Now, without moving my hands, watch the surplus disappear! Viola!
Today, we have instructed the FDA to approve the use of silicone breast implants.
Every time somebody mentions Bill Clinton, I get this bloated feeling in my stomach and chest area....
I'm giving a presidential pardon to "Rush"
When I stole the election in 2000, I didn't know that I'd actually have to answer questions about complex policy issues. They said I'd have the peons doing all the tuff stuff.
"How was I supposed to know Condi would take me seriously when I told her to send somebody over to break Rummy's arm? When was the last time anyone took me seriously?"
And then he said: "I'm so tough just watch this. And he took the
hammer and crushes his arm. That's why he's Secretary of Defense. Gen. Powell wouldn't even eat a bug. No balls there.
i aint never had sexshual 'lations in da back of a chevy pickup
My pie is this much higher now.
-Swami Damnam Bandanaman
And then this slimy thang jumped outta his chest. I liked that!
Remember when my Daddy threw up on the Japanese Ambassador.
I don't need no stinking Constitution!
I wish I was smart! Like my daddy!
I'm going to replace Hoover as the worst president in history.
I only found out that Condi Rice will be running the Iraq Stabilization
Group when Don here told me about it. Boy, was that a surprise!
I used to have a heart. That's how Rummy broke his hand; ripping out
our hearts.
Do u really think i'm actually capable of being intelligent? nah...
Donny, put the other hand on my thigh and I'll break that one, too!
See what I learned to do in Asia.
I promise never again to bite the Rumsfeld hand that feeds me.
If the FDA re-authorizes the implants, mine will come out to here.
Without his mouthpiece, Ari, King Doofus has been at a loss for words.
Less talk, more bombing! I haven't declared war for months!
The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. down came the rain and
washed the spider out. and they said I was uncoordinated and couldn't
talk straight
Why is Lucifer staring at me?
Write bad things about me and I'll have your hand broken too!
WHAT...ME TELL A LIE?????I AM AS HONEST AS MY NOSE IS LONG
Well see, Uncas Dick and Rummy didn't say I couldn't rat out a CIA operative.
I'M IN CONTROL OF THIS OIL WAR!!! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
When I read the report, I'll let you what I know. Until then .........
Leak? No I went before I came in here.
I do like to read! Cause I believe in the old adag.., ah.. saying, ya
know, "reading is fun and mental!"
He shouldn't have put his hand in the door, it's that simple.
...and that's when I realized I was trying to kiss a lamp-post.
Well, I know I had another excuse....somewhere.....
My fellow artichokes.I George Bush, officially pronounce my self to be
an idiot and a war criminal.
.. and.. and.. then, unca Rummy grabbed my bottom and said "if you talk
to the media about leaks without an approved script again, that won't
be the only leak we will have to worry about!"
she is just a little lump....
I did not have sex with those Weapons of Mass Destruction!
Anita Beer and Zelda Morgan whooped our asses. They broke Rummy's thumb
and three of my ribs.
I have read many books on goats, and Rummy is no goat.
If you're saying that the Garden of Eden was in Iraq, how did they come
up with names like Adam and Eve?
Yes I broke his arm...He should have told me how to pronounce quiche
before I ordered.
JB
How was I to know that Donald would break his thumb if I sat down while
he was examining my prostrate.
"Look, I'm just the guy who signs the paperwork these guys put in front
of me. Who told you I was in charge?"
It is my promise that the oil obtained from this troublesome time will
more than pay for the priceless lives of the hundreds lost....
uh oh
How should I know how Rummy broke his arm...He works for Condi now.
You people think I'm a big asshole, check out the dickhead next to me!
What Would Jesus Do? Kick some f@ck!$g Iraqi ass!!!
I'm tired of everyone lookin' at Laura's boobs. I'm gonna get me some
of them man boobs.
Rush Limbaugh took ALL the oxycontin???
You want me to find the leak ???
"It's about right here where Rummy poked me, so I broke his hand..."
I'm a-tellin' you-all fer the last time,
the T-ball games on the White house lawn are for kids only....Look what
happened to Uncle Donny when he tried to join in.....
i was born a coal miners daughter. what's your excuse?
i didn't do it
"I'm bossin' good, but these here guys are sure strategerin'bad..."
What pig's ear? Its a silk purse if I say it is!
Don't you think I would look good with implants?
And if Rummy was here I'd tell him!!!!!
What he's right behind me? Ooooops!!!
I am here to ask for your forgiveness. Donnie has sinned.
An then Arnold groped me here...I really liked it.
And then my dad puked all over that Japanese guy!
Just call me "Sh*t for Brains"
I have to be able to read and write?
Don't ask me. I'm just the boy in charge.
I want one of those bleeding heart in a wreath of thorns thingies.
I'd like to welcome you all to AWOL Anonymous. Please note it's a
"yellow tie" occasion.
So, I says, you no lissen'a me, I break'a
you arm....next time I break'a you head.
Who, me?
It is far easier to make war than to make peace.
What's that John...?
You found out the CIA leaker was ME...?
Don vote for me....
Could someone tell Colin Powell that we're out of hand towels in the
men's room, again.
And they all lived together in a little crooked house.
If I can't be king of the world, I'll just blow it up...
Blahblahblah!
Liberals don't know how to help the economy of the World or America.
We're not married; we are just dating.
See this gold tie, boy? That's status, boy. You can knock me, but you
can't knock status.
"I , George Bush, am an idiot. I have been clear headed and haven't
done anything idiotic for three minutes." "I'm glad to be here at Idiots
Anonymous."
Then Arnold came up behind Laura and grabbed her boobs, just like this.
We all had a good laugh.
This is where my heart would be if I had one.
People have got to know whether or not their President is a crook.
Well, I'm not a crook. I've earned everything I've got.
Don, do you know where your thumb is?? I can't seem to find mine....
No, Donald the FDA will not again approve silicon implants after what I
went through.
For me, pretzels are weapons of mass destruction.
Who me? A puppet? A liar? A hypocrite? I just play golf! The guy behind
me does all that other stuff!
"Arnold" says that she has 'em out to here, and he should know.
John Vesper
Tulsa, Okla.
My pie is already this higher.
I've always had a blank stare. What do ya thinks behind my eyes?
Wrong position of hands to pray for that 87 billion dollars, George.
Yes, I am the leaker!
I am a magician, I can make 87 billion dollars disappear (into my
friends pockets).
Oh man, I am so stoned I just forgot what I was going to say.
I don't need no misunderestimation
DUHRRRRRRR
Look, killing is our business... and business is good!
But Unca Karl told me I was in charge of I-raq, not Unca Donald and
Aunt Condi!
It wasn't my fault--it was that scoundrel, Bill Clinton!
I'm a simple man, I don't waste my time with thoughts, you know
thinking, I don't really need to, you know being President and all.
Canadian Prescriptions?
Over my dead lifeless hands!
I wrote to Bartcop.com three times and I still dont have my sticker.
I'm thinking 'bout getting 34D boobies so I can have the pleasure of
getting groped by Governor Ahnold
who me* I never told anyone about Plame except the devil.
Where's the beef?
I am a jeckass
Many people ask who thought of our Iraqi policy. I can say that I am
that idiot
..and that's when Jesus spoke to me...
I'm with stupid.
Shhhh! Daddy can HEAR you!
I personally had nothing to do with Iraq...It was all Donald's fault.
I don't know. They haven't told me yet.
I don't need to know anything. It's my job to rake in bucks and get
re-elected. Everybody on my staff knows I'm a knucklehead and they're
smart people. If it don't bother them then it shouldn't bother the
ignorant 'merican peeple!
Me hands is wet! There no towels in the pee pee room to dwy
them.
This war is based on WMD. Watch Me Deceive.
What! Me worry?
You see this tie? Uncle Dick got it for me with his Halliburton
proceeds, guess what is inscribed on the back.
Can I talk to that Fox correspondent with the really big hooters??
Listen, that Mike Keeton is going to cause us trouble.
I love freedom, and Oxy-Contins
Why are you asking me ? How the hell should I know ?
...and that's when I noticed her hooters. They were about this big...
The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.
I can't change the direction that we're taking because Rummy might
punch me again.
I never said we should go to war in Iraq.
Me? Not ME? I am the idiot, it's the guy next to me.
Yes, the yellow tie IS the sign of the chickenhawk. How'd you guess
that?
"I support a woman's right to choose to put leak-prone sacks of
dangerous chemicals into her chest cavity. I don't support a woman's right to
choose abortion. No, I don't think that's hypocritical at all!" Eric
Maietta
Condi only used a wooden ruler but it had an embedded metal straight
edge. I told her to hit Don once, but she hit him twelve times.
"I can't answer that question without getting another swipe from Rummy
here.."
All this medication is making me dizzy
Uncle Don sez if I stay in line he's going to smack me with his good
hand.
I'm the guy in charge. God told me so!
How does this "clapping" thing work again?
Her breasts stuck out to here.
W: Well Connie has these huge..huge..huge...tracts of land!
Rummy: Maybe if I just crack him with my cast I can take over.......
Well .... yeah .... that's true ...... but what has he done for me
lately?
gelisgesti
I DID NOT FART WMD'S
I did not have sex with that women.
God speaks to me in cartoon bubbles.
That was some good blow!
I just made a dookie
"Are these the hands of an adle-minded, lying, amoral nitwit? Uh, I
don't think so!" Eric Maietta
"Instead of answering that question, I'll wave my hands around in front
of my chest." Eric Maietta
What are you asking me for?! I'm too busy being the president.
"Could someone help me? I can't remember how to move my hands!" Eric
Maietta
"Yes, I can count to ten. See? I have all eleven fingers to use!"
Eric Maietta
"That Margaret Thatcher has a nice rack on her!" Eric Maietta
"I can't answer that question without getting another swipe from Rummy
here.."
It wasn't my idea. It never is.
"...and so I told Rummy that if he didn't stop pissing off our allies
with his stupid comments, I'd break his other wrist."
It's people with tits that cause a lot of these problems.
Would I lie?! Arnie swears they were more than a handful!
...so from now on, I will be doing the stroking for Rummy.
Condi has more here, and that matters to me.
I'm just an idiot fraud liar ....
I have first dibs at necktie colors. Rummy knows that and tried to
challenge me. That's why his hand is in a cast. Next time, he'll check
with Laura first.
Nice Ass!
Her yams were, like, THIS BIG!!
"I intend to smoke out the party responsible for the leaks 'round here
and then 'Rummy' is gon' to award their reprehensible behaviour with a
few slaps from his cast. It's the cowboy way."
Then the Governor-elect showed a new groping technique. What a guy!
..and all the *other* kids were starting wars...
O.J. is on the Burning Tree Golf Course right now searching for the
"real" leaker.
Roy Adams
Tyler, TX
I started a joke that started the whole world laughing
You mean when God told me to attack Iraq I should have asked HIM where
the WMDs were?
Who is this George you speak of?
If I did not lie about WMD how do you expected me to pay for my
Presidential Campaign?
If we don't get more of your precious money, the terrorists will have
truly won. Did I say cash, no Paypal!
I am one stupid person
"I'm president. My tie should be britter yellow!"
If you don't knock it off, I'll have Rummy chop you with his cast.
and if we can't get John Montez to shut up we're going to have to..
"And next thing I knew... Arnold had his hands around me like this...."
It kept me up all night...it ate the lining of my esophagus...
did i really say that?
What, I'm in charge??????
"Well, at least Rush didn't inhale. . .and will someone please ask this
guy sitting next to me to quit staring at me like I'm an idiot?"
What, me worry?
or
And then God told me to....
or
(cough) pretzel!!!
Now that your hands in the cast... I find it difficult to communicate
without your hand up my a*s.
T.E.
Wasilla, Alaska
Condi messed Don's hand up pretty bad. I think they were fighting
about Iraq. We're still there, right? Or is it Iran.....
Honest, Donnie ran into a door, I repeat, he and Condi were NOT arm
wrestling.
So what if there ain't no WMD's, I gotta get elected at least once...
Some times it feels like my chest is going to explode when I have to
think about lots of stuff
and your little dog toto too
my tit*ies are this big
Can I help it Rummy broke his hand trying to make my mouth move?
Then she pushed 'em together like this and I really went to town!
My personal sacrifice during the war in Iraq was not eating any sweets.
We're going to sue! Donald's hand wasn't even this close to Condoleeza!
Condoleezza told me she had no idea what happened to Rummie's arm.
If I had titties out to here, Schwarzenegger would wanna grope me, too!
We're tired of the yellow ties. Please Karl...can we wear the red ones
tomorrow?
Yep I don't read ...don't have to... uh I'm not going to any elementary
schools today am I Rummy
I'm telling the truth. No Bushit!
I thought I was in charge!
You see..they were suppose to have the weapons and I was suppose to be
the hero and take them away. Apparently Saddam Hussein didn't read
the script on this one.
Well foo, Rummy is just gonna have to do it right handed now.
I'm a f*ckin idiot!
My view on the issue of Aliens???....remember the part where the thing
busts out of the guy's chest??? WOW!!!!
i am stupid
I swear to God, I've never seen this crazy old geezer in my life!
and thats when i realized i was trying to kiss a lamp-post.
Rummy broke it giving me the Heimlich maneuver when I choked on a
pretzel.
-Swami Damnam Bandanaman
I haven't seen a pair like that in years. Schwarzenegger would just
grab them. But don't do it when she is holding a hammer, fool.
It's not accurate to say that he broke it while trying to pull his head
out of his ass.
-Swami Damnam Bandanaman
who me? - I plead total ignorance!
Does Arnold the Terminator dare to ask me for federal aid for
California? I plan to buy the state with all the money I will be collecting for
this war on Terrorism and move all my Texan friends and relatives in
strategic locations. Don't mess with Texas!
Geo
I swear, Kenny Boy and I are only good friends. Just good friends.
I snorted, but I didn't inhale.
blah blah blah terists
blah blah blah
homeland sekurity
blah blah blah terists
blah blah balh
Unka Rummzy's got a nuke in that cast for anyone who says I'm an
illigitimate squatter who started an illigitimate war just to keep us all
outta jail.
Honest, I didn't mean to bite Rummy!
If I were to tell you the truth, you might not vote for me.
Whadda hell do I know about it? My Dad made me take this job.
ME ME ME. ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!!!
Hey I don't worry about the polls. It didn't matter at the last
election!
Two jews, an Arab and a politician walk into a bar….
laura's boobs are this big!!!!!!!!!
"I just now learned of this, I was asleep.
We will find WMD or my name isn't, ah...let's see here, ah....hold on
I'll get it in a minute!!!!!
Iraq'..SCHMIraq, Clinton' got a bl*w job
"Senator, I promise that Rummy and Condi really do work well
together; Rummy broke his arm skateboarding!"
So what if my poll numbers are dropping, God tells me Cuba has Weapons
of Mass Destruction.
How the hell did i get in this position? Daddy Help Me
Rummie got all mad and called me a "Goober". So I smashed his left hand
with my hammer.
...and I asked, "Arnold, how big were they?"
...And then Arnold groped my breasts like this...
I'm doing what Uncle Dick told me to do, tell them Uncle John.
See, Rummy.....I can touch my fingers without looking at them and not
break my thumb!
Hope I get Rummy's words right!!
Frankey goes to Hollywood
It's my planet, I can kill who I want!
Just because I live in caves does not mean I am a primitive misogynistic power-hungry Neanderthal-believe me!!! Gimmie more power and I'll show you!!!
I DO NOT read to "W" while he is sitting on my lap! The drool from his lollipop stains my trousers!
About that, I misspoke...
I misspoke about that....
Again, I misspoke...
give me blood!
I CANT FEEL MY LEFT ARM!!!
Of course it was the oil
I wish George would let me come out and play!
Why worry about $87 Billion..it's only a drop in the $ Trillion heist
we have planned.
one little, two little, three little dollars... ONLY 87 billions
dollars for me!
I'm telling you, he groped me, just like this!!!
All together now. Here's the church ........ here's the steeple ......
Open doors and gun down all the people!
Did you see that?! Rummy just sucker-punched me again! And all I
asked was "Can I borrow that US Navy Command uniform again for a little
slap and tickle with Laura, this weekend".
Pretty soon you won't have me or this Rummy guy to kick around
anymore...and we're not crooks.......we are just hypocritically and dishonestly advantaged !
No, Toady Blair was hanging around my Ass and Rummy got him with an
uppercut !
The Terminator was getting on my nerves, so Rummy got him in the abs !
Alan from England
No, the pretzel had me by the throat, and Rummy got it with a Karate
chop !
Alan from England
No, he's with me, he broke it smashing one of them killer pretzels !
Alan from England....
And then suddenly, Mr Schwarzenegger grabbed my breasts.
It's amazing what modern medicine can do. Why, this lump of coal they
replaced my heart with makes me feel better than ever!
with rings on his fingers and bells on his toes, Rummy gets to watch as
he picks his nose
I swear he had tits this big!
"...so in conclusitory, I think if we drop bags of pretzels over Syrian
territorial areas..."
I don't see what the problem is! I mean...ya know...it seemed like a
good idea. Oh wait, could you brighten up that
teleprompter......great.....strategery...those Iraqinoids just don't know Jesus yet.
That woman's tits were so big...
freeze!!!!!!!
RUSH, Said "I was right"...
Mommy said I didn't HAVE TO eat the peas...
I am a monkey. If I were a female monkey, my breasts would be out to
about here.... is Rumsfeld making a face at me again?
I hope the spiraling decline of our once great society pleases you.
Keep up the good work and one day noone will have a real job
YOU HIPPIES NEED REAL JOBS. "YOU SHOULD ONLY GET AIDS AND DIE!"-the
man
Gee, Uncle Donald, my underwear has been on fire for a half hour and
you didn't tell me?
'Course that worship a false god, an idol.
So what's wrong with calling the enemy Satan, and proclaiming that God
chose me?
Now Don's new office will be on the sixth side of the Pentagon.
Ya see - when I wear a yellow tie all my peeps wear a yellow tie!
I would never send my maid out to buy drugs. That's what the twins are
for!
Apparently a*sholes like us appeal to
a whole lot of other voting as*holes.
They were this big. Yuh.
Ahnolds boobies are this big. Rummy tried to squeeze one but broke his
hand.
Miss Rice and Mr. Rumsfeld had a meeting, and Condi is now in charge of
Iraq. Coincidentally, Mr. Rumsfeld will be fine.
gimme a break.. does it LOOK like I can spell my own name??
I would never send my own family members to a war, that's for the less
Fortunate.
It's called the "Swartzenegger Manuver", you pinch a girl on the bun
and when her arms go up, you reach around and grope her like this.
Listen, God talks to ME before he talks to the Pope.
I am a monkey. If I were a female monkey, my breasts would be out to
about here.... is Rumsfeld making a face at me again?
Look in my heart? My heart is made of cold black steel you son of a b*tch!
"I feel
like growing tits so America can focus on something other than
my stupidity."
You
hook the parachute across the front of the naval aviator suit just
like this. Then you get to fly in the big jet and tell people that the
war is over. Daddy told me it would make a big impression!
I Suck what?
I
wouldn't go to Iraq even if you put body armor on me out to here! The
Irag thing is for kids from po' families. I are in charge tho' so if I
say go you gotta go.
I told
Arnold that I like to grab women's breasts too. Unfortunately,
Rummy got his wrist broken by the last one he groped.
.... And then the hungry caterpillar........
Put both hands out and shake them all about...
Me'n'Donny'n'Ari call -- Yeller Tie Day!
I am
just a dumbass put here by my daddy and his rich crony friends.
It really hurts that so many are so mean to me for being so dumb.
I don't
know and I don't care!
I don't care to know!
I know I don't care!
Condi's looking good.