It does seem as though we are in a grade B movie.

"There are rumors that Dan Rather could lose his job over this. Wouldn't that be ironic? Another American losing his job due to President Bush!" –- Jay Leno

Lynchburg, Va. (IWR News Parody) -- At a $10,000 a plate Republican tent revival in Virginia last night, President Bush promised the snake handlers in attendance that he would do his best to ring Armageddon if he is reelected.

www.internetweekly.org

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

• Gunmen Kill Oil Official in Northern Iraq  AP

• U.S. Attacks Insurgents in Baghdad; 1 Dead  AP

• Hostage's kin vent fury at U.S. as they await his fate  AFP

• Spiritual leader of Iraqi hostage-takers killed Ireland Online

• Britain Says It Will Not Give in to Iraq Kidnappers  Reuters

• U.S. Rules Out Iraqi Women Prisoners' Release  AP

• Militants Claim to Have Killed Italians  AP

• Officials Say Iraqi Elections on Track  AP

• North Korea May Be Preparing Missile Launch -- Sources  Reuters

• Mugabe: Bush Acts Like 'Political God'  AP

• U.S. to Close 35 Percent of Overseas Bases  AP

• Rumsfeld Sold Stakes in Pentagon Contractors  Reuters

• Israel's bunker bomb buy irks Iran CNN

Presidential Polls Glance  AP

Robert Redford said he is insulted when President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney tout their status as Westerners.

"I take particular offense as a Westerner when I see all the swagger and all the strutting. .... And I think, `What do they know about the West?'" said Redford, who has homes in California and Utah. "It's synthetic. It's fake."

“Daryn [Kagan], my former colleague at CNN and a heck of a good person, is dating Rush Limbaugh. Gasp.”
— Peter King SI.com

Disturbing News

• Haiti Storm Death Toll Could Reach 2,000 ABC News 

• Cleveland Ranked Nation's Poorest Big City  AP

• German restitution bid stirs outrage in Poland  Chicago Tribune

• CIA's spy network thin  USATODAY.com

• Bush Campaign: Gifts Should Cover Recount  AP

• Senate Approves Goss As Head of CIA

• Airport screeners missed weapons  USATODAY.com

• Hurricane Jeanne Heads for Southeast U.S.; Ivan Reforms in Gulf Bloomberg

Republican Shenanigans

• Cat Stevens Calls U.S. Deportation 'Ridiculous'  Reuters

• British Foreign Minister rejects U.S. reason for deporting Cat Stevens  AFP

• Texans Still at Odds Over Bush's Legal Reforms  Los Angeles Times

• Despite Bush Flip-Flops, Kerry Gets Label  washingtonpost.com

• Millions Blocked from Voting in Election  Reuters

• Bush Team Orchestrates Larger Ad Campaign  AP

• Charges Vs. DeLay Linked to Ethics Charges  AP

"President Bush gave a speech at the United Nations. I don't want to say it was a hostile crowd, but they had Bush stand behind a screen made of chicken wire." –- Jay Leno

Good News

• Ex-FBI Translator Sues U.S. for Records  AP

Biz/Tech News

• Oil Prices Soar on Worrisome Supply News  AP

• CBS Is Fined $550,000 for Super Bowl Incident New York Times

• Australia vows action after incendiary device found on jet  AFP

• Microsoft to secure IE for XP only CNET News.com

• U.S. Cybersecurity Office May Relocate  AP

"It looks like President Bush and John Kerry have agreed on three debates. Kerry wanted more but Bush said no; he thought three was a good even number." –- Jay Leno

Click here to see the Top Secret Debate Contract Addendum

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Third Guantanamo Spy Case Falls Apart  AP

Go-F*** -Yourself News

• U.S. to transfer high-tech arsenal to Israel Times Picayune, LA 

• Iran Would React to Israeli Nuclear Action Fort Wayne News Sentinel, IN

• Lynne Cheney Helps Soften Husband's Image  AP

• Middle-Class Tax Cuts Extension Approved  AP

Jimmy Swaggart says he thinks it’d be fun to kill a gay man who looks at him the wrong way, then apologizes for remark.

Kerry/Edwards News

• Kerry Says Bush Avoiding Reality on Iraq  AP

• Kerry: Bush failed to level with the U.N. about Iraq  USATODAY.com

 Bush/Cheney: Where are we going?
And what are we doing in this hand basket?  

Odd News

• 'Spider-Man' Climbs Building Bare-Handed  AP

• Schwarzenegger's cigar tent flooded  Reuters

• Book club has a read on Bush and Kerry  USATODAY.com

• Mutant poppy makes safer drugs Guardian

• Researchers Study Plastics From Feathers  AP

• Branch Davidian Leader's Car to Be Auctioned  Reuters

• Dad Says School Duct-Taped Son's Pants  AP

• Four Police Cars Collide During Exercise

• 'Chucky' the Alligator Found on Alabama Coast

• John Calls Taiwanese Photographers 'Pigs'

"Children", a sculpture by Duane Hanson, American photorealist sculptor, 1925-96.

Peace.