pro-life, pro-death penalty, and pro-war, as long as it
doesn't effect you personally.
think "The Death of Outrage" by the former secretary of
education is a coherent title.
......you are also
addicted to hillbilly heroin
...you think an AWOL
national guardsman alfred e. neuman look-a-like
dictator is more patriotic and qualified to be President in 2004 than a
former NATO commander four star general rhodes scholar (wesley clark).
jenna, college student
believe ANYTHING Rummy says........
...if you believe
that if you just work hard enough that someday you
too might be as filthy rich as Bush and his friends.
think being born in Connecticut and moving to Texas make you a
you have no problem with our bombs finding Afghanistan or Iraq
even though most of our citizens can't find either country on the map.
...If you believe
that the 700 Club is the only reliable news program
that doesn't air on FOX (Faux) News
...you think that
reading and investing in knowledge, as well as
working on your spelling skills, smacks of northern liberal snobbery
which has no place in the US, except perhaps in Massachusetts and in
Volvo-driving and New-York-Times-reading Vermont.
...You think labor unions are a communist plot.
...if you think it is
unpatriotic and un-American to raise legitimate questions about Bush's foreign
policy and Iraq strategy while we have young men and women in harm's way in
Iraq, yet that same concern for patriotism was curiously absent when you blasted
Bill Clinton WHILE WE HAD YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN IN HARM'S WAY IN KOSOVO.--firstname.lastname@example.org
...You right an op-ed
piece in a newspaper attacking Clinton's nominee
for attorney general because she was employing an illegal immigrant,
yet at the exact same time you are also employing an illegal
Democrats running for president attack President Bush, you
start whining and complaining like a little baby about so-called "vicious
rhetoric" against George W. Bush, yet you apparently had no problem
with vicious and brutal rhetoric against Clinton all throughout the
...You seem to think
that there is a "liberal media", yet you
conveniently "forget" about the media never or almost never mentioning Bush's failed business deals where he lined his pockets while his investors
went broke, or how he had a stadium built in Texas and taxpayers got stuck
with the bill, or that Osama Bin Laden's brother was George W. Bush's
business partner in the 1970's, or about how Bush has not unsealed his
military records, despite promising to do so in May of 2000, and despite
the fact that both Al Gore and John McCain unsealed their military
records, or about Bush's National Guard commander saying that he never
showed up for duty between May of 1972 and October of 1973, or about how Bush's wife committed vehicular manslaughter and killed her
ex-boyfriend--there are, of course, many other things as well-but I'd be
here for a
...you believe that
the spread of AIDS can be stopped by pulling
funding for sex education and needle exchanges.
...you are convinced
that greed has gotten a bad rap. Eric M
...you say that
government can do nothing good while you reap the
usurious profits from you PATENTED pharmaceuticals.
...you point to Sean
Hannity and say, "See, Jesus can cure
...the only person of
Asian heritage you know is your gardener, the
only person of Hispanic heritage you know is your garbage man, the only
person of African-American heritage you know is your cleaning lady, the
only homosexual you know is your interior decorator, yet you are sure
that you have a firm grasp of minority issues.
...the idea of living
in a police state doesn't bother you all that
much. After all the government would NEVER go after innocent citizens
just because officials don't like their beliefs! (Look up 'Palmer rades'
and 'McCarthyism' in your encyclopedia, if you have one. Or go to the
library if you can find it.) Eric M
...the 'magic bullet'
theory concocted by Arlen Spector, while he
worked for the Warren Commsion, makes perfect sense to you. Eric M
......you pronounce nuclear as NEW-kyuh-luhr.
...you think any one
motivated in their profession by something other
than making a profit is a communist.
...you really believe
that Bush the First's nomination of Clarence
Thomas to be on the Supreme Counrt following the retirement of Thurgood
Marshall wasn't cynically motivated.
...You think that
"we" are the only country that has "true freedom".
-13-year-old liberal and proud of it email@example.com
...You'd rather make
money than breathe
...If you think
African-Americans should stop whining because forty
years of affirmative action has magically erased the debilitating effects
of 246 years of slavery and 100 years of violent Jim Crow racism
...If you think that
Clarence Thomas and Condoleezza Rice are the
greatest African-American leaders since Martin Luther King
......you think Jesus actually spoke in Old English.
....you STILL have that Dole/Kemp sticker on your Lincoln.
...you believe Hillary Clinton will really divorce Bill and marry
...you think that the
women's movement started in the '60s, unaware that such activists as Susan B.
Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton were fighting for women's rights back in the
latter half of the 19th Century.
...you think that any
woman who has the temerity to think they should
receive equal rights under the law, in the workplace, and in general
are 'feminazis'. Eric M
...you think that MSNBC, CNN, and all the other news channels other than Fox are secretly run by Satan. Eric M
...the numbers on the buttons you use to tune in Fox News have been worn off the remote for your cable box have been completely worn away.
...you publicly condemn the practice in some countries of firing guns into the air to celebrate, but privately think it's kind of a kewl idea. Eric M
....you were outraged when Kitty Dukakis admitted to having a drinking problem, but don't understand why folks aren't more forgiving of Rush for getting a rush from pain pills. Eric M
...you are convinced that Fed. Chairman Alan Greenspan truly cares how the changing economy and interest rates affect you, even if you aren't a major player on Wall Street. Eric M
corporate profits are more important than breathable air, potable water, and a
diverse ecosystem. Eric M
...you think anything
bush says is the gospel and any criticism is the work of the lying liberals.
...you won't watch
the lerher report on pbs because it's not as
entertaining as fox news..
...just so long as
your investment portfolio is doing well, it doesn't matter to you that
3,000,000+ Americans have lost their jobs under Dubya's watch. (Many of which
will never return, as employers 'outsource' jobs to places like India, China,
and Russia where they can pay employees chicken feed as opposed to the living
wage Americans expect and
deserve.) Eric M
...when you see a
homeless person, a panhandler, or a destitute 'bag lady' who is pushing her
shopping cart full of her meager belongings down the street, you use your cell
phone to call the police. Eric M
...If you Fart or
Belch and say, That fer you Hilary
...Ann Coulter gives
you a "woody".
...you buy the BS
that shrub says about why our troops are being
killed in daily attacks is because they hate freedom... John
...you believe a
billion a week in Iraq is making us safer even though high school kids can still
get box cutters onto airplanes
...you possess millions in unexplainable, unindictable, and now
......you're proud that Mr. Bush has implemented the toughest
voluntary pollution emission standards to date!
...You tell everyone how much you believe in free enterprise based on
merit and talent and in "traditional American values" such as free speech, but if you ever found out that one of your employees or job applicants supported "controversial" (read: progressive, liberal, or even halfway intelligent) causes--on his or her own time and off any employer's premises--you would do all you could to punish that person by demoting, firing, or refusing to hire her or him. -Scott Enk, firstname.lastname@example.org
...you think that Sandra Day O'Connor is just too darned liberal!
...You refuse to use any product that has directions that say it
should be used 'liberally'. Eric Maietta email@example.com
..You've never read the constitution, but feel you know exactly what
it says. Eric Maietta firstname.lastname@example.org
...you're convinced that anyone who complains about the loss of
civil/constitutional rights must be a criminal. Eric Maietta
...you blame all the economic problems the nation faces on F.D.R. and
the New Deal. Eric Maietta email@example.com
...you wonder what's so wrong about being 'All Hat, No Cattle'. Eric
...you are an under-achieving drunk who is feeble enough to fail at
the oil business in Texas, but manages to insider-trade your way to a
profit, just in time to use the ill-gotten money to lobby the Texas
legislature to throw farmers off their land so you can have a place to
build a big new baseball stadium with taxpayers' money and money you
borrowed from your daddy, so you can make $20 million while claiming to be self-made...all so you could steal an election and run the country like
your oil business.
......you think that the EU is a communist power.
......you believe that Sweden is a communist country.
...your I.Q goes up after you get a lobotomy.
...you'd rather hug a smokestack than hug a tree.
...You believe God is on your side.
...you're so anal retentive, you were born potty trained! Eric M
...you think George III got a raw deal.
...you believe it was the Iraqi's and not the Saudi's who attacked us
on 9/11 - Anonymous
...you think signing 152 death warrants is something Jesus would have
done - Anonymous
...you think it was okay to allow that plane load of Saudi's out of
the country just after 9/11 - anonymous
...you listed Harvard as your second choice after Bob Jones University
...you can't understand how anyone would ever want to visit Paris
...Dead set against socialism, but have no fear of the insanely bland,
cookie-cutter world being forced down your throat through corporate
ascendancy. (Walmart, Appleby's, AOL, and Fox News - what else would I
...the idea of Ahhnold as governor of California doesn't make you want
to projectile vomit! Eric M
...You say we live in a free country but suggest anyone who criticizes
Dubya should find another country to live in
...you consider Sean Hannity one of the great intellects of the 21st
century. - Anonymous
...you can reconcile the fact that Iraqi schools are being rebuilt
while our teachers are spending hundreds of dollars a year, from their own
pockets, on basic school supplies.
...you think Dick Cheney actually gives a damn about anyone else but
himself and his cronies.
...you consider members of NOW a bunch of uppity dykes but see Ann
Coulter as the next coming of Mother Theresa.
...you believe Rush Limbaugh when he characterizes the military
deserter as a great American while the guy who finished #1 in his class at
West Point is a "Metrosexual".
...you don't realize that Bob Jones University can be called ---- BJU
...if you think the media is "liberal."
...You're pro-life AND pro-death penalty - Nat- (aka Scepter )
...you got upset about the low payments families of 9/11 victims
received, many under $1 million dollars, but think $8,000.00 is plenty for
the survivors of vets who died in action in Dubya Storm.
...you believe there is anything patriotic about the PATRIOT act.
...you think that Tom Ridge is qualified to run the Dept. of 'Homeland Security', despite his single digit I.Q.
installed in Iraqi post offices is a sound financial
investment - Anonymous
...you believe it was the Iraqis and not the Saudis who attacked us
on 9/11 - Anonymous
...It does lift your mood thinking of Uday and Qusay's bullet mangled
...you think signing 152 death warrants is something Jesus would have
done - Anonymous
...you think it was okay to allow that plane load of Saudi's out of
the country just after 9/11 - anonymous
...you listed Harvard as your second choice after Bob Jones University.
...you can't understand how anyone would ever want to visit Paris.
...You think Dubya fought in the revolutionary war.
...You don't see a connection between mental institutions' releasing
patients and the fact that Jesus Christ is petting the dog that told you
to kill everyone...
...you believe that "Americans should be able to keep more of the
money they earn." Well, except for teachers, librarians, and anyone who
works for the state or federal government for under $50,000 a year.
... people count their fingers after shaking hands with you. Rod Talley
...you claim to be a Patriot but can't identify
amendments besides the first 2
...you think that the GOP was started by Thomas Jefferson....
...It's snowing in December; it must be Clinton's fault
...you think it's great all the "ragheads" you wanted to bomb after 911 are liberated!
......you think you will go to hell if you vote Democrat because of
the abortion issue, but you are in no danger of hell fire for sending
young people over to die for a trumped up war. -- Sydney
....Between choosing to send your kids to school or to war, you
choose the latter.-Drew,Rochester NY
...If you think the proposed museum to mock Bill Clinton is a great
idea (talk about being in dire need of a life).
...you believe J.C. Watts left Congress to spend more time with his
...if you believe Joe Scarborough left Congress to spend more time with his family. -Lisa
...You think of Colin Powell as a "good" Negro I mean African-American
...you believe Condoleeza Rice has any input in National Security, if
so why do we need Tom Ridge?
...you believe bush was trying to fly back to D.C. on Sept. 11th
...you truly believe that the current GOP is the party of Lincoln
...you really believe that God can only see you as other people do,
and not thru you.
...you believe that Slavery ended?!
...you hear George W. Bush's voice and get an erection
...you hear Ann Coulter's voice and you get an erection
...you believe that Clarence Thomas and Ward Connerly are Black,
hahahahahahaha!!!!! SSG M. Anderson U.S. Army
...you only have sex with your wife when a republikkkan wins -SSG M.
Anderson U.S. Army
...you think Rita "Petunia Pig" Crosby from Faux is hot. -SSG M.
Anderson U.S. Army
...you avoided military service but refer to the military as "our"
soldiers. -SSG M. Anderson U.S. Army
...your name has Dubya in the middle and you choke on pretzels in
your home theater!!!!!
...You believe in affirmative action for the privileged, but if it's
for the poor or minorities, it's unfair
...You think Bush is the most eloquent president we've ever had
...You think Al Gore is a radical
...You think any protection of workers is the work of commies
...You think that a repeat of those handy WWII internment camps will take care of all the terrorists (foreigners) before they even THINK of doing anything
...You whine about welfare mothers but count on major subsidies, tax breaks, etc. for your own corporation and still refuse to pay any more than minimum wage
...You whine about the "liberal media" but have had no trouble getting your screed published and are making major $$$
...You might be a right wing republican if....you believe that Timothy
McVeigh could not possibly have bombed the federal building in Oklahoma City, he was framed by some A-rabs. Devon
...you just don't understand why "The Simpsons" is so popular.
......your hands are silky smooth and you've never had a blister.
......you see no reason to shower more than once a week.
...you actually believe Jesus Christ would support capital gains
...you only have sex with the lights off, and your socks on....and
then you pray for forgiveness.
...you thought it was a damn, dirty shame what happened to poor Bob Livingston.
...you can listen to Tom Delay for more than 2 minutes without
vomiting. Jim Walker
... you really believe the framers intended for you to own a
...you'd prefer that a woman give birth to an ancephalic baby than
allow her to have an abortion (that means the baby HAS NO BRAIN, you idiot).
...you find the FOX News Channel to be "fair and balanced."
...You believe that Pat Robertson is a good, honest man even though he prayed for the DEATH of three Supreme court judges...
...You think WWII started in 1941
...You desert your post in the armed services during a time of war
but still think sending other people off to be killed in a foreign land
is a pretty good idea.
...The federal government should stay out of states' rights -- unless
it can assist you in stealing an election.
...you honestly think that the fact that Dubya's lie about the
Saddam-Africa uranium link isn't that important since he only used '16 words' to tell it. Eric M firstname.lastname@example.org
"...God Bless America...first, and then Houston...Amen."
...If, like our president and his handlers, you choose policy
positions with your "gut," not your brain, let alone your heart. You can be sure you're one of them if you then equate disagreement with traitorous disloyalty and moral corruption.
...you think Thomas Jefferson was a commie for suggesting dissent
is the highest form of patriotism. -NJ
...you're proud that Mr. Bush has implemented the toughest
voluntary pollution emission standards to date!
...if you support invading countries that you have never even heard
...you have no problem with the title of Bill Bennett's new book
"How to Win at Blackjack."
...you support GW's plan to funnel tax dollars to faith-based
charities while allowing them to discriminate in their hiring practices.
...you think that the republican mascot was modeled after you...
...You can't spell school, but you think that dems should quit
complaining bout the lack of Edjimification...
...you think that everyone that isn't a white christian straight male
with a hefty 401k is working for Osama Bin Laden
...Glue is your intellectual equal
...You believe that the presidency belongs to "whoever called it"
...you see no connection between the high approval rating and the mass deployment of troops...
...you have a copy of the bible that says that Jesus was a white
...you voted for Dubya because his nickname was easy to spell
...you think anyone who suggests our foreign policies for the last 50
years haven't always been consistent with our stated ideals, and have instead put corporate profits ahead of democracy, justice, and human rights and such actions have no affect on us and the rest of the world, and anyone who suggests those things are just "blaming America first"
...If you believe there were Dixie Chicks CD burning events because
"people in this country are tired of hearing insults against our
commander-in-chief" (actual statement made by a family member), and wasn't sponsored, promoted, and organized by Clear Channel radio stations, who's CEO has been a George Bush crony going back to his oil company days in Texas nor had anything to do with the billions of dollars to be made by corporate media in FCC regulations legislation pending in Congress
...don't understand that waving the flag, supporting your leaders, and questioning the patriotism of anyone who questions the government would have made you a fine citizen of Iraq, Nazi Germany, and Soviet Russia too
...Live in the rural Midwest, where every farm and small town has been decimated, and still vote republican cause people like Reagan, George W, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, and Dick Armey have your "real" concerns in mind
...You don't make the connection between Enron, Worldcom, the fact
that 12 guys with box cutters can hijack 4 airplanes, the energy crisis in California, the sorry state of radio, the monopolization of media, the shocking state of health care, and the rise of corporate control with 20 plus years or Republican's deregulating everything in site.
...You physically and verbally attack a fellow citizen who fails to
stand at attention when Lee Greenwood's song "proud to be an American" is played at a stock car race-true story
...You believe the doctrine of Pre-emptive war against a country that
may someday threaten us and our interests is a great idea, and also
believe that Japan was "treacherous" for attacking pearl harbor
...You watch Fox news and consider yourself informed, yet consider
yourself so much better off than people in the old Soviet Union were with Pravda
...You think Sean Penn, the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen and all those
"hollyweird liberals" should just shut the hell up, but Charlton Heston, Ted Nugent, the "arnold" et cet et cet can say what they want
...you defend the very rich while you live in a trailer. - Sierra
...you're against abortion rights AND welfare for those children born
to those unable to support them.
...you claim that people on the left wing are communists,but you are
all for keeping the rich rich and the poor poor...
...you would spend $2,000 to eat a hot dog at a fundraiser.
...if you believe that "W" was protecting Nebraska on 9/11 or that he
wanted to go where the action was. (Remember his Viet Nam heroics...)
...if your only source of information is "Faux News".
...while other children were playing with Lincoln Logs, board games,
and tag, you were helping Daddy pick out which families to evict this
...the one thing that stands between you and poverty is your trust
fund. Eric M
...you're over 30 years old and still have to get your mother's
approval before you can date someone. Eric M
...Your favorite erotic literature is the quarterly treasury interest
quotes on long-term t-bills. Eric M
...you don't support sex outside of marriage since you're married, and
you still can't get any. Eric M
...You declare that any ordinary American can make it to top
completely on their own, and use Bill Gates and W. Bush as examples. email@example.com
.....you would rather have sex with Sandra Day O'Connor than Sandra
...you would rather see a nude photo of Sandra Day O'connor than
Sandra Bullock Keith..firstname.lastname@example.org
...If hearing Bill Clinton's name raised during every debate over
Bush's policies (foreign or domestic) doesn't get monotonous. Somehow, "well Clinton did..." seems like the perfect counterpoint to anything a liberal says. Josh D.
...you believe God Guns and Guts is either moral, logical or literate. -anonymous
......you use Jesus and guns in the same sentence.
...your solution for everything are tax cuts - aaron
...you think the fact that under Dubya's rule we now have fewer jobs, a shaky economy, and a multi-billion-dollar deficit--rather than the expanding economy, low unemployment and multi-billion-dollar surplus we had when Clinton left office--is still somehow Clinton's fault.
...you think other people should have fewer children but you won't allow sex education in schools because those horny teenagers might get ideas. by Syd
...you really think creationism is a science, Darwin was the devil, and all those million-year-old fossils were put into the geologic substrate by a God with a warped sense of humor strictly to pinpoint the godless and make them easier to send to hell. by Syd
...you'd rather build prisons than schools. by Syd
...you think for a second your money makes you a better person.
...you own a chocolate company that has "temp" workers that have been there for 10 years with no benefits or paid time off.
...you write a book called "the book of virtues" and then blow $8M in gambling over the course of 10+ years
...that sleeping with your first cousin is alright but god forbid two people of the same gender try and build a life together.
...if you think Choice Point should come and re-invent the voting process in your state, too.
...if for a second you think we "won" in iraq when all we really won was the ire of the iraqi people and the european union voting to slap sky-high tariffs on all american imports in retaliation for our "just war of liberation."
...you think "children are our most precious gift" and then think it's ok to bomb the sh*t out of a country where 50% of the population is under the age of 15
...you think that having a few thousand dollars in an employer sponsored 401(k) makes you part of the "investor class"
...you scream at women that life is sacred and abortion is not a choice but never have gone and adopted at least a 6-pack of the "special needs" and unwanted children yourself
...you can't wait for President Jeb Bush in
...you've never looked up the definition of 'liberal', but you know it's gotta have something to do with commies..
...you call yourself "pro-life" when all you
really care about is the birth. Then the poor schlub is on his/her own
'cause "I've given you the chance."
...you are convinced that quiche is part of a French conspiracy to deplete good red-blooded Americans of their 'precious bodily fluids'. Eric M
...the fact that your parents only owned one house and one car, in your mind, qualifies you as an expert on growing up underprivileged. Eric M
...You think that 9/11 changed the world
...you think Rick Santorum is getting a bum
rap for his homophobic comments.
...you KNOW that god's on your side.
...you love to tell everyone else what to
do, as long as you can do what you
...you learned that lobotomies don't hurt after all !
...you stopped thinking years ago.
...you recently sent a letter to Dubya
suggesting that the next target in the
'War on Terror' should be the DNC National HQ.
...you have ever offered to donate a gas
chamber to a homeless shelter.
...your i.q. is the same as your tax
bracket. Eric M
...you think that we should nuke North Korea back into the stone age.
...you think Bill O'Reilly's Fox News show
really is a 'no spin zone'.
...the Nevada state Gaming Commission sends
you a birthday card and fruit
basket every year.
...your bookie has you on speed dial.
...you believe that Dick Cheney "EARNS"
$31million/year with absolutely no conflict of interest! (this is from a true,
living conversation w/ a RW Repub.)
...you really believe that all the
millionaire brothers & sisters in the
Republican party really "earned" their milllions!
...you think that "global warming" means
that the rest of the world is starting to "warm up" to Dubya!
...you really believe that George is running this country and do not know who Cheney, Rumsfield, Rove and Ashcroft are.
.....You think the people have forgotten the
first person to die in the
revolutionary war, or just as importantly, Kent state and anyone before or since who has spoken against these thieves of our livelihood!
..you think you're middle class but you're really just upper white trash
...you claim to be a virtuous Catholic and
disregard the Pope on the death
penalty and the so-called war with Iraq. You also think that lust is worse than gluttony, greed and wrath. Ya wanna bet eight million that God doesn't?
...you secretly wish that poor and disabled
people who cannot afford
prescription medications would just drop dead, so you can keep your hard-earned wages, interest, and dividends to yourself.
...you still believe President Clinton
should have resigned from office and
been thrown in jail for hiding his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Yet, you are
also convinced that America's self-appointed grand inquisitor of morality, Bill Bennett's hiding a multi-million dollar gambling problem while sitting in
judgment on anyone he doesn't approve of is no biggie.
...you have no sympathy for anyone who
didn't have the good sense to be born
into a rich, politically influential family. Eric M
...You think the Catholic church is too
...you just can't seem to hear the sound of
a wounded, hungry, lonely child
-here or in Iraq- and can't even lip-read our "neighbors to the north" because your head is in a deep dark warm place and it feels so cozy you just don't want to pull it out! You support our troops all right. - because so far, all you've had to do is drive to the mall and buy a big ol' flag and a hubba-bubba I love 'Murica decal...Uh-huh! Yah know, yah just can't flag yo' way to heaven no more..that kinda crap don't cut it with the Lord!
...you think that self-styled "morality
czar" Bill Bennett is being unfairly
singled out for criticism for losing millions in casino gambling...
...You own an autographed photo of Rick Santorum.
...It takes you up to five times as long to drive anywhere, because you refuse to go left, even when driving!
...you can't quite see just how hypocritical it is
for the U.S. to brag about
freeing the Iraqi people from a repressive dictatorship, when we have a long,shameful history of cozying up to repressive dictators such as Francisco Franco of Spain, Mohammed Reza Pahlavi the Shah of Iran, Juan Domingo Perón of Argentina, Fulgencio Batista of Cuba, Chang-Kai Shek of China, not to mention Saddam Hussein when he was invading Iran. Eric M email@example.com
...you think that Christian faith will fix
anything that can't be fixed by the
...you believe "supporting our troops" means
cheerleading the war in Iraq while
turning a blind eye to Bush's tax plan which will cut nearly 15 billion dollars
in Revenue from the VA over a ten year period- Michael Atwood email:
...you value your freedom of speech, but think that anyone else who disagrees with you should keep their mouths shut.
...you still wonder about that Tinky-Winky
...you wonder why we need all them artsy-fartsy
artifacts from Iraqi
...you believe that Oliver North deserves the
Medal of Honor for helping the
Reagan administration circumvent U.S. law regarding aid to the Contras and giving weapons for hostages, when, in fact, he should be in the Army punishment barracks in Leavenworth, KS making big rocks into little ones for acts unbecoming an officer of the U.S. army.
...you think the term "freedom fries" is a real zinger
...when you saw Tiger Woods standing on the golf
course for the first time on
TV, you automatically assumed he was the caddie.
...You are pro life and pro capital punishment at the same time
...catch-phrases such as "shock & awe", collateral
damage", "targets of
opportunity", et. al. give you such a woody that FOXNEWS is now your daily
substitute for hard-core porn.
...you believe that, come Judgment Day, when we're all waiting to see if we'll be allowed into Heaven, good ol' Dubya is gonna be immediately shown through the Pearly Gates - those poseurs Mother Teresa and the Pope are just gonna have to wait their turn in line
...you believe Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward should have been hanged for their treasonous acts against the the Republican Party... I mean... against the country
...You think Madonna is a whore, but you can't
take your eyes off Ann
...You hate all those Frenchies..except LePen!
...you refuse to acknowledge that the media does
not tell you what to
think...it tells you what to think about.
...you think Lesbians shouldn't be able to
pro-create but you wouldn't let them
get an abortion either.
...you think the U.S. REALLY wants a democratic society (one man - one vote) in Iraq. 60% of Iraq is Shiite. So Bush wants the Shiites in charge? I don't think so...
...You don't have a library card, don't have a computer, don't take a newspaper but never miss Fox news.
...you refer to the Holy Trinity as Bush, Cheney,
and Ashcroft and you refer
to Charlton Heston as the other white Jesus'. firstname.lastname@example.org
...the thought of a poor black woman having a baby makes you physically ill.
...You are waiting for the supreme court to give
you permission to pray .
...you can't figure out why people laughed so much at Archie Bunker.
...you honestly think that Saudi Arabia, Syria, Iran, Jordan, and all the other Arab nations really want Iraq to have a democratic government, even though none of them have one. Eric M
...you hold strong opinions of things you don't understand .
...You not only pick on little countries with
little military power, but also
attack our oldest allies, and then take on members of your own party who dare to disagree with you on a single issue.
......you think former Enron and Worldcom executives should be appointed to the SEC.
...You believe if it weren't for the U.S. the
French would be speaking German,
without realizing that if it weren't for the French we'd all be speaking
...you have silver in your hair, gold in your teeth, and lead in your pants!
...you make a special trip to the hardware store
each month to buy
quarter-sized washers to throw in the cups of panhandlers you come across in your travels.
...you just can't understand why your employees feel they need to have the minimum wage raised, when you give them a free cup of coffee each morning!
...you made your fortune the old fashioned way, you inherited it!
...as far as you're concerned, the last immigrants who should have been allowed into the country came over on the Mayflower.
...you think that Iran is an Arab country.
...if you think that 'oxymoron' is a new brand of acne treatment.
...the fact that U.S. armed forces were ordered to
secure the Iraqi oil
ministry, oil fields, and refineries while they let the Iraqi central bank and museums chock full of irreplaceable antiquities and artifacts to be looted
doesn't mean that this was a war for oil. Eric M
...you pick who to vote for by how much their
election will benefit your
investment portfolio. Eric M
...you are convinced that greed is a moral imperative. Eric M
...Dubya and his handlers have you convinced that their dividend tax cut, which benefits people making $200,000.00 a year and up most, will somehow benefit people who hold minimum wage jobs. Eric M
...you have a 'Be American, buy American!' bumper-sticker on your BMW. Eric M
...your favorite verse from the Bible is 'those that do not work, do not eat'.
...you are convinced that Dubya won the 2000
Presidential Election fair and
...you hope and pray that Sandra Day O'Connor will leave the Supreme Court soon so that Dubya can add another 'right thinking' justice to the court. Eric M
...you believe that the NRA is defending the
Constitution and not the ACLU
...you feel that the Supreme Court upholding
liberal legislation is improper
judicial activism, but when the Supreme Court upholds right-wing legislation, it
is just doing its job. Eric M
...them 'lefty liberal Hollywood types' don't have
the right to criticize
Dubya's policy's and/or decisions, but morons like the three stooges of the 21st Century on 'Fox and Friends' have every right to use their 1st amendment rights of free expression to demonize anyone who dares question anything Dubya does or says, no matter how foolish or brainless it might be.
...as a Conservative Christian, you wonder why so many people keep calling the son of God "Jesus". you felt sure he was named "Rush L."
...you think there are enough $5million per year
jobs out there for everyone to
have one, if they'd only work hard enough.
...You think tying a yellow ribbon is patriotic,
forgetting that the original
song is about a convicted felon coming home after serving time, and forgetting even further that yellow is the color of cowardice. (So tie a yellow ribbon around Dubya's neck, pardner, tie it really tight)
...you firmly believe the N.R.A. bromide "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.", but can't quite see how this also might apply to drugs.
...you believe Saddam poses the same level of
threat to the World today, with
his outdated and demoralized army, that Nazi Germany did back in the 1930s and
1940s with its well equipped and well led armed forces.
...you think you are defeating...rather than causing more terrorism and hatred all over this planet..
...you listen to Rush Limbaugh in order to figure
out what you're supposed to
...you despise, hate and fear 'freedom of speech' that does not echo the views of the powers that are now in control.
...you regularly write letters to the U.S. mint demanding that they take F.D.R. off of the dime and replace him with Senator Joseph McCarthy.
...you think that since 'our boys' have defeated
Sad. H, that we own the
country and its resources and we (or our puppets) are the only ones worthy of ruling Iraq.
...you honestly think the U.S. defeated Nazi
Germany virtually single-handed in
World War II. (Ignoring the fact that 3/4 of the military might of the
Wehrmacht was sent against the U.S.S.R. from the start of Operation Barbarossa
until the end of the war.
...you think 'punishing' Canada in trade matters
or at border crossings, you
will still get the 94% of natural gas, and all the other resources you are
greedy enough to think is your right...
...when you watch a baseball or hockey game where one team is Canadian, you get upset that they play that other anthem after ours!
...you save all the pennies you get, 'cause your sure that copper prices are going to go through the roof one of these days! (Not realizing that pennies minted now contain only a small amount of copper, and are made mostly of an inexpensive alloy.) Eric M
...the aggregate I.Q. of the brain-trust you hang
out with is below the
average temperature in mid-Winter Alaska, but you all consider yourselves smart fellas 'cause you watch FoxNews! Eric M
......the misuse of the word 'compassion' is
nothing compared to the past
misuse of the word 'is'
......you believe Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the
USA," is our country's
...you think those who see this war as immoral are against our troops, rather than against the illegal decision to invade...
...when you hear about starving Iraqis on the news due to the U.N. sanctions, you think 'Let them eat oil!'
...the government subsidizing and financial
assistance to the poor, disabled,
and elderly is abhorrent to you, but having the government subsidize
multi-million and billion dollar corporations is just fine with you!
...you think its fair for the DOD to deduct the
disability payments disabled
vets receive from their pension payments, when no other Federal employees are
hit with this penalty, the worst risk most of them ever faced at work was a
...you think that rich people are an oppressed minority.
...you don't seem to realize that the only reason
Dubya may have cried each
time Texas executed someone during his tenure as Governor is because he didn't
have the privilege of pulling the switch himself.
...in the face of crime statistics that show that
only 5% of the violent crimes
in this country are committed by people with mental illness, you firmly believe
that most mentally ill people should be locked up and the key thrown away.
...you can't see the resemblance between Dubya and
...Amos 'n Andy was one of your favorite tv shows,
and you just can't
understand why black people would be offended by it.
...a charity asking you for $22.00 a month to keep
a child in a third world
country healthy seems like a real imposition, yet you have no problems spending hundreds of dollars a year to keep the grass in your lawn healthy.
...you are convinced that the Bill of Rights is was cooked up by lefty, commie, pinkos, and should be repealed for the good of the country.
...all the books about American history you have ever read were written by Lilly White and her son, Whitey Backlash.
...you oppose universal health care. In your way of thinking, people who can't afford adequate health insurance are just sh*t out of luck!
...you think Dubya's 'economic stimulus package',
whick will mainly help his
ultra-rich pals get wealthier, has you thinking that this will somehow help the rest of us.
..flag burning, to your way of thinking, should be
a capitol offense.
...your favorite phrase with reference to minority
groups is, "Some of my best
friends are . . .", but they aren't, really.
...you think Ebenezer Scrooge was a spineless sellout.
...when Halloween rolls around, you turn out all
the lights in your house and
hide in the basement. You won't support begging of any kind!
...when approached by a panhandler, tell them to
"get a job!", but wouldn't
dream of giving someone like that a job at your company!
...when you see an African-American, even an elderly one, coming towards you, you cross the street, just to be safe.
...you get more upset if your local liquor store
runs out of your brand of beer
than if some poor slobs who can't find work in a lousy economy have their
unemployment benefits run out.
...you sip brandy and smoke expensive, imported
cigars with your cronies at
your favorite cigar bar, but oppose the opening of liquor stores in your
neighborhood and think smoking cigarettes should be banned everywhere.
...the last time you went out to eat with your friends and picked up the check, Eisenhower was president.
...the local branch of the John Birch Society banned you from their meetings because you are too reactionary for their tastes.
...the F.B.I. has told you to stop writing love
letters to Bob and/or Elizabeth
...Sandra Day O'Connor is your love goddess.
...Geraldo Rivera giving away information on the location and movements of U.S. troops in a combat situation doesn't bother you, after all he works for Fox News, and they can do no wrong!
...you are still convinced that Enron will be making a comeback any day now.
...you make more dollars than sense.
...you still carry a grudge about what happened to that nice, young Senator Joseph McCarthy
...when you see a liberal protestor being beaten
up by a policeman, you become
...the painting 'Dogs Playing Poker' is your idea of truly great art!
...being a 'ditto-head' is your proudest achievement in life.
...you would just as soon shave your head and join the Hare Krishnas, then go to a fine arts museum.
...listening to talk radio keeps you 'informed'.
...Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and the Fox and
Friends gang have all
subscribed to your newsletter.
...Strom Thurmond sends you a birthday card every year.
...you wrote and published a book of poetry entitled 'The Joys of Supply-Side Economics'.
...you would send more hate-mail to those
stinking, commie, pinko, unpatriotic,
liberal Congressman, but it takes so long to get one out typing with one finger.
...the less you know about a subject, the stronger
your opinions are concerning
...to you, having an unqualified Republican in the
White House is better than
having a qualified Democrat there.
...you have the best PC money can buy, but don't have a clue as to what to do with it once you turn it on.
...when Ronald Reagan testified that he didn't
recall being told about the
Iran/Contra deals, you believed him.
...you get props for your "consistent" policy from
your friends, but you
have more waffles than Belgium. (Interrobang)
...you think that if Canada doesn't say "How
high?" on the way up when the
US says "Jump!", the US is perfectly justified in squashing Canada like a bug.
(This goes for Canadian "Right-Wing Republicans" too!)
...you really think that the US military "defends"
Canada (and Mexico) from
something, and that therefore those other countries "owe us" something.
… you fail to see the hypocrisy of ignoring the
U.N. to show Saddam you do
not ignore the U.N., thereby bypassing the democratic process in order to put democracy into Iraq.
...you think supply side makes sense, because side dishes are your favorite.
...you believe FOX News is actually 'Fair and Balanced Reporting'.
...abortion is murder, but the bombing of children is collateral damage.
...you protect your freedoms by taking freedoms away from everyone else.
...You ramble on and on about those who fought and died for our freedoms, then turn a blind eye to those who fought and lived.
Brian in Knoxville
...You can't see the sick irony in using weapons
of mass destruction to attack
a country that you suspect has weapons of mass destruction
...you believe that anyone who talks of peace is
either a communist or is
providing aid to the terrorists.
...you would rather have something that belonged to Hitler instead of something that belonged to John F Kennedy because Kennedy cheated on his wife and Hitler did not. (true story)
...you blather that US troops in Iraq are "fighting for our freedoms" and in the same breath say that those anti-American protesters oughta be all shipped to concentration camps or into Iraq where they can be "turned into mist by our boys over there". - http://involution.org/rattler
...you're open-minded enough to try to find humor
in the stuff on this page
but just don't see it, try as you may. :D
...your Dubya ass-kissing neighborhood rallies when Dubya liberates the poor suffering people of Iraq, but has a hissy fit when the first family of those towel heads move into YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!!!!
... you make education your "number one priority"
and then list it THIRD on
your campaign website's list of important platform stands
......you believe 49% of the popular vote constitutes a mandate from the people
......you've done as you're told and completely
forgotten about Bin Laden,
whose capture we were promised by the President was supposed to be "our number
one priority" ( quoted Sept 2001) now doesn't really matter and (according to
the president again) that Bin Laden is "NOT a priority" (quoted January 2003).
.....you really think there's a link between
Hussein and Bin Laden, when
Hussein has violently suppressed fundamentalism in Iraq for 20 years.
......you think it makes sense that we spent 50
million dollars to discover
Clinton got a hummer from a groupie, but only 10 million to investigate how 19 terrorists hijacked 4 jet liners, destroyed the two largest buildings east of the Mississippi, and killed three thousand people in the most successful
terrorist event in our nation's history.
...your favorite exercise is dressing in a white
sheet and scaring the new
......you have one of those Charlton Heston is my
other president bumper
...you have been unemployed for a year or more and
still continue to blame
Clinton for your plight while singing the praises of an administration that
hardly gives a s**t about you!
...you firmly believe that the phrases, "right to
life" and "right to own guns"
...you consider anyone who makes less than $100,000.00 a year to be dirt poor.
...If you now use the phrase "mother of all bombs"
to refer to a particular
weapon, because it makes you feel nurtured, like your own mother used to
I bet that's how shrub feels.
...you think tax cuts for the rich are going to help this economy
...You believe that the country club serving you red, white and blue cupcakes is a masterful stroke of patriotism.
...you agree in principal that the U.S. should
seek energy self sufficiency,
but you drive an SUV that gets 11 miles per gallon.
...you think the robber-barons of the late 19th
Century were just
misunderstood. Eric M
...you think the president should be chosen by the
supreme court from now on.
That darned democratic process is just too darned messy! Eric M
...you think "The Green Berets" is the best movie
...you think more spending for more jails is the answer to less spending for social programs
...you believe in the sanctity of life from the
moment of conception right up
to the moment of birth. rambler american
...you enjoy sending sons and daughters of the less fortunate into battle for your own personal political gain
...you call the media liberal and then can't name
one person fitting in that
...you think that trimming the proposed tax cut in half actually qualifies as a tax increase.
...patriotism means love for your government, not
love for your country. Leslie
...you hold Rush Limbaugh, Savage, Hannity, O'Reilly, and Coulter on the same level as Billy Graham, Pat Buchanan and the believuhs at TBN
...you don't think we need allies, just as long as
we can scare the
you-know-what out of everybody with our cool new 'preemptive war' policy!
...you don't think it actually matters if we find
any weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq. After all, that wiley S.O.B. Saddam probably just ate
them, or made them turn invisible!
...you think all these retired military types who have been out of the 'loop' for years and years that the TV networks have dredged up actually know what they're talking about.
...you think Peter Arnett is a back-stabbing
traitor and should be hanged for
saying on Iraqi TV basically the same thing U.S. generals and pundits have been saying all along.
...you support the repeal of the dividend tax but
oppose raising the minimum
wage to a living wage.
...the only Democrat you are impressed with is John C. Calhoun.
...you think that 'public assistance' should
consist of giving the poor,
disabled, and elderly a one-way bus ticket to Canada. Bob the Blob
...you think sending one billion of dollars to Turkey, when many States are having to cut essential services to the disabled and elderly due to revenue shortfalls, is a real good idea.
...you honestly feel that changing the name
'French fries' to 'Freedom fries'
will really teach those back-stabbing Frenchies a lesson!
...you think that France, Germany, Russia, and Turkey have a lot of nerve thinking they can go around having their own foreign policies separate from ours!
...You can use the phrase "compassionate
conservative" with a straight face
while threatening reporters into not filming the thousands of innocent Iraqi
...You think that war could have been avoided if
only Saddam had started a
money-grubbing oil company like any normal dictator.
...Your "Leave No Child Behind" does not include
the thousands of economically
deprived American minority member children even now being sent off to die so you
only have to pay 40 cents to the gallon.
...You think George W. and Dumbo don't look alike
...you think the only thing standing between you &
fabulous wealth with
Paradise on Earth is giving the richest people in the country all their tax
money back, letting endangered species die, dangerous or untrustworthy
industries "regulate" themselves, making high-paid doctors & HMO's immune from
lawsuits when they f*ck up or deny somebody treatment, and beating the hell out
of anybody who has the gall to ask to be treated like a real human being even if
they can't afford to give thousands of dollars to your campaign.
Well stated. Are you Paul Begala?
...you eat babies....... (OK, it's an exaggeration, but it's the most succinct & over-the-top way I could think of for showing how f*cked up the Republican Guard in DC really is)
...your favorite insults include "Professor",
"intellectual", or "peace-monger".
...your attention span shuts off after anything more than a 6-second soundbite.
...you have two ways of clearing your bowels of
filth: orally AND anally.
...the terms "conflict of interest" and "insider
trading" mean nothing to you &
your pals at Halliburton, Harken, Enron, & whatever Savings & Loan Neil Bush
...a cushy Texas Air National Guard hideaway from
the horrors of Vietnam is too
much for your cocaine & whiskey saturated ass to handle, let alone be grateful
for (unlike the thousands of un-connected Blacks & poor people who simply had to
risk coming home in tiny little pieces in a bodybag)!
...You can't understand this quote: "To announce
that there must be no
criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or
wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the
American public." --Theodore Roosevelt, 1918
...you think that "freedom" for iraq is the same a "crusade" in which they should be purged with the flames of salvation
...You have an American Flag on your Lincoln Navigator...you HAVE a Lincoln Navigator
...Clinton's pen*s is still of greater concern to you, than the number of dead iraqi children in this war
...your idea of "the ultimate sacrifice" would be having your multi-millionaires-only tax cut welfare dropped from $700 billion to a "mere" $400 billion during a war.
...you are so dense that you can't see how legitimizing "pre-emptive" wars will be a disaster for global stability.
...you seem oblivious to the meaning of the word "hypocrite" you double talking veterans-benefits-slashing-during-war-right-to-life-unless-it's-a black-man-whose-lawyer-slept-through-the-trial-corporate-welfare giving SUV(Stupid Ugly Vulgar)-driving police-state-loving chickenhawk!!!
...you claim to be "pro life" while
enthusiastically supporting the death
...you claim to have "gone broke" by paying taxes. Tracy C.
...you aren't taking comfort in the fact that the Big Shrub's chances of re-election (not that he was elected in the first place) are shrinking, casualty by casualty.... Susan from Florida
...you've never actually met a black person who's not hired help.
...you're very, very good at saying, "Let's you and him fight."
...you think liberating people means sending them to heaven - Thomas Tomello
...you think Bush is not a crazed, short-tempered, moron - Anonymous
...you love "Freedom Fries" "Freedom Toast"
"Freedom Kiss," Vi Va la Amercian!
...you do not remember the French getting
out of Viet Nam in 1954 and not listening to the French in 2003.
...you think we have a free press.
...you believe Iraq was a real threat to the US.
...you worry about blacks on welfare.
...you believe that Fox News and the Bible are the only two sources worthy of trust.
...you believe a republican calling for democracy is anything more than a call for privatization of resources
...you buy American flags made in China, Pakistan, etc.
...you think Strom Thurmond winning the presidency
really WOULD'VE made this
country a better place.
...you trust Laura Bush to drive you to the airport.
...You think a severe recession, war, millions of jobs lost, an unsecured
homeland, Un ambassadors who walk out and the vilification of The united states by every country is progress, and 8 years of peace and prosperity under Clinton was bad.
...you mistake Civility for Servility.
...you don't know the difference between Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.
...you believe everyone who disagrees with you
"hasn't seen the light" so they_must_ be against God too and deserve to be "exposed".
...You ranted about Clinton being a draft dodger whenever he so much as ordered the National Guard down to McDonald's to get him a Big Mac, but when Dubya sends American troops to die in Iraq, you're not concerned that he went AWOL from the National Guard during Vietnam.
......you go to a pro-war rally wearing an Old
Navy shirt (let's hear it for
......You claim that "A high tide lifts all
boats", but forget that it drowns
those who can't afford a boat. email@example.com
...you might have been persuaded to change your
views on the war if Saddam had only joined the NRA.
...you support the troops by waging war on Veteran's Benefits.
...iraqis fight for their country are terrorists
and dubiya invading a country
and killing thousands on the pretext of the supposed threat due to probable
possession of wmd's is patriotism
...you get all your news from FOX and the
Compliant News Network and only use
the internet for surfing porn sites...
...you really believe Limbaugh, Savage, Hannity,
O'Reilly, Coulter etc. when
they say the media is "liberal". John in Lincoln
...... you have more dollars than sense.
...you voted for chickenhawk Saxby Chambliss over
Vietnam vet Max Cleland in
last year's Georgia Senate race.
...you think that the Federal deficits the Dubya
administration are somehow
different than the Federal deficits of the past blamed on the Democrats, and are somehow good for the country. Eric M
...you can use the phrase 'compassionate
conservative' in conversation with a
straight face. Eric M
...you think all low-cost housing projects should be knocked down to make room for more lovely golf courses.
...you honestly think the best way to defend the Constitution, which includes the Bill of Rights, we must be willing to curtail or eliminate the protections afforded citizens by the Bill of Rights. Eric M
...you don't see anything strange about Dubya
waging all-out war on Iraq when
there is no concrete proof that they have any weapons of mass destruction, or
evidence that they are a threat to the U.S. in any way, and says that North
Korea is no problem when they already have nukes, and may have lots more soon.
...you think it was real wrong for Hillary Clinton
to have private hearings to
set up the Clinton health care plan, but are ok with VP Cheney continuing to
refuse to let the American people know what went on when he met with
oil/gas/energy execs in private to set up Dubya's energy policy. Eric M
...the entire nation is in debt up to their ass and you're ready to give
billions of dollars to use their air space to fight a war that has no
justification. - firstname.lastname@example.org
...you think there was any link between Al Quaida and Iraq before we invaded Iraq against the wishes of the U.N.
...You think George Bush is way more 'smarterer' than Dan Quayle
...you tell your gay brother you don't think of
him as gay, just as your
...you scream that France opposes war only to look out for financial
interests.....but you think countries supporting war only because they got paid is, well, different.
...You believe George Bush's mistakes are Bill
...you firmly believe that Coleman would have beaten Wellstone.
...Killing the unborn by abortion is murder, but
doing it with a smartbomb is
...gaining a presidency without a majority is
legal, but not getting the
majority of UN votes and still getting vetoed down is damnable and against the 'moral majority.' email@example.com
. . . you won't give rape victims emergency contraceptives
. . . you are against abortion, but are in favor
of the death penalty, guns
in church, and bombing the hell out of civilians
... you believe that if you have a right to a M-16
in your house to fend off
federal troops, but US army will only need a week or two to defeat a nation with Weapons of Mass Destruction.
...you believe Reagan ended the Cold War.
...you're plain stupid, bought off, brain-dead or unconcerned about W's damage done to the country.
...you think Bill O'Reilly offers a liberal view.
...you believe the Supreme Court is the Higher Authority.
...you believe killing in the name of 'Pro Life' is rational.
...it is o.k. for christian terrorists to bomb
...You are against affirmative action, but if the
Supreme Court appoints a
mental RETARD to the Presidency, that's OK...
...you think Jesus wasn't a liberal (cause that
would make Dubya the
...anyone who disagrees with you is not a good Christian.
...Rush Limbaugh is your voice of reason.
. . .you believe a syllable the bush administration says
...you and your pet rock are intellectual peers.
...you've undergone a bungled lobotomy.
...no pretty young woman has ever called you "handsome" and you're insanely jealous of the female attention paid to Bill Clinton.
...you've got the copy of the movie Bush has already watched
...you believe that Dubya has the "anointing" and
his declaration of war is
mandated by the Almighty.
...you believe 25% tariffs on Canadian lumber is
"good for America."
...you really believe wealthy business owners will use their enormous sums of money from dividend tax cuts to create 1.5 million jobs firstname.lastname@example.org
...you really believe there is a double tax on
.....you think the problem with the French is that
they don't have a word for
...You honestly believe that people who smoke marijuana are supporting terrorism, but driving a vehicle that gets 15 MPG is patriotic.
...You think that owning an SUV is an inalienable
right covered under the
.... . .you're still obsessed with Bill Clinton's sex life.
. . .you don't believe the Bush family has hands
as dirty as Robert Hanssen, Aldrich Ames, the Rosenbergs and John Walker (all
either incarcerated or executed for betraying their country).
...you think war is the answer
...you think cowboys come from Connecticut.
...you are racist
...you think an Al Samoud is a WMD if it flies 15
miles too far ... when
unloaded, unarmed, and harmless.
...you couch your racism in your political views
...you don't "get" this quote: "The hottest places
in Hell are reserved for
those who remain neutral in time of great moral crisis." (Dante Alighieri)
...You are so ignorant that you have never heard of the Thomas Jefferson quote: "A little revolution now and then is a healthy thing."
...You are too stupid to have never heard of
Thomas Jefferson's quote: "The
price of freedom is eternal vigilance."
...you believe blood is black.
...you think that Saddam Hussein was behind the attacks of 9/11.
...you don't see a parallel between Bush believing he is on a mission from God and Osama bin Laden believing the same thing.
...you're pro-life but civilians in other countries are expendable.
...you think George is a uniter.
...you think Skull and Bones is a faith-based organization, that Poppy Bush and Dubya are members.
...you are appalled by Clinton getting some oral
sex , but are pleased when
Dubya gets bj's everyday from Limbaugh, Hannity, Oreilly, Coulter,
...you believe dissent equals treason
...You're too stupid to know that martial law will
be declared at the next
"terrorist attack" (whether "real" or Bush & Israel again).
...you believe that your leaders talk to God
...you've already decided that your support for having troops in Iraq will end the day a democrat takes office.
...you believe that ari fleisher deserves to
remain in possession of his vocal
...you think that there will be a 2004 election (or any election ever again).
... you believe fraternities sanction brotherhood,
and have nothing to do
with the covert pageantry of homoeroticism under the pretense of 'hazing.' -Bill (GenderGame@aol.com)
…you can't understand why Rush Limbaugh went stone deaf. (karma)
...Rush Limbaugh is your only source of news.
...you believe that boycotting french kissing will support the war against Iraq.
...you believe the War on Drugs is winnable. EB
…you believe smoking pot supports terrorism but
sending billions to Arab
countries does not.
...your "Leave No Child Behind" definitely does
not apply to IRAQI children
who are going to be orphaned by you.
...your "Leave No Child Behind" does not apply to
children of families who
...your "Leave No Child Behind" does not apply to
children of all
nationalities who are going to be killed, maimed and/or orphaned by your war.
...your "Leave No Child Behind" does NOT apply to
poor child without health
...your "Leave No Child Behind" certainly does NOT
apply to children with
AIDS who just happen to be receiving treatment at clinics that also offer
...you and your loved ones will be in the Bunker while others are killed.
...you use retirees as human shields at meetings on the companies 401k by I.M. Kulardenu & U Know It! email@example.com
...you think the reason we have so many poor people is because the rich people aren't rich enough and need a tax cut.
...You believe Bush knew nothing about 9-11, before the fact.
...you really believe there is such a thing as "The Liberal Press".
...you believe that Mel Carnahan, Paul Wellstone, and John Kennedy Jr.'s
planes all crashed due to "Pilot Error" !
...your idea of economic policy is welfare for the rich and hell-fare for the
rest of us.
...you think that screwing an intern is an impeachable offense, but screwing
an entire workforce is a personal, private matter.
think everyone else is stupid enough to believe what you say.
. . . . you say "go get 'em
boys" in the Atlanta Airport to both the young
men in military uniform and the young men their Wake Forest Golf Shirts, not realizing the difference.
...you think Saddam Hussein is a despicable, evil despot of a dictator......but great to do business with.
If you need a bologna sandwich, some
pretzels, big tall glass of Jack
Daniels, someone to read to ya, and a little nappy nap!
...you piss and moan about welfare.......unless it's corporate welfare.
...you think that if North Korea allows millions of it's citizens to be
impoverished while over-spending on the military and government elite, it's evil.....but when the richest country in the world allows millions to be
impoverished while overspending on the military and tax cuts for the government elite, it's capitalism.
......your IQ is smaller than your waistband
...You think it's great to see so many physicians leaving the practice of
medicine because of the rising cost of malpractice insurance and continually declining payment rates from insurers (especially Medicare) and say: " Those goddam physicians make too much money anyway"
E. Norman, M.D., M.B.A.
...you think that having to pay $26 billion for support means you actually have support.
...you brush off France's opposition as that coming from an insignificant
country, and boast about the support from Spain and Poland.
...you think that if they are going to insist on gassing their own prisoners,
we need to invade them so we can compel them to do the humane American thing, and electrocute them instead.
...you think the majority who voted for Gore was just a focus group.
...you think we should just dispense with the 2004 presidential election and
just let Bush have 4 more years due to the great job he's doing, and anyone who disagrees is unpatriotic.
...you weighed Rush Limbaugh's opinion on the tax cuts vs the opinion of 400
economists including 10 Nobel Laureates...and came down on the side of Rush
...You think social security is "some sort of Federal program" -
...you use the word "gay" as an insult.
...you've ever called for nucluleer war.
......you demand a refund on the Bill of Rights
...you're a "pro-life" millionaire who has never adopted a child.
...You want to save unwanted fetuses so they can grow up to be angry unwanted teenagers who commit crimes- then you can execute them.
...It doesn't bother you to cast votes exactly like David Duke does, because
you believe YOUR motivations to be pure: the means justify the end.
...You spread opinion-based falsehoods about concepts like global warming, genetic homosexuality, and evolution, but still constantly complain about American students' low scores on science tests.
...You actually believe that the framers of the Constitution would have
considered freely available police-vest piercing bullets to be an inalienable
...You were born middle to upper class, but still think you're a "self made
...You're more concerned with the next fiscal quarter than with the next
...Your economic policies would help people by laying them off.
...You think the government's concern for human life should begin at
conception, but then end at birth.
...You'd rather see American children well defended than well fed.
...You can't figure out why urban blacks still haven't "gotten it together" a
whole 35 years after the civil rights movement began.
...Reducing Bill Gates' tax rate is more important than reducing the country's crime rate, drug addiction rate, abortion rate, or poverty rate.
...You think that people smoke crack "for the fun of it," like it's something
that happens at wild frat parties. You don't see the difference between smoking marijuana and shooting heroin, and you have no notion of why someone would try to kill his sadness with hard drugs.
...You talk about "less government," but still want to pass laws governing
people's sexual, reproductive, marital, and end-of-life choices.
...You get very angry thinking about fat people who say they need Food Stamps. If they're so damn poor, why don't they look like Ethiopians?
...You're so convinced that God will take care of all the sick people that you
believe government shouldn't even bother.
...you think that the giant multinational corporations who own the media allow for a "liberal bias"
you think Bush could give a speech without a teleprompter -
... you think Saddam Hussein flew one of the 911 planes.
...You think a mind is a terrible thing.
...you think that it is a duty of the criminal justice system to execute THE
...you believe that if you can't plaster your car with a "these colors don't
run" bumper sticker, then the "turrists" have truly won!
when you change something's name for a dumb reason because it offends
you ("freedom fries"?!) that's ok, but when someone else changes something's
name for a real reason because it offends them ("stewardess" to "flight
attendant," say), that's "political correctness," and therefore evil.
...your heart pumps oil.
...you bitch and moan about big government while Clinton is in office, but
when government expands under Dubya...it's OK
...you think the Chicken Hawks in the White House are brave and courageous men.
...only the rich deserve to live.
...you think Clinton was responsible for Ruby Ridge and Waco
...you blame Clinton's penis for massive unemployment, vaporized life
savings, exploding budget deficits, 9-11, Enron, etc., etc.
...you want to bomb Iraq because they may have weapons of mass destruction (oil)...but give North Korea who has weapons of mass destruction a pass (no oil).
...during the Vietnam War you had your Daddy pull strings so you could get into a National Guard unit and avoid the draft and combat, but feel its every young person's duty today to enlist and serve in the war on Saddam.
...you think maximizing your oil company stock value is far more important than preserving the environment for future generations.
...you didn't know that Rush Limbaugh used to be a 'liberal' until he figured
out that being a mud-slinging, right-wing, conservative paid better.
...when you give a quarter to a street person, you ask them for a receipt so
you can deduct it from your taxes.
...you have first edition copies of Rush Limbaugh's books in the original
...you think entertainers such as Barbara Streisand and Alec Baldwin should
stay out of politics and that ex-entertainer Ronald Reagan made a fine Governor of California and President of the United States, yet see nothing hypocritical bout holding these two views. Eric M.
...you think France, Germany, Belgium, and all the other turn-coats out there should learn a few things from our good friends, the Saudi Arabians!
...you think that Tom Ridge is one smart cookie.
...you think Mexico would be a great place if not for all those darned
...you refuse to go to any restaurant that advertises 'liberal' portions.
...you are a card carrying member of the John Birch Society, the ARA, and the 'Kill a Freak for Jesus' chapter in your town.
...you think that Lawrence Welk was very progressive because he had an
African-American tap dancer on his t.v. show.
...you still think that ketchup really is a vegetable.
...you are sure that Judge Bork got a raw deal.
...you can't locate 90% of the World's nations on a globe, but can name every NASCAR driver there is.
...you think it was morally wrong for Saddam to gas his own people but
morally right for Bush to bomb them .
...you believe Jesus would bomb Iraq.
...you have no idea why we are going to war but support it anyway! -Fugi
...you think that because U.S. freed France in W.W.II it is not 'free' to
oppose U.S. policy with Iraq.
you’re the first to call up a talk show to ferociously oppose Estate tax
or any type of taxations on Billionaires. Just because you have a cell phone and hope to crack the seven-figure income any year now. But you make 24 grand a year and drive an 82 Escort.
...you would be horrified to learn that Jesus was actually a long-haired,
dark-skinned, peace-loving Jew
...you think minimum wage shouldn't have to provide people enough money to pay rent AND buy food.
...you believe Christianity is oppressed in America.
...you believe atheists shouldn't be citizens.
...you're 40 years old, and have never dated, let alone been married, because your saving yourself for Margaret Thatcher.
...you think its just to put someone in jail for years and years for smoking a
joint, but only up to four years for getting drunk and killing someone with
...you think its reasonable that many States spend more per capita on animals in the zoo than they do on the disabled.
...you did drugs in college, but think we should put first time drug users in
jail and throw away the key.
...you believe Fox News' tag line that they are 'fair and balanced'.
...you think its fair for the Federal Government to subsidize multi-million
dollar corporations, give massive tax breaks to the rich, tax the heck out of
the middle class, and leave this country's poor, disabled, and elderly out in
the lurch by cutting the programs they rely on.
...you truly believe that the rising cost of health care is due to all those
law suits, and has nothing to do with the price gouging done by the drug
companies, who charge Americans the highest prices for medications in the World!
...you find Ann Coulter sexy. - JB
...you condemn Bill Clinton for lying about oral sex, but it is alright if
North blatantly lies about Iran-Contra. - JB
...you truly believe that restoring accountability to the White House means it’s
all Clinton’s fault.
...you think that the Arabs and the Israelis should sit down and resolve their
differences like good Christians.
...your proud to be an "Amurricun" - anonymous
...you idolize a social Darwinist economic system, but are against teaching
evolution in the schools.
...You don’t get it when you hear Secretary Rumsfeld referred to as Dr. Strangelove.
...You ARE Dr. Strangelove.
...You believe the Saudi’s are our friends.
...You believe that John Ashcroft speaks to God.
...You believe that God speaks to John Ashcroft.
...You believe you are God.
...you think Pearl Harbor is the greatest film ever made.-anonymous
...you favor a strict closed border policy, however your maid, your au pair,
and your gardener are all undocumented aliens who work for peanuts.-anonymous
...you think the best way to protect our forests from wildfires is to allow
unrestricted clear cutting by the logging industry.-anonymous
...the closest you ever came to real suffering was when you got locked in your
limo and had to live on olives and martinis for a whole hour until the
...you think that Richard Nixon was just too darned liberal!-anonymous
...your annual income is over six figures, yet when you go out to eat, you
throw around quarter tips like they were manhole covers.-anonymous
...you secretly see the 'War on Terror' and the war against Saddam as a way to justify cutting or eliminating all those pesky social programs.-anonymous
...you secretly feel that Strom Thurmond would have been a fine President back in '48.-anonymous
...you think "subliminable" is a word.-anonymous
...you think that manual labor is the President of Mexico.-anonymous
...you think mighty highly of the Texas School System for producing such a
...you really think you're in the "top 1%" income bracket...and you make $25,000 a year!-anonymous
...you think it's ok and you aren't angry when you lose your job, because
"the company's just doing what it has to."-anonymous
...you really believe that education is a "product," students are the
"consumers," and that the consumer should get what they want out of it, because they "pay dearly for it."-anonymous
...you *know* that free markets are the best, most fair way of doing
everything, *especially after* you hear all the evidence to the contrary (Enron, California electricity, health care, etc.).-anonymous
...you genuinely believe that the Bush cares about democracy abroad.-anonymous
...your ancestors never would have been allowed to set foot on US soil under current immigration laws, but everything's the fault of "those furriners."-anonymous
...you aren't rich, but you really honestly believe you're going to be
...you went a.w.o.l. and then deserted your army unit-anonymous
...if you've paid for three of your mistresses' abortions, but stand to be
counted as a pro-lifer.-anonymous
might be a right wing republican if I had to choose between that and being
sodomized with a red-hot poker!-anonymous
...you really believe that "a rising tide lifts all boats" applies to the
distribution of wealth.-anonymous
...you care about "life" for blastulas and fetuses, but you sure want
convicted criminals dead!-anonymous
-- you think that the New York Times is a liberal left newspaper.
-- you think that GDubya has the goods on Saddam Hussein but doesn't want to tell us what they are for fear it will jeopardize national security.
-- you think that America is still the "land of the free" and the "home of the brave" but haven't woken up to smell the USA Patriot Act.
-- you think we have free press because our brothers Colin Powell and Alexander Haig Jr. are protecting our interests on the Board of Time Warner while Michael Powell (son of . . . . ) Heads the FCC.
-- you think the School of the Americas is where we train our diplomats for the foreign service.
-- you think beer barrel buddy GDubya and friends might be sending the pork barrel your way.
-- you think that John Ashcroft is a "compassionate conservative" who is protecting your suffrage and civil liberties.
-- you think that it's okay to start a war because Saddam tried to kill GDubya's "daddy."
-- you think it's all right to incarcerate ordinary Americans as "enemy combatants" if they organize labor union workers who then walk out on strike at a major US corporation.
-- you think that it is necessary to wage war with "axis of evil" Iraq, a nation that has declared it has no weapons of mass destruction, but, on the other hand, insist on negotiation and diplomacy with "axis of evil" North Korea because they have openly declared they have weapons of mass destruction and WILL use them, if necessary.
-- you think GDubya won the election fair and square.
-- you think GDubya is pro-life and that only a liberal Democrat would pay for a girlfriend to get an abortion while abortion was illegal under the Constitution.
-- you believe only what the national press coverage tells you to believe.
-- you believe that we NOW have a "kinder, gentler nation" because compassionate "wouldn't hurt a fly" GDubya is at the helm.
-- you believe the Twin Towers came down all by themselves when the jet fuel exploded, causing concrete to pulverize immediately into tiny particles of dust even though the tremor measured by the collapse on the Richter scale at Columbia University three miles away was less than 2.8, a relatively mild earthquake that the Trade Centers should have been able to withstand.
-- you believe that Senator Trent Lott is more racist than Attorney General John Ashcroft.
-- you believe that Condeleeza Rice got to be National Security Advisor as well as all other breaks on her own merits and NOT based on affirmative action.
-- you think that Dan Quayle and GDubya have a good command of the English language.
-- you deny that the empty warheads belonged to Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld.
-- you think the "three strikes" law ought to apply so we can lock up common felons but NOT to convicted criminals the Whitehouse wants to hire or has hired in recent years.
...you think David Souter had nothing to do with the NH/ME border dispute.
...if you think Meldrim Thomson helped NH fishermen in the marine lateral
fishing boundary fight.
...you think the state of Maine revenue service is legally taxing NH workers at PORTSMOUTH Naval Shipyard in PORTSMOUTH ,NEW HAMPSHIRE 03801
...you think the "PORTSMOUTH" Naval Shipyard is in Kittery Maine, not in
"PORTSMOUTH NEW HAMPSHIRE
bought your ak-47 from jesus, he threw in the 50 round clip for
...you think president clinton's pecker is the "root" of all evil.
...if you have a borderline psychotic obsession with the fact that Bill Clinton
was elected President. Twice. Fair and Square. Don't you tell me to "just get
...if you have a good friend anoint your head with Wesson oil every time you swear an oath of office.
...if you chew and spit tobacco while in the classroom. At Harvard!
...if you think a corporation should have the same legal rights as an individual
...if you believe God's law should always trump secular law, yet have never had a single thought about "blue laws".
...if you believe Hillary arranged the "hit" on Buddy. (Did you know, she was out of the country on vacation at the time? Isn't that just a little TOO convenient!?)
...if your fertility treatments result in a litter of preemies and you declare it was God's Will that you should be a parent.
...if you know that Tom Delay's primary mission is to make all Americans better (i.e. Fundamental) Christians and it doesn't disturb you at all.
...if you have ever found yourself getting turned on by Ann Coulter's adam's apple.
...if you can't make up your mind between home-schooling and vouchers.
...if your daddy was a Dixiecrat and your mother was a lemon jello mold.
...if you think a red necktie is effective camouflage for a red neck.
......if your recent tax breaks have blessed you with the opportunity to make a
meaningful and patriotic contribution to the trickle-down effect by hiring a
...you think religious freedom means Christian domination. -anonymous
...When asked to name the first three green things that come to your mind, you
say - money, the Grinch and beer on St. Patrick's day. -anonymous
...if you think the coming war on Iraq is about anything other than oil. -anonymous
...you're too drunk to fish, and too dumb to hunt. -anonymous
...you think Ronald Reagan really did fight in World War II (The War, not The
...you claim to want dignity in the Whitehouse and then pick your nose in
public at a baseball game -anonymous
......if your recent tax breaks have blessed you with the opportunity to make a meaningful and patriotic contribution to the trickle-down effect by hiring a maid. Nancy O'Hara
...you favor fighting a war to "preserve freedom", but think that the first,
fourth, fifth and seventh amendments "go too far". -anonymous
...you honestly believe that Bush is pursuing war to bring "democracy" to the
"people" of Iraq. -anonymous
...you say "the economy has to recycle itself--it was time for a recession". -anonymous
...you can't explain why you like George Bush. -anonymous
...you think Saddam and Kim Jong Il control more weapons of mass destruction
than George W. Bush. -anonymous
...You think Joe Lieberman is a Democrat. -anonymous
...You are in favor of cutting taxes on investments, even though the only
investments you ever made were in lottery tickets, because, someday, one of them suckers will pay off and then you'll be rich too! Yee-HAW! -anonymous
...you oppose affirmative action, even though you were admitted to a
prestigious college only because you come from a rich and powerful family. -anonymous
...you faxed divorce papers to your wife from your hotel room in Aruba.-anonymous
...you tried to copyright the term: Weapons of Mass Destruction. -anonymous
...you will swallow anything if it is wrapped in an American flag & ends
with the term: "Weapons of Mass Destruction". -anonymous
...you think Rummie has a good bone in his body. -anonymous
...you think John Ashcroft is a moderate. -anonymous
...you went AWOL for over a year and got to be the Resident. -anonymous
...you believe everything is going well. -anonymous
...if you believe punishing schools by reducing their funding will make them
...if you own your own home, have at least two late model cars, have health insurance, take a vacation with your family every year, eat out more than once a week, have cable or satellite TV, have more than one telephone line, produce more than one full sized trash bag of garbage each week, have no doubts that your children will go to college, have good credit, are a member of a health club, regularly attend paid sporting or entertainment events, voluntarily belong to any organization to which you regularly give money - and you believe that your tax burden is preventing you from realizing the “American Dream”.
...if you believe people choose to be poor or uneducated.
...if you believe that on issues of quality and safety that corporations, which answer to no one, are inherently better at determining what is best for us than is government, which must ultimately answer to the people.
...if you constantly complain about your own job security, pay, working
conditions, the fairness of promotions, long hours and the ability to have
grievances addressed, but think that unions are evil.
...if you make less than $40,000/year and think the only thing standing between you and wealth, is less government regulation, lower taxes and the end of affirmative action.
...if you support policies which favor the very rich, even though you can barely make ends meet, because you are sure that one day you are going to hit the jackpot and be one of them.
...if you believe in the scientific viability of “Star Wars” and
missile defense technology, but not in evolution.
...if you believe immigrants from Latin America and Southeast Asia are taking away jobs from “Americans”, but that corporations really need additional special work visas to fill high tech jobs with low paid Chinese and Indian engineers.
...if you believe that competition is the backbone of the economy and that it always leads to the best products at the best prices, yet still you support the monopolistic practices of large corporations which stifle competition.
...You swear to protect the US of A and all our freedoms & you by God won't let
the "Niceties of Civil Liberties" get in the way of doin' it -anonymous
...You think Nixon wasn't a crook, despite the pardons. -anonymous
...You think it's ok to restrict individual freedoms in order to protect
...you honestly think that Dubya's mother-in-law losing $8,000.00 on Enron
stock somehow makes up for the many, many Enron investors and employees who lost their shirts due to 'Kenny Boy' and his execs hiding mountains of corporate debt to make Enron look profitable long enough to line their pockets, while telling investors and employees that Enron was in good shape.
...your idea of communing with nature is a cook-out in a strip-mine.
..you think that antiwar activists are automatically terrorist sympathizers...eh
blow me bush.
..you are glad to see things back to normal...a bush is president and war
with iraq is eminent.
...you use lethal injection on a rapist but don't
let the raped woman have an abortion.
...you think all those starving kids in Somalia should quit begging and get a
...you'd rather screw the country than an intern. -anonymous
...you saw the bumper sticker saying "Free Leonard Peltier," and you got own that said "F**k Leonard Peltier." -anonymous
...your name is ken starr & you still have secret desires to touch president
clinton's pen*s - cephil
...you're still mad because 'rummy' rumsfeld & dubya wont let you play with their g.i. joe action figures - cephil
...you're on medicare, need prescription drug help & still voted for the
village idiot (dumbya) - cephil
...you laughed at Pigboy Limbaugh and SNL for making fun of 13-year-old
Chelsea Clinton, but seem to think that the Bush girls ought to be "left alone" despite criminal activity--Andrea
...you believe sean hannity was not conceived through anal sex -anonymous
...you think ''colin powell'' is a bulk fiber laxative - cephil
...you can't keep house pets because your pal TED NUGENT killed & ate the last ones - cephil
...you "win" an election
you think the best way to prevent forest fires is cut down all the
stinkin' trees! -- pierresc
...your idea of compassion is taking off your steel-toed boots before kicking a homeless person.-anonymous
...if you think that our founding fathers gave us the right to have guns to
kill each other. Robert
you speak on behalf of God and decide who He likes and doesn't.
...If you got your head up your a-- and are still able to lick corporate balls.-anonymous
...you think that the right way to fix our schools is to post the Ten
...You were horrified that Hilary Clinton didn't bake cookies, but think it's
okay that Laura Bush's vehicular manslaughter of her ex-boyfriend was never investigated. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...you believe that world peace can be achieved by bombing other countries.
...you want to spread American style democracy by OPPOSING the democratic election of Hugo Chavez and SUPPORTING the military coup against him.
...your wife sticks to the basics: raising her God-fearing, all-American clan.
yellin' at the TV during a news report on welfare moms while printing
out yer pro-life flyers for the upcoming protest. email@example.com
...you swiftly drop all high school extracurricular activities to prevent them
homo-sexuals from congregatin' on that there school property.
...your motto is " KILL -N- DRILL ".-anonymous
...you went to jimmy swaggerts house & watched gay porn movies with your good buddies jerry fallwell & pat robertson, but it's ok because jesus only forgives republicans.-anonymous
...you think colin powell played chicken george in the movie roots.-anonymous
...you have DNA evidence that rush limbaugh is not cloned from fecal matter.-anonymous
...you left your Clan robe at the family planning clinic bombing. -anonymous
...... you think that being elected governor/president is the cure to your childhood trauma. -anonymous
...You honestly believe the poor are "lucky duckies" -Cat in Seattle
...your salary's over $100,000 or your IQ is under 80 -- or both.-anonymous
...you don't realize that Adolf is alive & well in the white house.-anonymous
...you're going to burn in hell for hypocrisy & self-righteousness -anonymous
...you believe there is such a thing as a "lone gunman". -anonymous
...you think the CIA and FBI are "incompetent bunglers". -anonymous
...you never connect the dots -- or if you drew the original picture.
...you think 9-11 was carried out without Bush's help. -anonymous
...you think that Cokemon Bush is on the wagon. -anonymous
...you think Wellstone was killed accidentally. -anonymous
...you crucify Jesus every day with your words and acts. -anonymous
...you consider the new testament a mandate for world domination. -anonymous
...you steal from the poor and give to the rich -anonymous
...while watching reruns of All In The Family, you wonder why the audience
laughs when Archie Bunker says something that "makes sense".
...you think jeb would have been much better in the movie slingblade than
george was. -anonymous
...you go to church to pray for peace on earth and goodwill toward men, while
supporting the horrors of war against Iraq, and discrimination against gays.
...you don't realize that Only Pussies Support Bush! -anonymous
...Jesus was the guest speaker at the last friends of the NRA dinner banquet. -anonymous
...you think Viagra is a better drug than marijuana. -anonymous
...you think that oral sex rises to the level of an "impeachable offense," but
stealing an election doesn't
-you believe you have the God-given right to hunt deer with an AK-47...
-you thought "Boyz in the Hood" was a bio pic about the Klan.
-you thought Trent Lott's BET interview was "sincere."
-you're convinced that the voice of God is Charlton Heston.
-you'd let Ted Nugent date your daughter before Denzel Washington.
-you think the Enron debacle was "a good frat prank."
-you list Skull and Bones fraternity brothers as a reference on your resume...
-homosexuality bothers you, but professional wrestling doesn't.
...you believe in the right to bear arms but never bothered to do a stint of military service.-anonymous
...you opposed a commie "Regime Change" in South Vietnam but support an American "Regime Change" in Iraq. -anonymous
...you think every human that worships Jesus is righteous and just, but every person of the Islamic faith is a stupid *raghead* extremist out to commit an act of terrorism against the U.S. --anonymous
......you think people in other countries are moved to commit suicide attacking us because they're "jealous", and not
because we've been bombing their countries and imposing murderous economic sanctions on them. --anonymous
...you think feeding and educating disadvantaged children is a Communist plot, but waging war so your Big Oil cronies can make billions is patriotic and just. --anonymous
...you believe that there is no prayer in public schools (I'm a teacher, I pray to myself whenever I want at school).-anonymous
...you believe that declaring war on Iraq is patriotic.
...you think that rainforest destruction doesn't effect you here in the United States.
...that recycling programs are not cost effective.
...if you can't see past today (in other words, you are short-sighted in decision-making).
...you believe that the coal, oil, and nuclear industries will police themselves
if the Clean Air and Clean Water Acts are weakened.
...you don't know the difference in global warming and the destruction of the ozone layer (No, they are not the same thing).
...you believe that since Sept. 11, 2001, you must support the President no matter what.
...you think ALL Christians vote Republican.-anonymous
...you believe driving an SUV is good for the economy.-anonymous
...you don't understand the importance of conservation of natural resources.-anonymous
...you believe global warming is something that you can adapt to. -anonymous
...you support integration until your white daughter wants to date a black man. -anonymous
.... your heart bleeds oil. Kahlil at http://reachm.crimsonblog.com/
...you think Government (regulation) is bad and Corporate greed is good.
(unless it is time to bail out the corporate misfits, ie. Savings & loans,
Airline Industry, Energy industry, Auto Makers etc etc.) firstname.lastname@example.org
...you think the Texas Air National Guard was dangerous duty during the Vietnam War. -anonymous
...you think Bu$h has any brains in that pretzel head of his. -anonymous
... your face is pink and your neck is red. -anonymous
...you do not believe Bu$h is a complete ignorant a--hole. -anonymous
you've never wondered who is taking those polls that give dubya a "high
approval rating". -anonymous
...you wake up in the morning whistlin' Dixie. -anonymous
you got your finger on a nuke button, and a battery teetering on your
... you think Colin Powell is "black." -anonymous
your high-level freemason rituals causes you to set up internet kiddie
porn stings, for fear of incriminating evidence getting in the right hands.
[Do you know something we don't? Editorial comment] -anonymous
... you were touched by Ashcroft's rendition of Let The Eagle's Soar.-anonymous
...you think Bill Clinton's wiener is more important than world peace & the
you don't sit on your Ashcroft, and take a hot stinkin Bush, then wipe
your Limbaugh. -anonymous
....if you your waist measurement approximates your I.Q. -anonymous
...you think Jeb cares about children. -anonymous
...after voting against all civil rights legislation, you wonder why minorities don't vote republican. (email@example.com)
...you think NewsMax reports the news fairly and accurately. -anonymous
...you believe anything George Bush says, but think Clinton was a liar. -anonymous
...you understand why Timothy McVeigh hates the U. S. Government - but not why the Saudi's do. -anonymous
...you recognize the failure of inner city schools - but think affirmative
action in college admissions is unjust. -anonymous
...you think putting potheads in prison and giving Ollie North a radio show is
...you believe that people in other countries hate freedom. -anonymous
...you think we are winning the war on terror. -anonymous
...you believe brown skin or immigration status are probable cause. -anonymous
...you believe that the best way to save social security is to take money out
of the trust fund and put it in the stock market. -anonymous
...you believe John Ashcroft respects the Bill of Rights and enforces the law. -anonymous
...you think that taxing the poor so as to relieve the tax burden of the rich
would be more fair. -anonymous
...you think Iraq is the greatest security threat we face. -anonymous
...you think it would have been unconstitutional to count the votes in Florida in 2000. -anonymous
...you believe national security is enhanced by violating due process. -anonymous
...you believe any of Trent Lott's hollow apologies. -anonymous
...you voted for the grandson of a Nazi sympathizer, who belongs to a family of known criminals.-anonymous
...you believe the media is liberal. -anonymous
...you pronounce it "nucular" 20-something times during a national television address. -anonymous
...you believe in God and lower taxes. -anonymous
...you think school shootings are the result of dangerous minorities. -anonymous
you think republicans actually give a sh_t about you!!!!!!!!!!
...you think blacks have the same "voice" as whites do! firstname.lastname@example.org
you think having a gun is more important than the lives of hundreds of
...You really believe the Congressional Black Caucus is really in favor of a
Miss White America Contest. -anonymous
...you think it's okay to have concealed weapons on school grounds. -anonymous
...you think "dick head" is a compliment. -anonymous
... you don't believe that life under Reagan sucked compared to Clinton, after all under who else did you get so super rich that even the tech dive didn't change your lifestyle.
...you are deep down jealous of Bill Clinton's sex life!
...you actually think that Reaganomics was better than Clintonomics!
...you actually perceive that life under GW Bush is better than under Clinton!
...if you actually think George W Bush is doing a good enough job of holding the Country and it's future Down!
...if you believe "compassionate conservative" really IS what Dubya is all about.
... you blame Clinton for your own sad pathetic sexual hang ups -anonymous
... YOU LIKE TRENT LOTT'S HAIR HELMET. -anonymous
...you use the words "so human" to describe george w.'s mangling of the english language. -anonymous
...you stand to become a multi-billionaire off the spoils of war! --anonymous
...your brother Trent keeps stealing your hair spray.
...your illegal Honduran housemaid is paid in monopoly money.
...you think Katherine Harris is a babe.
...you think the "Dick "in Dick Cheney isn't an anatomical reference.
...you think FOX news broadcasts actual news.
...your picture is found in the dictionary alongside the word moron.
...your neighbor Trent invites you over for a wooden cross building party
and weenie roast and you bring your own hammer, nails and sheets.
...you awaken one morning horrified to find yourself transformed into a human.
...you have been selected as the poster boy for Hemorrhoid Awareness week.
...the person sitting next to you on the plane asks to be reseated in the overhead baggage compartment.
...you're angry that the cleaners lost your swastika arm band.
By Bill Ham
think a two cell organism is a human being and is alive but are willing
to send a living breathing soul to meet its maker.
...you think the poor people need to pay more taxes so you can give bigger tax
breaks to your campaign contributors.
...if you think George Bush has the right to take away from the majority of
citizens (working class) & give to his corporate allies while neglecting our
fundamental rights & trampling our constitution!
.you can't enjoy a meal unless you know someone is going hungry.
...You think Bill O'Reilly is a real journalist
think its fair for the poor to give up their oil subsidies so the rich
can get a tax break. email@example.com
...you honestly think that Bush is great even if his policies cost you your job, your home, your savings and the life of your child in war, but at least he didn't get a b---j--. firstname.lastname@example.org
were convicted of multiple felonies under one Republican presidency, and hired
by the next!
...you think that Rush Limbaugh really is a truth detector with talent on loan
...you freaked out about Waco and Ruby Ridge but think that everything the Bush
administration is doing is totally justified.
...you think that the minimum wage is too high. - email@example.com
...you think Barry Goldwater was too liberal. - firstname.lastname@example.org
...you believe that felons have a right to own firearms, but not to vote.
...you think FOX News is really "Fair and Balanced."
email@example.com Craig Lane
...your pickup truck has a shotgun rack and a bumper sticker from the local Christian school.
...you firmly believe Ann Coulter has looks
AND intelligence to boot.
...you can link Clinton to every conceivable situation that developed worldwide from 1992-2000. firstname.lastname@example.org
...you endorse a man with a borderline below-average collegiate career as the appointed leader of almost 290 million citizens. email@example.com
...rules are bent to satisfy the needs of
your over privileged children.
...the definition of
actually thinking for yourself.
...you think Ronald Reagan was the president -anonymous
...you believe the mentally retarded are treated equally in elected -anonymous
..you love Jesus but hate everyone else -anonymous
...if you think Rush Limbaugh is an expert on Viet Nam -anonymous
...if you think George W. Bush is an honorable war hero -anonymous
...if you would spend $40,000,000.00 to see if Clinton had sex but nothing for unemployed workers-anonymous
...you secretly suspect that J.C.
Watts is the guy that stole your hubcaps at last year's RNC fundraiser.
... if you make your children listen to talk
radio during target practice.
... if you think Lee Greenwood and Wayne Newton have talent.
... if the artwork on your walls makes you hungry for bar b que and chili
...if NASCAR drivers are too diverse for you.
.. if your wife is doing the wrong line dance at your company Christmas party.
... if the only enjoyable children in your family are the fat, precocious ones.
The rest being skinny and heavily fogged with drugs and alcohol.
...if the 'Merican flag on your foreign made, gas guzzling SUV is frayed and
... if you don't turn out the lights when you leave a room.
...if you vote for idiots.
...if you don't vote.
...if your guests are afraid to eat your chili.
... "if your dentist is more afraid of you than you are of him." (I blatantly
stole this from Jeff Foxworthy but it clearly applies to republicans.)
...if you don't have a library card.
...if you go to Branson, MO to see Box Car Willie's show every year.
...if you tell me where all the lobster holes are out there while you are
frying fish on the beach.
...if you fail to see the value in Harry
Potter inspiring children all over
the world standing in line to read big, thick books cover to cover, no matter
what the content.
... if your wife is the answer to the age old question, "How cold is it?"
...if you think Reagan ended the cold war.
...if you think you can take Asia before Australia in a game of Risk.
...if you vote for a candidate who denigrates his opponents Vietnam Prisoner of War status.
...if you vote for a candidate who denigrates his opponent, who lost 3 limbs in the Vietnam war, patriotism.
...when someone asks you your name you must pull your head out of your a-- and
read it off your belt.
...you use Jesus and guns in the same sentence. -Me, Lisa Casey
Sting the right wing! Send us your own You might be a right wing republican if...include email or name if you desire in each entry you send
a list of the winners. The contest ended 2-2-03. We will still
post your entry.