Monday edition - September 24, 2007





Cheney mulled Israeli strike on Iran: Newsweek
Reuters - 9-24-07
WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney had at one point considered asking Israel to launch limited missile strikes at an Iranian nuclear site to provoke a retaliation, Newsweek magazine reported on Sunday..


Memo from Cheney: Do not write this down
Los Angeles Times, CA - 9-24-07
Well, historians need not worry about memo deletions as far as Vice President Dick Cheney's files are concerned. He doesn't write memos

Warping the lessons of Watergate
Boston Globe, United States - Sep 23, 2007
Q. Why does Watergate still matter to you - and to Dick Cheney? A. It clearly matters to Cheney because he thinks as a result of Nixon not staying, fighting, and prevailing, somehow the presidency was weakened.


Cheney and Soprano have a lot in common -- they both love money, secrecy and guns!



"Hillary Clinton criticized Vice President Cheney and called him 'Darth Vader.' Cheney denied it and said, 'Darth Vader is evil, half-machine and always wears a cape. And I don't own a cape.'" --Conan O'Brien



The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News



Hillary did call Dick Cheney “Darth Vader.”  So we got that, you know. Yeah, she called him “Darth Vader,” which is very unfair. Because Darth Vader would have caught Bin Laden by now.- Bill Maher


Smugglers, Inc.


Federal prosecutors are investigating whether employees of the private security firm Blackwater USA illegally smuggled into Iraq weapons that may have been sold on the black market and ended up in the hands of a U.S.-designated terrorist organization, officials said Friday.



By Don Davis






Disturbing News


"Reporters at the Washington-based web site The Politico said that Larry Craig's return to the Capitol this week was 'about as wanted as a mystery meat sandwich.' ... Which was what Craig was asking the undercover cop for." --Jay Leno


Iran Smugglers


The U.S. military again accused Iran on Sunday of smuggling surface-to-air missiles and other advanced weapons into Iraq for use against American troops.

The new allegations came as Iraqi leaders condemned the latest U.S. detention of an Iranian in northern Iraq, saying the man was in their country on official business.



Republican Shenanigans

Iraq Makes U-Turn on Blackmail, err, Blackwater


Iraq said on Monday no action would be taken against U.S. private security firm Blackwater over a shooting in which 11 people were killed until after a joint investigation with U.S. officials.


"There are now allegations that New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick may have tampered with the stadium's audio frequencies to eavesdrop on the other teams' conversations. But the good news of these spying allegations is that today Belichick was offered a job with the Bush administration." --Jay Leno



By Don Davis



You know, I have to say the Democrats are so useless they could not even pass a bill to get our troops more time between deployments. Only the Republicans could make an argument that a bill that literally supports the troops didn’t support the troops. And only the Democrats could lose that argument.  Next week, the Democrats are getting to vote whether to give Republicans all their lunch money or just some of it. - Bill Maher


Rock-The-Voter News




"Just today, President Bush gave a press conference to talk about an issue on everyone's mind -- health care. Specifically, this so-called SCHIP insurance bill. It's a Democratic measure that would expand what children would be eligible for federally funded health insurance. And you know why that's bad [on screen: Bush saying, 'The SCHIP plan is an incremental step toward the goal of government run health care for every American']. Oh my God, they're gonna put Communism in our kids' drinking water ... and then inject them with the gay and load them on Michael Moore and float them to Cuba!" --Jon Stewart




Biz-Tech News



"So obviously, the president has a better idea [on screen: Bush saying, 'I believe the best approach is to put more power in the hands of individuals. By empowering people and their doctors...']. Okay, I'm just going to stop him right there. ... I think I figured out the disconnect here. I think I figured out the problem. 'Empowering people and their doctors.' See, he thinks the uninsured have doctors." --Jon Stewart





Bush-Prison-Torture News




Oh, that General Petraeus. You know that the Republicans are still angry about this ten-day-old ad, you know, that General Petraeus, he betrayed us. And the Senate actually voted to condemn an ad. That’s what your government did yesterday. They held a vote to pass a resolution to condemn an ad with a pun in it. And then they had Oreos and braided each other’s hair.- Bill Maher





Lord of the Flies


Former Press Secretary Tony Snow says that when a little black fly shows up, Bush gets to work "chasing flies around the Oval Office. It drives him crazy when flies get in." And Bush is so well known as a fly hunter among his White House staff, says Snow, that somebody "made him White House fly swatters."


Vicente Fox, the former president of Mexico, he’s got a book coming out where he talks about George Bush. And he said that Bush, the cowboy, is afraid of horses.  Well, actually, he’s not afraid of them, but he had a bad experience. Because back in college, a horse defeated him in a debate. - Bill Maher





Go-F***-Yourself News




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Odd News



The 'Nano Air Vehicle,' or NAV (R) is designed to carry interchangeable payload modules. Like the seeds of a silver maple tree (L) that it resembles, the single-winged device would pack a tiny two-stage rocket thruster along with telemetry, communications, navigation, imaging sensors and a power source. The keychain-sized device holds the potential to transmit data that could change the way the U.S. military and other users perform a range of critical missions, including homeland security, Lockheed Martin Corp. says. Photo/Lockheed Martin Corp.