Wednesday edition - August 5, 2009
Clinton secures release of American reporters
Palin's use of private e-mail subject of hearing
Clinton May Pave Way for Talks With Spotlight on Kim
Could you imagine George W securing the release of those two female journalists?
The man who wrote many of the speeches for President George W. Bush is now working on his memoirs. True story. The book will be called “Me Do Bad Job.”- Conan O'Brien
The Russians Are
Here! The Russians Are Coming Here!
Two nuclear-powered Russian
attack submarines have been patrolling in international waters off the East
Coast for several days, in activity reminiscent of the Cold War, defense
officials said Tuesday.
U.S. Northern Command would not comment on the Russian submarines' movement. But in a prepared statement, Northern Command spokesman Michael Kucharek acknowledged the patrols and said the U.S. has been monitoring the two submarines.
of Republicans believe Obama was born in the United States. That's an amazing
statistic. How come in America, Christians are the ones who won't take anything
on faith?" --Bill Maher
Hey, there was a rumor on the Internet this weekend that Sarah Palin was getting divorced. I knew that wasn’t true, because when Sarah Palin takes an oath, she doesn’t bail. - Jimmy Fallon
GOP = Angry Mobs
National Committee will amplify its charge that
Republicans are responsible for “inciting angry mobs of a small number of rabid
right wing extremists … to disrupt” town hall meetings in a new 65 second
Web video that will release Wednesday morning.
'Southern Republicans, it seems, have seceded from sanity' Atlanta Journal Constitution
‘The Washington Post is doing a big story on the 2008 John McCain campaign. And it now says after all this research that he picked Sarah Palin because of a “high risk/high reward strategy.” Apparently, it’s the same reason McCain uses Metamucil. - Conan OBrien
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP’s spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies:
“The bill will kill gran —
Shorten seniors’ life span.”
Their goal? Cut Barack down to size.
nice, though, President Obama served Professor Gates and Officer Crowley beer
and pretzels. Did you know that? Pretzels. Yeah, it's the first time pretzels
have been served at the White House since the time one attacked President Bush.
Remember that one?" --Conan O'Brien
This is actually a true story. It was in the news today. The latest slang dictionary reports that the word Obama means “cool,” as in “you are so Obama.” Also gaining popularity: the phrase “shut your Biden-hole.” - Conan OBrien
Ads by Google
"Hey, at a
concert in Washington, D.C., Paul McCartney dedicated the song 'Michelle' to
Michelle Obama. And then, I thought this was sweet, he dedicated the song
'Taxman' to Barack." --Jimmy Fallon
Midwest has been home to foreign detainees before The Associated Press
Obama just announced he’s considering transferring prisoners from Guantanamo Bay
to Michigan. The idea is to scare the prisoners into revealing information about
terror plots by showing them a bus ticket to Detroit. - Conan O'Brien
Dick Cheney is still laying low. Maybe he went hunting with Sarah Palin.
weekend, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin took a submarine to the bottom of
Lake Baikal, the world's deepest lake. He got to see some rare exotic fish and
his past political opponents." --Jimmy Fallon
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To Help You Deflate Photo
Used cars are seen in a dumpster to draw attention
to the 'Cash for Clunkers' program at Performance Chevrolet in Sacramento,
Calif., Saturday, Aug. 1, 2009. On Friday Congress approved an additional $2
billion for the program that provides $3,500 or $4,500 credits to buyers who
trade in older, gas guzzling vehicles for more fuel-efficient new cars.