leavenworth, KS making big rocks into little ones for acts unbecoming an officer of the U.S. army. think the term "freedom fries" is a real zinger



...when you saw Tiger Woods standing on the golf course for the first time on TV, you automatically assumed he was the caddie.


...You are pro life and pro capital punishment at the same time



...catch-phrases such as "shock & awe", collateral damage", "targets of
opportunity", et. al. give you such a woody that FOXNEWS is now your daily
substitute for hard-core porn. believe that, come Judgment Day, when we're all waiting to see if we'll be allowed into Heaven, good ol' Dubya is gonna be immediately shown through the Pearly Gates - those poseurs Mother Teresa and the Pope are just gonna have to wait their turn in line believe Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward should have been hanged for their treasonous acts against the the Republican Party... I mean... against the country



...You think Madonna is a whore, but you can't take your eyes off Ann
Coulter's boobs



...You hate all those Frenchies..except LePen! refuse to acknowledge that the media does not tell you what to tells you what to think about. think Lesbians shouldn't be able to pro-create but you wouldn't let them get an abortion either. think the U.S. REALLY wants a democratic society (one man - one vote) in Iraq. 60% of Iraq is Shiite. So Bush wants the Shiites in charge? I don't think so...



...You don't have a library card, don't have a computer, don't take a newspaper but never miss Fox news. refer to the Holy Trinity as Bush, Cheney, and Ashcroft and you refer
to Charlton Heston as the other white Jesus'.


...the thought of a poor black woman having a baby makes you physically ill.



...You are waiting for the supreme court to give you permission to pray . can't figure out why people laughed so much at Archie Bunker. honestly think that Saudi Arabia, Syria, Iran, Jordan, and all the other Arab nations really want Iraq to have a democratic government, even though none of them have one. Eric M hold strong opinions of things you don't understand .



...You not only pick on little countries with little military power, but also
attack our oldest allies, and then take on members of your own party who dare to disagree with you on a single issue. think former Enron and Worldcom executives should be appointed to the SEC.



...You believe if it weren't for the U.S. the French would be speaking German, without realizing that if it weren't for the French we'd all be speaking Cherokee have silver in your hair, gold in your teeth, and lead in your pants! make a special trip to the hardware store each month to buy
quarter-sized washers to throw in the cups of panhandlers you come across in your travels. just can't understand why your employees feel they need to have the minimum wage raised, when you give them a free cup of coffee each morning! made your fortune the old fashioned way, you inherited it! far as you're concerned, the last immigrants who should have been allowed into the country came over on the Mayflower. think that Iran is an Arab country.


Eric M


...if you think that 'oxymoron' is a new brand of acne treatment.



...the fact that U.S. armed forces were ordered to secure the Iraqi oil
ministry, oil fields, and refineries while they let the Iraqi central bank and museums chock full of irreplaceable antiquities and artifacts to be looted
doesn't mean that this was a war for oil. Eric M pick who to vote for by how much their election will benefit your
investment portfolio. Eric M are convinced that greed is a moral imperative. Eric M



...Dubya and his handlers have you convinced that their dividend tax cut, which benefits people making $200,000.00 a year and up most, will somehow benefit people who hold minimum wage jobs. Eric M have a 'Be American, buy American!' bumper-sticker on your BMW. Eric M



...your favorite verse from the Bible is 'those that do not work, do not eat'. are convinced that Dubya won the 2000 Presidential Election fair and square! hope and pray that Sandra Day O'Connor will leave the Supreme Court soon so that Dubya can add another 'right thinking' justice to the court. Eric M believe that the NRA is defending the Constitution and not the ACLU feel that the Supreme Court upholding liberal legislation is improper judicial activism, but when the Supreme Court upholds right-wing legislation, it is just doing its job. Eric M


...them 'lefty liberal Hollywood types' don't have the right to criticize
Dubya's policy's and/or decisions, but morons like the three stooges of the 21st Century on 'Fox and Friends' have every right to use their 1st amendment rights of free expression to demonize anyone who dares question anything Dubya does or says, no matter how foolish or brainless it might be. a Conservative Christian, you wonder why so many people keep calling the son of God "Jesus". you felt sure he was named "Rush L." think there are enough $5million per year jobs out there for everyone to have one, if they'd only work hard enough.


...You think tying a yellow ribbon is patriotic, forgetting that the original
song is about a convicted felon coming home after serving time, and forgetting even further that yellow is the color of cowardice. (So tie a yellow ribbon around Dubya's neck, pardner, tie it really tight)
 firmly believe the N.R.A. bromide "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.",  but can't quite see how this also might apply to drugs. believe Saddam poses the same level of threat to the World today, with his outdated and demoralized army, that Nazi Germany did back in the 1930s and 1940s with its well equipped and well led armed forces. think you are defeating...rather than causing more terrorism and hatred all over this planet.. listen to Rush Limbaugh in order to figure out what you're supposed to think. despise, hate and fear 'freedom of speech' that does not echo the views of the powers that are now in control. regularly write letters to the U.S. mint demanding that they take F.D.R. off of the dime and replace him with Senator Joseph McCarthy. think that since 'our boys' have defeated Sad. H, that we own the
country and its resources and we (or our puppets) are the only ones worthy of ruling Iraq. honestly think the U.S. defeated Nazi Germany virtually single-handed in World War II. (Ignoring the fact that 3/4 of the military might of the Wehrmacht was sent against the U.S.S.R. from the start of Operation Barbarossa until the end of the war. think 'punishing' Canada in trade matters or at border crossings, you will still get the 94% of natural gas, and all the other resources you are
greedy enough to think is your right...


...when you watch a baseball or hockey game where one team is Canadian, you get upset that they play that other anthem after ours! save all the pennies you get, 'cause your sure that copper prices are going to go through the roof one of these days! (Not realizing that pennies minted now contain only a small amount of copper, and are made mostly of an inexpensive alloy.) Eric M



...the aggregate  I.Q. of the brain-trust you hang out with is below the
average temperature in mid-Winter Alaska, but you all consider yourselves smart fellas 'cause you watch FoxNews!  Eric M



......the misuse of the word 'compassion' is nothing compared to the past
misuse of the word 'is' believe Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA," is our country's
national anthem think those who see this war as immoral are against our troops, rather than against the illegal decision to invade...



...when you hear about starving Iraqis on the news due to the U.N. sanctions, you think 'Let them eat oil!'



...the government subsidizing and financial assistance to the poor, disabled, and elderly is abhorrent to you, but having the government subsidize multi-million and billion dollar corporations is just fine with you! think its fair for the DOD to deduct the disability payments disabled vets receive from their pension payments, when no other Federal employees are hit with this penalty, the worst risk most of them ever faced at work was a paper cut. think that rich people are an oppressed minority. don't seem to realize that the only reason Dubya may have cried each time Texas executed someone during his tenure as Governor is because he didn't have the privilege of pulling the switch himself. the face of crime statistics that show that only 5% of the violent crimes in this country are committed by people with mental illness, you firmly believe that most mentally ill people should be locked up and the key thrown away. can't see the resemblance between Dubya and Howdy Doody.


...Amos 'n Andy was one of your favorite tv shows, and you just can't
understand why black people would be offended by it.

...a charity asking you for $22.00 a month to keep a child in a third world
country healthy seems like a real imposition, yet you have no problems spending hundreds of dollars a year to keep the grass in your lawn healthy. are convinced that the Bill of Rights is was cooked up by lefty, commie, pinkos, and should be repealed for the good of the country.



...all the books about American history you have ever read were written by Lilly White and her son, Whitey Backlash. oppose universal health care. In your way of thinking, people who can't afford adequate health insurance are just sh*t out of luck! think Dubya's 'economic stimulus package', whick will mainly help his
ultra-rich pals get wealthier, has you thinking that this will somehow help the rest of us.


..flag burning, to your way of thinking, should be a capitol offense.


...your favorite phrase with reference to minority groups is, "Some of my best friends are . . .", but they aren't, really. think Ebenezer Scrooge was a spineless sellout.



...when Halloween rolls around, you turn out all the lights in your house and hide in the basement. You won't support begging of any kind!


...when approached by a panhandler, tell them to "get a job!", but wouldn't dream of giving someone like that a job at your company!


...when you see an African-American, even an elderly one, coming towards you, you cross the street, just to be safe. get more upset if your local liquor store runs out of your brand of beer than if some poor slobs who can't find work in a lousy economy have their unemployment benefits run out. sip brandy and smoke expensive, imported cigars with your cronies at your favorite cigar bar, but oppose the opening of liquor stores in your neighborhood and think smoking cigarettes should be banned everywhere.



...the last time you went out to eat with your friends and picked up the check, Eisenhower was president.



...the local branch of the John Birch Society banned you from their meetings because you are too reactionary for their tastes.



...the F.B.I. has told you to stop writing love letters to Bob and/or Elizabeth


...Sandra Day O'Connor is your love goddess.



...Geraldo Rivera giving away information on the location and movements of U.S. troops in a combat situation doesn't bother you, after all he works for Fox News, and they can do no wrong! are still convinced that Enron will be making a comeback any day now. make more dollars than sense. still carry a grudge about what happened to that nice, young Senator Joseph McCarthy



...when you see a liberal protestor being beaten up by a policeman, you become sexually aroused.


...the painting 'Dogs Playing Poker' is your idea of truly great art!



...being a 'ditto-head' is your proudest achievement in life. would just as soon shave your head and join the Hare Krishnas, then go to a fine arts museum.


...listening to talk radio keeps you 'informed'. Eric M


...Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and the Fox and Friends gang have all
subscribed to your newsletter.



...Strom Thurmond sends you a birthday card every year. wrote and published a book of poetry entitled 'The Joys of Supply-Side Economics'. would send more hate-mail to those stinking, commie, pinko, unpatriotic, liberal Congressman, but it takes so long to get one out typing with one finger.


...the less you know about a subject, the stronger your opinions are concerning it. you, having an unqualified Republican in the White House is better than having a qualified Democrat there. have the best PC money can buy, but don't have a clue as to what to do with it once you turn it on.



...when Ronald Reagan testified that he didn't recall being told about the
Iran/Contra deals, you believed him. get props for your "consistent" policy from your friends, but you
have more waffles than Belgium. (Interrobang) think that if Canada doesn't say "How high?" on the way up when the US says "Jump!", the US is perfectly justified in squashing Canada like a bug.
(This goes for Canadian "Right-Wing Republicans" too!) really think that the US military "defends" Canada (and Mexico) from
something, and that therefore those other countries "owe us" something.



… you fail to see the hypocrisy of ignoring the U.N. to show Saddam you do
not ignore the U.N., thereby bypassing the democratic process in order to put democracy into Iraq. think supply side makes sense, because side dishes are your favorite. believe FOX News is actually 'Fair and Balanced Reporting'.



...abortion is murder, but the bombing of children is collateral damage. protect your freedoms by taking freedoms away from everyone else.




...You ramble on and on about those who fought and died for our freedoms, then turn a blind eye to those who fought and lived.

Brian in Knoxville


...You can't see the sick irony in using weapons of mass destruction to attack a country that you suspect has weapons of mass destruction believe that anyone who talks of peace is either a communist or is
providing aid to the terrorists. would rather have something that belonged to Hitler instead of something that belonged to John F Kennedy because Kennedy cheated on his wife and Hitler did not. (true story) blather that US troops in Iraq are "fighting for our freedoms" and in the same breath say that those anti-American protesters oughta be all shipped to concentration camps or into Iraq where they can be "turned into mist by our boys over there". -'re open-minded enough to try to find humor in the stuff on this page but just don't see it, try as you may. :D


...your Dubya ass-kissing neighborhood rallies when Dubya liberates the poor suffering people of Iraq, but has a hissy fit when the first family of those towel heads move into YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!!!!



... you make education your "number one priority" and then list it THIRD on
your campaign website's list of important platform stands believe 49% of the popular vote constitutes a mandate from the people've done as you're told and completely forgotten about Bin Laden, whose capture we were promised by the President was supposed to be "our number one priority" ( quoted Sept 2001) now doesn't really matter and (according to the president again) that Bin Laden is "NOT a priority" (quoted January 2003). really think there's a link between Hussein and Bin Laden, when
Hussein has violently suppressed fundamentalism in Iraq for 20 years. think it makes sense that we spent 50 million dollars to discover
Clinton got a hummer from a groupie, but only 10 million to investigate how 19 terrorists hijacked 4 jet liners, destroyed the two largest buildings east of the Mississippi, and killed three thousand people in the most successful
terrorist event in our nation's history.


...your favorite exercise is dressing in a white sheet and scaring the new
neighbors. have one of those Charlton Heston is my other president bumper
stickers. have been unemployed for a year or more and still continue to blame Clinton for your plight while singing the praises of an administration that hardly gives a s**t about you! firmly believe that the phrases, "right to life" and "right to own guns"
are synonymous. consider anyone who makes less than $100,000.00 a year to be dirt poor.



...If you now use the phrase "mother of all bombs" to refer to a particular
weapon, because it makes you feel nurtured, like your own mother used to

I bet that's how shrub feels. think tax cuts for the rich are going to help this economy



...You believe that the country club serving you red, white and blue cupcakes is a masterful stroke of patriotism. agree in principal that the U.S. should seek energy self sufficiency,
but you drive an SUV that gets 11 miles per gallon. think the robber-barons of the late 19th Century were just
misunderstood. Eric M think the president should be chosen by the supreme court from now on.  That darned democratic process is just too darned messy!  Eric M think "The Green Berets" is the best movie ever made. think more spending for more jails is the answer to less spending for social programs believe in the sanctity of life from the moment of conception right up to the moment of birth. rambler american enjoy sending sons and daughters of the less fortunate into battle for your own personal political gain call the media liberal and then can't name one person fitting in that category think that trimming the proposed tax cut in half actually qualifies as a tax increase.



...patriotism means love for your government, not love for your country. Leslie in Canada hold Rush Limbaugh, Savage, Hannity, O'Reilly, and Coulter on the same level as Billy Graham, Pat Buchanan and the believuhs at TBN don't think we need allies, just as long as we can scare the
you-know-what out of everybody with our cool new 'preemptive war' policy! don't think it actually matters if we find any weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq. After all, that wiley S.O.B. Saddam probably just ate
them, or made them turn invisible! think all these retired military types who have been out of the 'loop' for years and years that the TV networks have dredged up actually know what they're talking about. think Peter Arnett is a back-stabbing traitor and should be hanged for
saying on Iraqi TV basically the same thing U.S. generals and pundits have been saying all along. support the repeal of the dividend tax but oppose raising the minimum wage to a living wage.


...the only Democrat you are impressed with is John C. Calhoun. think that 'public assistance' should consist of giving the poor,
disabled, and elderly a one-way bus ticket to Canada. Bob the Blob think sending one billion of dollars to Turkey, when many States are having to cut essential services to the disabled and elderly due to revenue shortfalls, is a real good idea. honestly feel that changing the name 'French fries' to 'Freedom fries' will really teach those back-stabbing Frenchies a lesson! think that France, Germany, Russia, and Turkey have a lot of nerve thinking they can go around having their own foreign policies separate from ours!



...You can use the phrase "compassionate conservative" with a straight face while threatening reporters into not filming the thousands of innocent Iraqi dead.


...You think that war could have been avoided if only Saddam had started a money-grubbing oil company like any normal dictator.


...Your "Leave No Child Behind" does not include the thousands of economically deprived American minority member children even now being sent off to die so you only have to pay 40 cents to the gallon.



...You think George W. and Dumbo don't look alike think the only thing standing between you & fabulous wealth with Paradise on Earth is giving the richest people in the country all their tax money back, letting endangered species die, dangerous or untrustworthy industries "regulate" themselves, making high-paid doctors & HMO's immune from lawsuits when they f*ck up or deny somebody treatment, and beating the hell out of anybody who has the gall to ask to be treated like a real human being even if they can't afford to give thousands of dollars to your campaign.

Well stated. Are you Paul Begala? eat babies....... (OK, it's an exaggeration, but it's the most succinct & over-the-top way I could think of for showing how f*cked up the Republican Guard in DC really is)


I understand.



...your favorite insults include "Professor", "intellectual", or "peace-monger".


...your attention span shuts off after anything more than a 6-second soundbite. have two ways of clearing your bowels of filth: orally AND anally.


...the terms "conflict of interest" and "insider trading" mean nothing to you & your pals at Halliburton, Harken, Enron, & whatever Savings & Loan Neil Bush ripped off.


...a cushy Texas Air National Guard hideaway from the horrors of Vietnam is too much for your cocaine & whiskey saturated ass to handle, let alone be grateful for (unlike the thousands of un-connected Blacks & poor people who simply had to risk coming home in tiny little pieces in a bodybag)!



...You can't understand this quote: "To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." --Theodore Roosevelt, 1918 think that "freedom" for iraq is the same a "crusade" in which they should be purged with the flames of salvation

...You have an American Flag on your Lincoln HAVE a Lincoln Navigator


...Clinton's pen*s is still of greater concern to you, than the number of dead iraqi children in this war


...your idea of "the ultimate sacrifice" would be having your multi-millionaires-only tax cut welfare dropped from $700 billion to a "mere" $400 billion during a war. are so dense that you can't see how legitimizing "pre-emptive" wars will be a disaster for global stability. seem oblivious to the meaning of the word "hypocrite" you double talking veterans-benefits-slashing-during-war-right-to-life-unless-it's-a black-man-whose-lawyer-slept-through-the-trial-corporate-welfare giving SUV(Stupid Ugly Vulgar)-driving police-state-loving chickenhawk!!! claim to be "pro life" while enthusiastically supporting the death
penalty. claim to have "gone broke" by paying taxes. Tracy C. aren't taking comfort in the fact that the Big Shrub's chances of re-election (not that he was elected in the first place) are shrinking, casualty by casualty.... Susan from Florida've never actually met a black person who's not hired help.'re very, very good at saying, "Let's you and him fight." think liberating people means sending them to heaven - Thomas Tomello think Bush is not a crazed, short-tempered, moron - Anonymous love "Freedom Fries" "Freedom Toast" "Freedom Kiss," Vi Va la Amercian! do not remember the French getting out of Viet Nam in 1954 and not listening to the French in 2003. think we have a free press. believe Iraq was a real threat to the US. worry about blacks on welfare. believe that Fox News and the Bible are the only two sources worthy of trust. believe a republican calling for democracy is anything more than a call for privatization of resources buy American flags made in China, Pakistan, etc. think Strom Thurmond winning the presidency really WOULD'VE made this country a better place. trust Laura Bush to drive you to the airport.

...You think a severe recession, war, millions of jobs lost, an unsecured
homeland, Un ambassadors who walk out and the vilification of The united states by every country is progress, and 8 years of peace and prosperity under Clinton was bad. mistake Civility for Servility. don't know the difference between Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. believe everyone who disagrees with you "hasn't seen the light" so they_must_ be against God too and deserve to be "exposed".


...You ranted about Clinton being a draft dodger whenever he so much as ordered the National Guard down to McDonald's to get him a Big Mac, but when Dubya sends American troops to die in Iraq, you're not concerned that he went AWOL from the National Guard during Vietnam.

 go to a pro-war rally wearing an Old Navy shirt (let's hear it for
sweat shops)



......You claim that "A high tide lifts all boats", but forget that it drowns
those who can't afford a boat. might have been persuaded to change your views on the war if Saddam had only joined the NRA. support the troops by waging war on Veteran's Benefits.




...iraqis fight for their country are terrorists and dubiya invading a country
and killing thousands on the pretext of the supposed threat due to probable
possession of wmd's is patriotism

 get all your news from FOX and the Compliant News Network and only use the internet for surfing porn sites... really believe Limbaugh, Savage, Hannity, O'Reilly, Coulter etc. when
they say the media is "liberal". John in Lincoln




...... you have more dollars than sense. voted for chickenhawk Saxby Chambliss over Vietnam vet Max Cleland in last year's Georgia Senate race. think that the Federal deficits the Dubya administration are somehow
different than the Federal deficits of the past blamed on the Democrats, and are somehow good for the country. Eric M can use the phrase 'compassionate conservative' in conversation with a straight face. Eric M think all low-cost housing projects should be knocked down to make room for more lovely golf courses. honestly think the best way to defend the Constitution, which includes the Bill of Rights, we must be willing to curtail or eliminate the protections afforded citizens by the Bill of Rights. Eric M don't see anything strange about Dubya waging all-out war on Iraq when there is no concrete proof that they have any weapons of mass destruction, or evidence that they are a threat to the U.S. in any way, and says that North Korea is no problem when they already have nukes, and may have lots more soon. think it was real wrong for Hillary Clinton to have private hearings to
set up the Clinton health care plan, but are ok with VP Cheney continuing to
refuse to let the American people know what went on when he met with
oil/gas/energy execs in private to set up Dubya's energy policy. Eric M


...the entire nation is in debt up to their ass and you're ready to give Turkey
billions of dollars to use their air space to fight a war that has no
justification. - think there was any link between Al Quaida and Iraq before we invaded Iraq against the wishes of the U.N.



...You think George Bush is way more 'smarterer' than Dan Quayle tell your gay brother you don't think of him as gay, just as your
brother scream that France opposes war only to look out for financial
interests.....but you think countries supporting war only because they got paid is, well, different.




...You believe George Bush's mistakes are Bill Clinton's fault. firmly believe that Coleman would have beaten Wellstone.



...Killing the unborn by abortion is murder, but doing it with a smartbomb is



...gaining a presidency without a majority is legal, but not getting the
majority of UN votes and still getting vetoed down is damnable and against the 'moral majority.'



. . . you won't give rape victims emergency contraceptives



. . . you are against abortion, but are in favor of the death penalty, guns
in church, and bombing the hell out of civilians


... you believe that if you have a right to a M-16 in your house to fend off
federal troops, but US army will only need a week or two to defeat a nation with Weapons of Mass Destruction. believe Reagan ended the Cold War.'re plain stupid, bought off, brain-dead or unconcerned about W's damage done to the country. think Bill O'Reilly offers a liberal view. believe the Supreme Court is the Higher Authority. believe killing in the name of 'Pro Life' is rational. is o.k. for christian terrorists to bomb abortion clinics!!


...You are against affirmative action, but if the Supreme Court appoints a
mental RETARD to the Presidency, that's OK... think Jesus wasn't a liberal (cause that would make Dubya the



...anyone who disagrees with you is not a good Christian.



...Rush Limbaugh is your voice of reason.



. . .you believe a syllable the bush administration says and your pet rock are intellectual peers.'ve undergone a bungled lobotomy. pretty young woman has ever called you "handsome" and you're insanely jealous of the female attention paid to Bill Clinton.'ve got the copy of the movie Bush has already watched believe that Dubya has the "anointing" and his declaration of war is
mandated by the Almighty.

 believe 25% tariffs on Canadian lumber is "good for America." really believe wealthy business owners will use their enormous sums of money from dividend tax cuts to create 1.5 million jobs really believe there is a double tax on dividends think the problem with the French is that they don't have a word for




...You honestly believe that people who smoke marijuana are supporting terrorism, but driving a vehicle that gets 15 MPG is patriotic.




...You think that owning an SUV is an inalienable right covered under the




.... . .you're still obsessed with Bill Clinton's sex life.




. . .you don't believe the Bush family has hands as dirty as Robert Hanssen, Aldrich Ames, the Rosenbergs and John Walker (all either incarcerated or executed for betraying their country).
 think war is the answer

 think cowboys come from Connecticut. are racist

 think an Al Samoud is a WMD if it flies 15 miles too far ... when
unloaded, unarmed, and harmless.

 couch your racism in your political views don't "get" this quote: "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for
those who remain neutral in time of great moral crisis." (Dante Alighieri)



...You are so ignorant that you have never heard of the Thomas Jefferson quote: "A little revolution now and then is a healthy thing."



...You are too stupid to have never heard of Thomas Jefferson's quote: "The
price of freedom is eternal vigilance."

 believe blood is black. think that Saddam Hussein was behind the attacks of 9/11. don't see a parallel between Bush believing he is on a mission from God and Osama bin Laden believing the same thing.'re pro-life but civilians in other countries are expendable. think George is a uniter. think Skull and Bones is a faith-based organization, that Poppy Bush and Dubya are members. are appalled by Clinton getting some oral sex , but are pleased when
Dubya gets bj's everyday from Limbaugh, Hannity, Oreilly, Coulter,
Savage, etc. believe dissent equals treason

...You're too stupid to know that martial law will be declared at the next
"terrorist attack" (whether "real" or Bush & Israel again). believe that your leaders talk to God've already decided that your support for having troops in Iraq will end the day a democrat takes office. believe that ari fleisher deserves to remain in possession of his vocal
cords. think that there will be a 2004 election (or any election ever again).



... you believe fraternities sanction brotherhood, and have nothing to do
with the covert pageantry of homoeroticism under the pretense of 'hazing.' -Bill (


…you can't understand why Rush Limbaugh went stone deaf. (karma)



...Rush Limbaugh is your only source of news.

 believe that boycotting french kissing will support the war against Iraq. believe the War on Drugs is winnable. EB



…you believe smoking pot supports terrorism but sending billions to Arab
countries does not.



...your "Leave No Child Behind" definitely does not apply to IRAQI children
who are going to be orphaned by you.



...your "Leave No Child Behind" does not apply to children of families who
are homeless.



...your "Leave No Child Behind" does not apply to children of all
nationalities who are going to be killed, maimed and/or orphaned by your war.


...your "Leave No Child Behind"  does NOT apply to poor child without health


...your "Leave No Child Behind" certainly does NOT apply to children with
AIDS who just happen to be receiving treatment at clinics that also offer
abortion services. and your loved ones will be in the Bunker while others are killed. use retirees as human shields at meetings on the companies 401k   by I.M. Kulardenu & U Know It! think the reason we have so many poor people is because the rich people aren't rich enough and need a tax cut.



...You believe Bush knew nothing about 9-11, before the fact.

 really believe there is such a thing as "The Liberal Press". believe that Mel Carnahan, Paul Wellstone, and John Kennedy Jr.'s
planes all crashed due to "Pilot Error" !


...your idea of economic policy is welfare for the rich and hell-fare for the
rest of us. think that screwing an intern is an impeachable offense, but screwing
an entire workforce is a personal, private matter. think everyone else is stupid enough to believe what you say.


 . . . . you say "go get 'em boys" in the Atlanta Airport to both the young
men in military uniform and the young men their Wake Forest Golf Shirts, not realizing the difference. think Saddam Hussein is a despicable, evil despot of a dictator......but great to do business with.



If you need a bologna sandwich, some pretzels, big tall glass of Jack
Daniels, someone to read to ya, and a little nappy nap!

 piss and moan about welfare.......unless it's  corporate welfare. think that if North Korea allows millions of it's citizens to be
impoverished while over-spending on the military and government elite, it's evil.....but when the richest country in the world allows millions to be
impoverished while overspending on the military and tax cuts for the government elite, it's capitalism.


......your IQ is smaller than your waistband


...You think it's great to see so many physicians leaving the practice of
medicine because of the rising cost of malpractice insurance and continually declining payment rates from insurers (especially Medicare) and say: " Those goddam physicians make too much money anyway"

 Michael E. Norman, M.D., M.B.A. think that having to pay $26 billion for support means you actually have support. brush off France's opposition as that coming from an insignificant
country, and boast about the support from Spain and Poland. think that if they are going to insist on gassing their own prisoners,
we need to invade them so we can compel them to do the humane American thing, and electrocute them instead. think the majority who voted for Gore was just a focus group. think we should just dispense with the 2004 presidential election and
just let Bush have 4 more years due to the great job he's doing, and anyone who disagrees is unpatriotic. weighed Rush Limbaugh's opinion on the tax cuts vs the opinion of 400 economists including 10 Nobel Laureates...and came down on the side of Rush Limbaugh


...You think social security is "some sort of Federal program" - use the word "gay" as an insult.'ve ever called for nucluleer war. demand a refund on the Bill of Rights're a "pro-life" millionaire who has never adopted a child.


...You want to save unwanted fetuses so they can grow up to be angry unwanted teenagers who commit crimes- then you can execute them.

...It doesn't bother you to cast votes exactly like David Duke does, because
you believe YOUR motivations to be pure: the means justify the end.


...You spread opinion-based falsehoods about concepts like global warming, genetic homosexuality, and evolution, but still constantly complain about American students' low scores on science tests.


...You actually believe that the framers of the Constitution would have
considered freely available police-vest piercing bullets to be an inalienable


...You were born middle to upper class, but still think you're a "self made

...You're more concerned with the next fiscal quarter than with the next


...Your economic policies would help people by laying them off.


...You think the government's concern for human life should begin at
conception, but then end at birth.


...You'd rather see American children well defended than well fed.


...You can't figure out why urban blacks still haven't "gotten it together" a
whole 35 years after the civil rights movement began.


...Reducing Bill Gates' tax rate is more important than reducing the country's crime rate, drug addiction rate, abortion rate, or poverty rate.


...You think that people smoke crack "for the fun of it," like it's something
that happens at wild frat parties. You don't see the difference between smoking marijuana and shooting heroin, and you have no notion of why someone would try to kill his sadness with hard drugs.


...You talk about "less government," but still want to pass laws governing
people's sexual, reproductive, marital, and end-of-life choices.


...You get very angry thinking about fat people who say they need Food Stamps. If they're so damn poor, why don't they look like Ethiopians?


...You're so convinced that God will take care of all the sick people that you
believe government shouldn't even bother. think that the giant multinational corporations who own the media allow for a "liberal bias"

... you think Saddam Hussein flew one of the 911 planes.

...You think a mind is a terrible thing. think that it is a duty of the criminal justice system to execute THE
MENTALLY RETARDED! believe that if you can't plaster your car with a "these colors don't
run" bumper sticker, then the "turrists" have truly won!

... when you change something's name for a dumb reason because it offends you ("freedom fries"?!) that's ok, but when someone else changes something's name for a real reason because it offends them ("stewardess" to "flight attendant," say), that's "political correctness," and therefore evil.

...your heart pumps oil. bitch and moan about big government while Clinton is in office, but
when government expands under's OK think the Chicken Hawks in the White House are brave and courageous men.

...only the rich deserve to live. think Clinton was responsible for Ruby Ridge and Waco blame Clinton's penis for massive unemployment, vaporized life
savings, exploding budget deficits, 9-11, Enron, etc., etc. want to bomb Iraq because they may have weapons of mass destruction (oil)...but give North Korea who has weapons of mass destruction a pass (no oil).

...during the Vietnam War you had your Daddy pull strings so you could get into a National Guard unit and avoid the draft and combat, but feel its every young person's duty today to enlist and serve in the war on Saddam. think maximizing your oil company stock value is far more important than preserving the environment for future generations. didn't know that Rush Limbaugh used to be a 'liberal' until he figured
out that being a mud-slinging, right-wing, conservative paid better.

...when you give a quarter to a street person, you ask them for a receipt so
you can deduct it from your taxes. have first edition copies of Rush Limbaugh's books in the original
German. think entertainers such as Barbara Streisand and Alec Baldwin should
stay out of politics and that ex-entertainer Ronald Reagan made a fine Governor of California and President of the United States, yet see nothing hypocritical bout holding these two views. Eric M. think France, Germany, Belgium, and all the other turn-coats out there should learn a few things from our good friends, the Saudi Arabians! think that Tom Ridge is one smart cookie. think Mexico would be a great place if not for all those darned
Mexicans! refuse to go to any restaurant that advertises 'liberal' portions. are a card carrying member of the John Birch Society, the ARA, and the 'Kill a Freak for Jesus' chapter in your town. think that Lawrence Welk was very progressive because he had an
African-American tap dancer on his t.v. show. still think that ketchup really is a vegetable. are sure that Judge Bork got a raw deal. can't locate 90% of the World's nations on a globe, but can name every NASCAR driver there is. think it was morally wrong for Saddam to gas his own people but
morally right for Bush to bomb them . believe Jesus would bomb Iraq. have no idea why we are going to war but support it anyway! -Fugi think that because U.S. freed France in W.W.II it is not 'free' to
oppose U.S. policy with Iraq.

... you’re the first to call up a talk show to ferociously oppose Estate tax
or any type of taxations on Billionaires. Just because you have a cell phone and hope to crack the seven-figure income any year now. But you make 24 grand a year and drive an 82 Escort. would be horrified to learn that Jesus was actually a long-haired,
dark-skinned, peace-loving Jew think minimum wage shouldn't have to provide people enough money to pay rent AND buy food. believe Christianity is oppressed in America. believe atheists shouldn't be citizens.'re 40 years old, and have never dated, let alone been married, because your saving yourself for Margaret Thatcher. think its just to put someone in jail for years and years for smoking a
joint, but only up to four years for getting drunk and killing someone with
their car. think its reasonable that many States spend more per capita on animals in the zoo than they do on the disabled. did drugs in college, but think we should put first time drug users in
jail and throw away the key. believe Fox News' tag line that they are 'fair and balanced'. think its fair for the Federal Government to subsidize multi-million
dollar corporations, give massive tax breaks to the rich, tax the heck out of
the middle class, and leave this country's poor, disabled, and elderly out in
the lurch by cutting the programs they rely on. truly believe that the rising cost of health care is due to all those
law suits, and has nothing to do with the price gouging done by the drug
companies, who charge Americans the highest prices for medications in the World! find Ann Coulter sexy. - JB condemn Bill Clinton for lying about oral sex, but it is alright if Oliver
North blatantly lies about Iran-Contra. - JB truly believe that restoring accountability to the White House means it’s all Clinton’s fault.
-Bob W. think that the Arabs and the Israelis should sit down and resolve their differences like good Christians.
-Eric M.

...your proud to be an "Amurricun" - anonymous idolize a social Darwinist economic system, but are against teaching evolution in the schools.
-Robert Piller

...You don’t get it when you hear Secretary Rumsfeld referred to as Dr. Strangelove.

...You ARE Dr. Strangelove.

...You believe the Saudi’s are our friends.

...You believe that John Ashcroft speaks to God.

...You believe that God speaks to John Ashcroft.

...You believe you are God.
Signed, anonymous think Pearl Harbor is the greatest film ever made.-anonymous favor a strict closed border policy, however your maid, your au pair,
and your gardener are all undocumented aliens who work for peanuts.-anonymous think the best way to protect our forests from wildfires is to allow
unrestricted clear cutting by the logging industry.-anonymous

...the closest you ever came to real suffering was when you got locked in your limo and had to live on olives and martinis for a whole hour until the
locksmith arrived.-anonymous think that Richard Nixon was just too darned liberal!-anonymous


...your annual income is over six figures, yet when you go out to eat, you
throw around quarter tips like they were manhole covers.-anonymous secretly see the 'War on Terror' and the war against Saddam as a way to justify cutting or eliminating all those pesky social programs.-anonymous secretly feel that Strom Thurmond would have been a fine President back in '48.-anonymous think "subliminable" is a word.-anonymous think that manual labor is the President of Mexico.-anonymous think mighty highly of the Texas School System for producing such a
well-spoke President.-anonymous really think you're in the "top 1%" income bracket...and you make $25,000 a year!-anonymous think it's ok and you aren't angry when you lose your job, because
"the company's just doing what it has to."-anonymous really believe that education is a "product," students are the
"consumers," and that the consumer should get what they want out of it, because they "pay dearly for it."-anonymous *know* that free markets are the best, most fair way of doing
everything, *especially after* you hear all the evidence to the contrary (Enron, California electricity, health care, etc.).-anonymous genuinely believe that the Bush cares about democracy abroad.-anonymous

...your ancestors never would have been allowed to set foot on US soil under current immigration laws, but everything's the fault of "those furriners."-anonymous aren't rich, but you really honestly believe you're going to be
someday, somehow.-anonymous went a.w.o.l. and then deserted your army unit-anonymous

...if you've paid for three of your mistresses' abortions, but stand to be
counted as a pro-lifer.-anonymous

I might be a right wing republican if I had to choose between that and being
sodomized with a red-hot poker!-anonymous really believe that "a rising tide lifts all boats" applies to the
distribution of wealth.-anonymous care about "life" for blastulas and fetuses, but you sure want
convicted criminals dead!-anonymous


-- you think that the New York Times is a liberal left newspaper.

-- you think that GDubya has the goods on Saddam Hussein but doesn't want to tell us what they are for fear it will jeopardize national security.

-- you think that America is still the "land of the free" and the "home of the brave" but haven't woken up to smell the USA Patriot Act.

-- you think we have free press because our brothers Colin Powell and Alexander Haig Jr. are protecting our interests on the Board of Time Warner while Michael Powell (son of . . . . ) Heads the FCC.

-- you think the School of the Americas is where we train our diplomats for the foreign service.

-- you think beer barrel buddy GDubya and friends might be sending the pork barrel your way.

-- you think that John Ashcroft is a "compassionate conservative" who is protecting your suffrage and civil liberties.

-- you think that it's okay to start a war because Saddam tried to kill GDubya's "daddy."

-- you think it's all right to incarcerate ordinary Americans as "enemy combatants" if they organize labor union workers who then walk out on strike at a major US corporation.

-- you think that it is necessary to wage war with "axis of evil" Iraq, a nation that has declared it has no weapons of mass destruction, but, on the other hand, insist on negotiation and diplomacy with "axis of evil" North Korea because they have openly declared they have weapons of mass destruction and WILL use them, if necessary.

-- you think GDubya won the election fair and square.

-- you think GDubya is pro-life and that only a liberal Democrat would pay for a girlfriend to get an abortion while abortion was illegal under the Constitution.

-- you believe only what the national press coverage tells you to believe.

-- you believe that we NOW have a "kinder, gentler nation" because compassionate "wouldn't hurt a fly" GDubya is at the helm.

-- you believe the Twin Towers came down all by themselves when the jet fuel exploded, causing concrete to pulverize immediately into tiny particles of dust even though the tremor measured by the collapse on the Richter scale at Columbia University three miles away was less than 2.8, a relatively mild earthquake that the Trade Centers should have been able to withstand.

-- you believe that Senator Trent Lott is more racist than Attorney General John Ashcroft.

-- you believe that Condeleeza Rice got to be National Security Advisor as well as all other breaks on her own merits and NOT based on affirmative action.

-- you think that Dan Quayle and GDubya have a good command of the English language.

-- you deny that the empty warheads belonged to Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld.


-- you think the "three strikes" law ought to apply so we can lock up common felons but NOT to convicted criminals the Whitehouse wants to hire or has hired in recent years.

-anonymous think David Souter had nothing to do with the NH/ME border dispute.


...if you think Meldrim Thomson helped NH fishermen in the marine lateral
fishing boundary fight. think the state of Maine revenue service is legally taxing NH workers at PORTSMOUTH Naval Shipyard in PORTSMOUTH ,NEW HAMPSHIRE 03801 think the "PORTSMOUTH" Naval Shipyard is in Kittery Maine, not in

-anonymous bought your ak-47 from jesus, he threw in the 50 round clip for
free. think president clinton's pecker is the "root" of all evil.


...if you have a borderline psychotic obsession with the fact that Bill Clinton was elected President. Twice. Fair and Square. Don't you tell me to "just get over it."

...if you have a good friend anoint your head with Wesson oil every time you swear an oath of office.

...if you chew and spit tobacco while in the classroom. At Harvard!


...if you think a corporation should have the same legal rights as an individual citizen.

...if you believe God's law should always trump secular law, yet have never had a single thought about "blue laws".

...if you believe Hillary arranged the "hit" on Buddy. (Did you know, she was out of the country on vacation at the time? Isn't that just a little TOO convenient!?)

...if your fertility treatments result in a litter of preemies and you declare it was God's Will that you should be a parent.

...if you know that Tom Delay's primary mission is to make all Americans better (i.e. Fundamental) Christians and it doesn't disturb you at all.

...if you have ever found yourself getting turned on by Ann Coulter's adam's apple.

...if you can't make up your mind between home-schooling and vouchers.

...if your daddy was a Dixiecrat and your mother was a lemon jello mold.

...if you think a red necktie is effective camouflage for a red neck.


......if your recent tax breaks have blessed you with the opportunity to make a meaningful and patriotic contribution to the trickle-down effect by hiring a maid.

Nancy O'Hara think religious freedom means Christian domination. -anonymous

...When asked to name the first three green things that come to your mind, you
say - money, the Grinch and beer on St. Patrick's day. -anonymous

...if you think the coming war on Iraq is about anything other than oil. -anonymous're too drunk to fish, and too dumb to hunt. -anonymous think Ronald Reagan really did fight in World War II (The War, not The
Movie) -anonymous claim to want dignity in the Whitehouse and then pick your nose in
public at a baseball game -anonymous

......if your recent tax breaks have blessed you with the opportunity to make a meaningful and patriotic contribution to the trickle-down effect by hiring a maid. Nancy O'Hara favor fighting a war to "preserve freedom", but think that the first,
fourth, fifth and seventh amendments "go too far". -anonymous honestly believe that Bush is pursuing war to bring "democracy" to the
"people" of Iraq. -anonymous say "the economy has to recycle itself--it was time for a recession". -anonymous can't explain why you like George Bush. -anonymous think Saddam and Kim Jong Il control more weapons of mass destruction
than George W. Bush. -anonymous

...You think Joe Lieberman is a Democrat. -anonymous

...You are in favor of cutting taxes on investments, even though the only
investments you ever made were in lottery tickets, because, someday, one of them suckers will pay off and then you'll be rich too! Yee-HAW! -anonymous oppose affirmative action, even though you were admitted to a
prestigious college only because you come from a rich and powerful family. -anonymous faxed divorce papers to your wife from your hotel room in Aruba.-anonymous tried to copyright the term: Weapons of Mass Destruction. -anonymous will swallow anything if it is wrapped in an American flag & ends
with the term: "Weapons of Mass Destruction". -anonymous think Rummie has a good bone in his body. -anonymous think John Ashcroft is a moderate. -anonymous went AWOL for over a year and got to be the Resident. -anonymous believe everything is going well. -anonymous



...if you believe punishing schools by reducing their funding will make them
perform better.

...if you own your own home, have at least two late model cars, have health insurance, take a  vacation with your family every year, eat out more than once a week, have cable or satellite TV, have more than one telephone line, produce more than one full sized trash bag of garbage each week,  have no doubts that your children will go to college,  have good credit,    are a member of a health club, regularly attend paid sporting or entertainment events, voluntarily belong to any organization to which you regularly give money - and you believe that your tax burden is preventing you from realizing the “American Dream”.

...if you believe people choose to be poor or uneducated.

...if you believe that on issues of quality and safety that corporations, which answer to no one, are inherently better at determining what is best for us than is government, which must ultimately answer to the people.

...if you constantly complain about your own job security, pay, working
conditions, the fairness of promotions, long hours and the ability to have
grievances addressed, but think that unions are evil.

...if you make less than $40,000/year and think the only thing standing between you and wealth, is less government regulation, lower taxes and the end of affirmative action.

...if you support policies which favor the very rich, even though you can barely make ends meet, because you are sure that one day you are going to hit the jackpot and be one of them.

...if you believe in the scientific viability of “Star Wars”  and
missile defense technology, but not in evolution.

...if you believe immigrants from Latin America  and Southeast Asia are taking away jobs from “Americans”, but that corporations really need additional special work visas to fill high tech jobs with low paid Chinese and Indian engineers.

...if you believe that competition is the backbone of the economy and that it always leads to the best products at the best prices, yet still you support the monopolistic practices of large corporations which stifle competition.

---Tim Sites

...You swear to protect the US of A and all our freedoms & you by God won't let the "Niceties of Civil Liberties" get in the way of doin' it  -anonymous

...You think Nixon wasn't a crook, despite the pardons. -anonymous

...You think it's ok to restrict individual freedoms in order to protect
freedom. -anonymous honestly think that Dubya's mother-in-law losing $8,000.00 on Enron
stock somehow makes up for the many, many Enron investors and employees who lost their shirts due to 'Kenny Boy' and his execs hiding mountains of corporate debt to make Enron look profitable long enough to line their pockets, while telling investors and employees that Enron was in good shape.

...your idea of communing with nature is a cook-out in a strip-mine. think that antiwar activists are automatically terrorist
blow me bush. are glad to see things back to normal...a bush is president and war
with iraq is eminent. use lethal injection on a rapist but don't
let the raped woman have an abortion. think all those starving kids in Somalia should quit begging and get a job.
--'d rather screw the country than an intern. -anonymous saw the bumper sticker saying "Free Leonard Peltier," and you got own that said "F**k Leonard Peltier." -anonymous


...your name is ken starr & you still have secret desires to touch president
clinton's pen*s - cephil're still mad because 'rummy' rumsfeld & dubya wont let you play with their g.i. joe action figures - cephil're on medicare, need prescription drug help & still voted for the
village idiot (dumbya) - cephil laughed at Pigboy Limbaugh and SNL for making fun of 13-year-old
Chelsea Clinton, but seem to think that the Bush girls ought to be "left alone" despite criminal activity--Andrea believe sean hannity was not conceived through anal sex -anonymous think ''colin powell'' is a bulk fiber laxative - cephil can't keep house pets because your pal TED NUGENT killed & ate the last ones - cephil "win" an election

... you think the best way to prevent forest fires is cut down all the
stinkin' trees! -- pierresc

...your idea of compassion is taking off your steel-toed boots before kicking a homeless person.-anonymous

...if you think that our founding fathers gave us the right to have guns to
kill each other.         Robert

... you speak on behalf of God and decide who He likes and doesn't.

...If you got your head up your a-- and are still able to lick corporate balls.-anonymous think that the right way to fix our schools is to post the Ten Commandments

...You were horrified that Hilary Clinton didn't bake cookies, but think it's
okay that Laura Bush's vehicular manslaughter of her ex-boyfriend was never investigated. ( believe that world peace can be achieved by bombing other countries. want to spread American style democracy by OPPOSING the democratic election of Hugo Chavez and SUPPORTING the military coup against him.

...your wife sticks to the basics: raising her God-fearing, all-American clan.

...yer yellin' at the TV during a news report on welfare moms while printing
out yer pro-life flyers for the upcoming protest. swiftly drop all high school extracurricular activities to prevent them
homo-sexuals from congregatin' on that there school property.

...your motto is " KILL -N- DRILL ".-anonymous went to jimmy swaggerts house & watched gay porn movies with your good buddies jerry fallwell & pat robertson, but it's ok because jesus only forgives republicans.-anonymous think colin powell played chicken george in the movie roots.-anonymous have DNA evidence that rush limbaugh is not cloned from fecal matter.-anonymous left your Clan robe at the family planning clinic bombing. -anonymous

...... you think that being elected governor/president is the cure to your childhood trauma. -anonymous

...You honestly believe the poor are "lucky duckies" -Cat in Seattle

...your salary's over $100,000 or your IQ is under 80 -- or both.-anonymous don't realize that Adolf is alive & well in the white house.-anonymous're going to burn in hell for hypocrisy & self-righteousness -anonymous believe there is such a thing as a "lone gunman". -anonymous think the CIA and FBI are "incompetent bunglers". -anonymous never connect the dots -- or if you drew the original picture. think 9-11 was carried out without Bush's help. -anonymous think that Cokemon Bush is on the wagon. -anonymous think Wellstone was killed accidentally. -anonymous crucify Jesus every day with your words and acts. -anonymous consider the new testament a mandate for world domination. -anonymous steal from the poor and give to the rich -anonymous

...while watching reruns of All In The Family, you wonder why the audience
laughs when Archie Bunker says something that "makes sense". think jeb would have been much better in the movie slingblade than
george was. -anonymous go to church to pray for peace on earth and goodwill toward men, while supporting the horrors of war against Iraq, and discrimination against gays.

geoff heineman don't realize that Only Pussies Support Bush! -anonymous

...Jesus was the guest speaker at the last friends of the NRA dinner banquet. -anonymous think Viagra is a better drug than marijuana. -anonymous think that oral sex rises to the level of an "impeachable offense," but stealing an election doesn't

-you believe you have the God-given right to hunt deer with an AK-47...

-you thought "Boyz in the Hood" was a bio pic about the Klan.

-you thought Trent Lott's BET interview was "sincere."

-you're convinced that the voice of God is Charlton Heston.

-you'd let Ted Nugent date your daughter before Denzel Washington.

-you think the Enron debacle was "a good frat prank."

-you list Skull and Bones fraternity brothers as a reference on your resume...

-homosexuality bothers you, but professional wrestling doesn't.

-Otis Galloway believe in the right to bear arms but never bothered to do a stint of military service.-anonymous opposed a commie "Regime Change" in South Vietnam but support an American "Regime Change" in Iraq. -anonymous think every human that worships Jesus is righteous and just, but every person of the Islamic faith is a stupid *raghead* extremist out to commit an act of terrorism against the U.S. --anonymous think people in other countries are moved to commit suicide attacking us because they're "jealous", and not

because we've been bombing their countries and imposing murderous economic sanctions on them. --anonymous think feeding and educating disadvantaged children is a Communist plot, but waging war so your Big Oil cronies can make billions is patriotic and just. --anonymous believe that there is no prayer in public schools (I'm a teacher, I pray to myself whenever I want at school).-anonymous believe that declaring war on Iraq is patriotic. think that rainforest destruction doesn't effect you here in the United States.

...that recycling programs are not cost effective.

...if you can't see past today (in other words, you are short-sighted in decision-making). believe that the coal, oil, and nuclear industries will police themselves if the Clean Air and Clean Water Acts are weakened. don't know the difference in global warming and the destruction of the ozone layer (No, they are not the same thing). believe that since Sept. 11, 2001, you must support the President no matter what.


--Gary McCoy think ALL Christians vote Republican.-anonymous believe driving an SUV is good for the economy.-anonymous don't understand the importance of conservation of natural resources.-anonymous believe global warming is something that you can adapt to. -anonymous support integration until your white daughter wants to date a black man. -anonymous

.... your heart bleeds oil.  Kahlil at think Government (regulation) is bad and Corporate greed is good.
(unless it is time to bail out the corporate misfits, ie. Savings & loans,
Airline Industry, Energy industry,  Auto Makers etc etc.) think the Texas Air National Guard was dangerous duty during the Vietnam War. -anonymous think Bu$h has any brains in that pretzel head of his. -anonymous

... your face is pink and your neck is red. -anonymous do not believe Bu$h is a complete ignorant a--hole. -anonymous

... you've never wondered who is taking those polls that give dubya a "high
approval rating". -anonymous wake up in the morning whistlin' Dixie. -anonymous

... you got your finger on a nuke button, and a battery teetering on your
shoulder. -anonymous

... you think Colin Powell is "black." -anonymous

... your high-level freemason rituals causes you to set up internet kiddie
porn stings, for fear of incriminating evidence getting in the right hands.

[Do you know something we don't?  Editorial comment] -anonymous

... you were touched by Ashcroft's rendition of Let The Eagle's Soar.-anonymous think Bill Clinton's wiener is more important than world peace & the
economy. -anonymous

... you don't sit on your Ashcroft, and take a hot stinkin Bush, then wipe
your Limbaugh. -anonymous

....if you your waist measurement approximates your I.Q. -anonymous think Jeb cares about children. -anonymous

...after voting against all civil rights legislation, you wonder why minorities don't vote republican. ( think NewsMax reports the news fairly and accurately. -anonymous believe anything George Bush says, but think Clinton was a liar. -anonymous understand why Timothy McVeigh hates the U. S. Government - but not why the Saudi's do. -anonymous recognize the failure of inner city schools - but think affirmative
action in college admissions is unjust. -anonymous think putting potheads in prison and giving Ollie North a radio show is
justice. -anonymous believe that people in other countries hate freedom. -anonymous think we are winning the war on terror. -anonymous believe brown skin or immigration status are probable cause. -anonymous believe that the best way to save social security is to take money out
of the trust fund and put it in the stock market. -anonymous believe John Ashcroft respects the Bill of Rights and enforces the law. -anonymous think that taxing the poor so as to relieve the tax burden of the rich
would be more fair. -anonymous think Iraq is the greatest security threat we face. -anonymous think it would have been unconstitutional to count the votes in Florida in 2000. -anonymous believe national security is enhanced by violating due process. -anonymous believe any of Trent Lott's hollow apologies. -anonymous voted for the grandson of a Nazi sympathizer, who belongs to a family of known criminals.-anonymous believe the media is liberal. -anonymous pronounce it "nucular" 20-something times during a national television address. -anonymous believe in God and lower taxes. -anonymous think school shootings are the result of dangerous minorities. -anonymous

...if you think republicans actually give a sh_t about you!!!!!!!!!! think blacks have the same "voice" as whites do!

... you think having a gun is more important than the lives of hundreds of
children! --anonymous

...You really believe the Congressional Black Caucus is really in favor of a
Miss White America Contest. -anonymous think it's okay to have concealed weapons on school grounds. -anonymous think "dick head" is a compliment. -anonymous

... you don't believe that life under Reagan sucked compared to Clinton, after all under who else did you get so super rich that even the tech dive didn't change your lifestyle. are deep down jealous of Bill Clinton's sex life! actually think that Reaganomics was better than Clintonomics! actually perceive that life under GW Bush is better than under Clinton!


...if you actually think George W Bush is doing a good enough job of holding the Country and it's future Down!


...if you believe "compassionate conservative" really IS what Dubya is all about.

... you blame Clinton for your own sad pathetic sexual hang ups -anonymous

...  YOU LIKE TRENT LOTT'S HAIR HELMET. -anonymous use the words "so human" to describe george w.'s mangling of the english language. -anonymous stand to become a multi-billionaire off the spoils of war! --anonymous

...your brother Trent keeps stealing your hair spray.

...your illegal Honduran housemaid is paid in monopoly money. think Katherine Harris is a babe. think the "Dick "in Dick Cheney isn't an anatomical reference. think FOX news broadcasts actual news.

...your picture is found in the dictionary alongside the word moron.

...your neighbor Trent invites you over  for a wooden cross building party
and weenie roast and you bring your own hammer, nails and sheets. awaken one morning horrified to find yourself transformed into a human. have been selected as the poster boy for Hemorrhoid Awareness week.

...the person  sitting next to you on the plane asks to be reseated in the overhead baggage compartment.'re angry that the cleaners lost your swastika arm band.


By Bill Ham

…You think a two cell organism is a human being and is alive but are willing
to send a living breathing soul to meet its maker.

-anonymous think the poor people need to pay more taxes so you can give bigger tax breaks to your campaign contributors.

...if you think George Bush has the right to take away from  the majority of
citizens (working class) & give to his corporate allies while neglecting our
fundamental rights & trampling our constitution!

. . .you can't enjoy a meal unless you know someone is going hungry.

...You think Bill O'Reilly is a real journalist

…You think its fair for the poor to give up their oil subsidies so the rich
can get a tax break. honestly think that Bush is great even if his policies cost you
your job, your home, your savings and the life of your child in war, but at
least he didn't get a b---j--. were convicted of multiple felonies under one Republican presidency, and hired by the next!
-anonymous think that Rush Limbaugh really is a truth detector with talent on loan
from God.
-anonymous freaked out about Waco and Ruby Ridge but think that everything the Bush administration is doing is totally justified.
-anonymous think that the minimum wage is too high.  - think Barry Goldwater was too liberal. - believe that felons have a right to own firearms, but not to vote.

-anonymous think FOX News is really "Fair and Balanced." Craig Lane

...your pickup truck has a shotgun rack and a bumper sticker from the local Christian school.

 -anonymous firmly believe Ann Coulter has looks AND intelligence to boot. can link Clinton to every conceivable situation that developed worldwide from 1992-2000. endorse a man with a borderline below-average collegiate career as the appointed leader of almost 290 million citizens.

...rules are bent to satisfy the needs of your over privileged children.

...the definition of unpatriotic includes actually thinking for yourself. think Ronald Reagan was the president -anonymous believe the mentally retarded are treated equally in elected -anonymous love Jesus but hate everyone else -anonymous

...if you think Rush Limbaugh is an expert on Viet Nam -anonymous

...if you think George W. Bush is an honorable war hero -anonymous

...if you would spend $40,000,000.00 to see if Clinton had sex but nothing for unemployed workers-anonymous secretly suspect that J.C. Watts is the guy that stole your hubcaps at last year's RNC fundraiser.

... if you make your children listen to talk radio during target practice.

... if you think Lee Greenwood and Wayne Newton have talent.

... if  the artwork on your walls makes you hungry for bar b que and chili
cook offs.

...if NASCAR drivers are too diverse for you.

.. if your wife is doing the wrong line dance at your company Christmas party.

... if the only enjoyable children in your family are the fat, precocious ones.
The rest being skinny and heavily fogged with drugs and alcohol.

...if the 'Merican flag on your foreign made, gas guzzling SUV is frayed and

... if you don't turn out the lights when you leave a room.

...if you vote for idiots.

...if you don't vote.

...if your guests are afraid to eat your chili.

... "if your dentist is more afraid of you than you are of him." (I blatantly
stole this from Jeff Foxworthy but it clearly applies to republicans.)

...if you don't have a library card.

...if you go to Branson, MO to see Box Car Willie's show every year.

...if you tell me where all the lobster holes are out there while you are
frying fish on the beach.

...if you fail to see the value in Harry Potter inspiring children all over
the world standing in line to read big, thick books cover to cover, no matter
what the content.

... if your wife is the answer to the age old question, "How cold is it?"

...if you think Reagan ended the cold war.

...if you think you can take Asia before Australia in a game of Risk.

...if you vote for a candidate who denigrates his opponents Vietnam Prisoner of War status.

...if you vote for a candidate who denigrates his opponent, who lost 3 limbs in the Vietnam war, patriotism. 


...when someone asks you your name you must pull your head out of your a-- and read it off your belt.
-anonymous use Jesus and guns in the same sentence. -Me, Lisa Casey


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