Euphemisms . . . A more interesting way of saying something obvious
Sent in by veritas20001
A couplet short of a sonnet.
A few beers shy of a six-pack.
A few melons short of a load.
A few pickles shy of a barrel.
A few French fries short of a Happy Meal.
A few pickles short of a jar.
A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
A flower short of an arrangement.
A lap behind the field.
A little light in his loafers.
A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Churchill
A notch off the timing mark.
A quart low.
A twenty-five watter.
A violin minus the bow.
A wind-up clock without a key.
All hammer, no nail.
All hat and no cattle.
All shot, no powder.
All wax and no wick.
An early example of the Peter Principle.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
As happy as if he had brains.
As quick as a corpse.
As sharp as a bowling ball
Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.
As smart as bait.
Attic's a little dusty.
Bad spot on the disk.
Blocked one too many hockey pucks with his head.
Born during low tide in the gene pool
Born ugly and built to last.
Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat.
Bubbles in her think tank.
Carries a tire gauge in her purse.
Cauliflower for brains.
Cursor's flashing but there's no response.
Defective hard drive / boot sector.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
Doesn't have both oars in the water.
Doesn't just know nothing; doesn't even suspect much.
Downhill skiing in Iowa.
Dumber than a box of rocks.
Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top
Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn't open.
Full throttle, dry tank.
Gasoline engine, diesel fuel.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Goalie for the dart team.
Half a bubble off plumb. -- attributed to Mark Twain
Has a one-way ticket on the Disoriented Express.
Has his solar panels aimed at the moon.
Has the brains of a house plant.
Has the personality of a snail on Valium.
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
Her sewing machine's been out of thread for some time now.
Her tires are a little low.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His elevator is stuck between floors.
His head whistles in a cross wind.
His mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime.
His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
His system administrator is never in.
If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage.
If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.
If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea.
If he gets any denser, the geocentric theory of the universe will come true.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
If her brains were put in a hummingbird, it would fly backwards.
If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock.
If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant.
If they knock heads, implosion will suck all the air out of the room.
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Impervious to brain damage.
In a tub of Preparation H, he'd shrink down to thumb size.
Intellectually challenged.
IQ = dx / (1 + dx), where x = age.
IQ lower than a snake's belly in a wagon-rut.
Isn't carrying a full set of clubs.
It's hard to believe he beat 100,000 other sperm.
Knitting with only one needle.
Leaky sunroof.
Left hand threaded.
Lights are on but nobody's home.
Likes dunking for French fries.
Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend / jumped the track.
Lives in La-la-land.
Lives in the same world, but a different universe.
Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
Long on dry wall, short on studs.
Loose chip on the microprocessor board.
Loose wire to his headset/ringer.
Lug nuts rattling in the hubcaps.
Mainspring's wound too tight.
Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.
Mind like a steel trap -- rusted shut.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Missing a few gears
Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.
Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.
Needs another brain to make half-wit.
Nice house but not much furniture .
No grain in the silo.
No hay in the loft.
No one at the throttle.
No wind in her mind's windmills.
Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us.
Not done evolving yet.
Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.
Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.
Not firing on all eight cylinders.
Not firmly seated in the socket
Not dealing from a full deck
Not running on full thrusters.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
On the batting end of a no-hitter.
On permanent leave of absence from his senses.
One bit short of a byte.
One board short of a porch.
One boot stuck in the sand.
One rail short of a bank shot.
One drop short of an empty bladder.
One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
One hot pepper short of an enchilada.
One live brain cell away from being a talking monkey.
One node short of a network.
One of the early failures of electroshock therapy.
One sentence short of a paragraph.
One shade short of a rainbow.
One shingle shy of a roof.
One step short of the attic.
One taco short of a combination plate.
One tree short of a hammock.
Only one oar in the water.
Only playing with 51 cards.
Only playing with the jokers.
Operating in stand-by mode.
Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
Out there where the buses don't run.
Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
Permanently out to lunch.
Pins 2 and 3 (RS-232) permanently connected to ground.
Plays solitaire... for cash.
Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere.
Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope.
Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway.
Reading from an unformatted disk.
Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek.
Receiver is off the hook.
Result of a first cousin marriage.
Runs squares around the competition.
Rusty springs in the mousetrap.
Sat under the ozone hole too long.
Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong.
She wears a pony tail to cover up the valve stem.
Single-sided, low density.
Skating on the wrong side of the ice.
Slow as molasses in January.
Smoke doesn't make it to the top of his chimney.
So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight.
Some Assembly Required.
Some bugs in his software.
Some pages missing.
Someone blew out his pilot light.
Source code is missing a few lines.
Subtle as a well-thrown brick.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Switch is on, but no one's receiving.
Teflon brain -- nothing sticks. -- Lilly Tomlin
The spit valve's fallen off his trumpet again.
The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.
The two put together have an IQ over 150.
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead.
Thick as a brick.
Too many birds on her antenna.
Took the little bus to school.
Toys in the attic.
Train of thought derailed
Two bits shy of a word.
Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.
Useful as a kickstand on a horse.
Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
Useful as tits on a bull
Vacancy on the top floor.
Wasn't abused as a child, but should have been.
Whole lotta choppin', but no chips a flyin'.
Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.