Tuesday edition - August 28, 2007

I couldn't make this stuff up.

Beware of the homosexualrepublicancomplex!

Bill Clinton seems like a prude compared to these elderly versions of George Michael. Who knew the '90s would ever seem so old-fashioned and romantic[?] -  Ken Layne - Wonkette

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

• U.S. military deaths in Iraq at 3,731 AP

• www.iraqbodycount.org

• Clashes in Iraq's Kerbala kill 25: security source Reuters

• Bomb kills 10 at mosque Baltimore Sun

• CBS translator abducted, killed in Iraq AP

• U.S., Iraqi forces kill 33 insurgents AP

• Iraq orders 1 million pilgrims to leave AP

• Taliban agree to free S. Korean hostages AP

• US gives UN project 30 mln dlrs for Iraqi children AFP

• Bush Touts Iraqi Agreement Guardian Unlimited

Public Relations 101: Know Your Client

KABUL, Afghanistan -- The U.S. military said Monday it regretted any offense it may have caused by giving out a soccer ball with the word Allah written on it as part of a public relations exercise in Afghanistan.

THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO COULD POSSIBLY FILL ALBERTO’S SHOES

Yeah George, it's a "which" hunt all right. "Which" disgraced neocon will fall next? - Grant Gerver, www.seriouskidding.com

Disturbing News

• Rainfall increasing over tropical oceans United Press International

• A plea from Big Easy musicians (photo only) Fort Worth Star Telegram, TX 

Another Reason Why Bush Should Stay Put In Washington

A motorcycle police officer accompanying President Bush's motorcade crashed as their vehicles arrived at the airport and later died. The crash came less than a year after an accident in Hawaii killed another motorcycle officer accompanying the president.

The oil may be in Texas but the dipsticks are in DC - Anon.

Email;

Subject: Mr Subliminal

Listening to Bush’s brief press conference the other day, I was wondering how Mr. Subliminal - aka, Phil Maloney - aka Kevin Nealon [1.] might have handled it.

Mr. Subliminal Goes to Washington

"After months of unfair treatment (due process) that has created a harmful distraction (the truth) at the Justice Department (shambles), Judge Gonzales (incompetent) decided to resign his position (or get impeached) and I accepted his decision (fired). It is sad that we live in a time when a talented (stupid) and honorable (sleazy) person like Alberto Gonzales (Fredo) is impeded from doing important work (torture) because his good name (criminal) was dragged through the mud for political reasons (caught lying)."

1.] Mr. Subliminal, played by Kevin Nealon, was originally an advertising executive (named Phil Maloney) who used subliminal messages to influence people. His appearances on Update utilized the subliminal technique (i.e. saying things rapidly and under his breath, between words) to reveal what he is really thinking.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturday_Night_Live_characters_appearing_on_Weekend_Update

 

Robert

Republican Shenanigans

• The GOP's Bathroom Problem Yahoo! News

• US Senator Denies Misconduct in Airport Arrest Voice of America

• After guilty plea, Sen. Craig resigns leadership spot in Romney ... USA Today

• Gonzales Kicked On His Way Out The Door U.S. News & World Report
   

Bush Pardons Newly-Resigned Gonzales

President Bush will defend his war strategy is a speech to the American Legion convention in Reno this morning. He has a lot of explaining to do. In five years President Bush has authorized three invasions and only the colonoscopy was a success. - Argus Hamilton, comedian

 

Rock-The-Voter News
 

• Obama names Republicans he'll work with AP

• Clinton stumps with celebs in Vineyard AP

What would Gobbels do?

Ooh, Hillary was in the crosshairs of someone last week. Did you hear this? Ted Nugent...was giving a concert, and he held up a machine gun and made veiled threats about Hillary and Barack Obama. And I find this shocking: Ted Nugent still has concerts?! - Bill Maher

Biz-Tech News

• Oil inches higher on refinery snags CNNMoney.com 

• Consumer confidence down in August AP

• Beijing police launch Web patrols AP

• Boom in Chinese earnings draws warning FT.com

• Caterpillar plan to build diesel engines in China Reuters.uk

• Yahoo says lawsuit more about politics Houston Chronicle

“Listen to this, according to U.S. intelligence, they say Iraq Prime Minister Maliki is an ineffective leader” that “is…unable to work with his cabinet, lacks authority with the population, has poor communication skills -- no, wait a minute. That’s Bush. I’m sorry, I completely -- forgive me.” - David Letterman

 

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Jury Gets Last Abu Ghraib Court-martial Guardian Unlimited

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question

Go-F***-Yourself News

• Cheney had the right idea about Iraq back in 1994 St. Cloud Times, MN

Email

Subject: I am the happiest man in the world

Hello dear Lisa, a huge hug for you from Finland .

You have been cheering me up for many years and I wanted to thank you again for your commitment to humour and peace. I see you as a warrior, yes a warrior, to the right cause and I have great respect for the weapon you have chosen to fight corruption and apathy – Humour.

The reason I am writing this is that my 3 years of angst since I broke up with the mother of my child has ended. Just like a flash of lightning would have hit me, I fell in love.

Love is the mightiest force.

(Thanks for keeping me sane for all these years. I will scrape together a few bucks for you from the next paycheck I get. It wont be much, cause Im sorta struggling to get by, but you if anyone deserves it.)

You brought a big smile to my face.

Love makes the world go round and keeps us sane, too. I am very happy for you.

I am glad I have offered some humor relief for you....God knows we all need it.

In fact, I feel privileged that I can make someone laugh in far away Finland.

Please don't donate unless you can afford it!!

Thank you for the wonderful email.

Prince Charles' wife Camilla said Sunday she will not attend the memorial service in London this week on the tenth anniversary of Princess Diana's death. She said she would be a distraction. That is the same reason she didn't go to the wedding. - Argus Hamilton, comedian

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