Big thanks to Rick for the graphic

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So does having no health insurance. - Grant "Brad" Gerver www.seriouskidding.com

Glenn Beck, Keep Your Grubby Paws of Yom Kippur
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Beck, you are bad to the bone,
So it’s time that you start to atone.
And stop trying to steal
Jewish holy days. Heel!
Kindly leave all my people alone.
 

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4,345 AP

• Bomb in Afghanistan kills US service member The Associated Press

• Two NATO solders killed in Afghanistan AFP

• Pentagon delays Afghan troop request: report Reuters

• After years of war, Iraqis hit by frenzy of crime

• Girls school attacked in troubled NW Pakistan

• Ahmadinejad warns against any attack on Iran  Reuters

• Carter says Israel must stop building settlements

• U.S. offices in South Africa closed over threat

Obama v Letterman

Obama also had his most irreverent answer yet on the question of whether some of the vitriolic reaction to his health care plan is driven at least partly by racism.

"First of all, I think it's important to realize that I was actually black before the election," Obama said to huge laughs from Letterman and the audience.

Responded Letterman: "How long have you been a black man?"
 

Disturbing News

• Aussie oil spill set to continue leaking: company

• Southeast floods block highways; toll rises to 8 AP

"Democratic Senator Max Baucus introduced his health care plan this week, to make it mandatory to get health insurance and ... you would fine people if you didn't get it. And if you didn't pay the fine, you'd go to jail. But the good news is, once you're in jail, free health care!" --Jay Leno

Lying For Money

South Carolina Republican congressman Joe Wilson has now raised over $2 million in campaign contributions since he shouted "You lie!" at the president earlier this month.
 

Republican-Shenanigans News

• They heart Huckabee Baltimore Sun

• DeLay's daughter drums up votes before his 'Dancing' debut CNN

• Mark Sanford spent more than $60000 on private jets Greenville News

• Lazio not waiting for Giuliani this time CNN

• Ex-Gov. Pataki considers returning to NY politics The Associated Press

• Senate Republicans Aim to Stop FCC's Open Internet Proposal Wall Street Journal

Carrie Prejean. You know Carrie, the almost-Miss California. She spoke today at the Values Voters Summit. They have great speakers, like crazy Michele Bachmann is there this year, John Boehner, the unemployed Baldwin brother, token black guy and for that segment of the Republican party that finds Sarah Palin too intellectual, they got Carrie Prejean to speak this year. She said, God chose her to give that answer at the pageant against gay marriage. You know what, Carrie, if God is really that interested in what goes on at beauty pageants, he's gay." --Bill Maher

www.internetweekly.org

Teabaggers Say "Take Our Country Back", What They Mean Is "Take Our Country Back From The Black"

"If Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid thought that after 9/12 we'd just go away and give up, well then we have some bad news for them," organizers wrote in a blog item — singling out the president, Senate majority leader and House speaker — that was posted on the Tea Party Express Web site. "We're back, better than ever, and determined to TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK!"

Republican health care reform would allot vouchers for hand sanitizer to qualifying families.

- Grant "Brad" Gerver www.seriouskidding.com

Rock-The-Voter News

• Edwards asked aide to claim paternity, sources say CNN

• Fundraiser Nemazee Stole $292 Million, US Grand Jury Alleges Bloomberg

• Bill Clinton weighs in on charges of racism against Obama CNN

• Justice Dept. inspector general to launch limited ACORN investigation CNN

The Not-So-Frugal Traveler (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Making staffers use each Post-It side,
Mark Sanford would wastefulness chide.
Then he’d charter a plane,
Throwing cash down the drain.
Sanford sure took his state for a ride.

"Right now in Washington, D.C., they're holding something called the Values Voters Summit. This is a gathering of conservative activists at the Omni Hotel. During the day, they get together and talk about values and politics, and then at night, they sneak hookers up to their hotel rooms. " --Jimmy Kimmel

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil hangs near $70 in Asia after big tumble

• Ford to announce 3rd China car plant: source Reuters

• Obama lashes out at U.S. banks over student loans

• Journalism still finding recruits if not profits AP

"Well, according to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, he says the recession is over. You know, where is that 'You lie!' guy when you need him?" --Jay Leno
 

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• September 11 defendants get "My Lai" massacre film Reuters

"Today, what else is going on? Former Vice President Dick Cheney underwent minor surgery on his back. The doctor told Cheney it's a simple operation, he'd be up and having heart surgery in no time." --Conan O'Brien
 

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Cheney Enters Hospital: Thumbs Nose at Uninsured The Spoof (satire)

"Dick Cheney is having surgery today to relieve his lower back pain. And do you know how they administered the anesthesia? They just shot it right in his face." --Jimmy Fallon

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