August 19,  2004  Thursday

Bush speaks of 'Soviet dinar'
Melbourne Herald Sun, Australia -- 8-19-04
U.S. President George W. Bush spoke today of "the Soviet dinar," appearing to mix up the Russian ruble and the Iraqi dinar.

War of words heats up as Iran warns of preemptive strike on U.S. forces

AFP -- 8-19-04

In a marked escalation of a war of words between Iran and its arch-enemies Israel and the U.S., Tehran has for the first time threatened a preemptive strike against US troops in the region.

Kerry: Bush Lets Groups Do 'Dirty Work'

AP -- 8-19-04

Sen. John Kerry accused President Bush on Thursday of relying on front groups to challenge his record of valor in Vietnam, asserting, "He wants them to do his dirty...

Who do you trust with their finger on the nuclear button?  I trust Kerry because he can pronounce nuclear.

"Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge announced that Al Qaeda has plans to attack buildings in Newark. After hearing this, Al Qaeda said, 'Are you crazy? Even we won't want to go to Newark.' "   -- Conan O’Brien

TRAVERSE CITY, MI. (IWR News Parody) -- President Bush today distinguished his Stalinesque* vision for American from that of the Kerry campaign.  "Unlike that flip flopping Lurch, we stand for something.  We will bury him in November," said Mr. Bush as he pounded his shoe on the podium.

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

Military Documents Contradict Kerry Critic
Thursday August 19, 2004

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A Vietnam veteran who claims Sen. John Kerry lied about being under fire during a Mekong Delta engagement that won Kerry a Bronze Star was under constant fire himself during the same skirmish, according to the man's own medal citation, a newspaper reported...


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"It's been reported the Israeli army is now treating combat stress by giving its soldiers marijuana. As a result, Nabisco is expecting a huge spike in the sale of Kosher Oreos." -- Conan O’Brien

Disturbing News

Today's haiku features peaceful protest discounts, Halliburton favors, Republican Astroturf, and the Plame investigation:
Discount ticks, cheap wings

Seduce peaceful protesters.
Others jailed for free.
Army reverses
Halliburton punishment.
Cheneyed yet again.

The rest of today's news haiku is here:


Are those inflated condoms they're holding?

Republican Shenanigans

“The problem with a suck-up press for Democrats is that with no adversary press to call them on it, Democrats develop wilder and wilder Walter Mitty fantasy lives until finally one day, when they are at the zenith of their political careers, someone notices that they're not Irish, they didn't deserve their war medals, 254 Swift Boat veterans hate them, and they didn't spend Christmas Eve, 1968, in Cambodia. (Or that they are white-trash serial molesters and unrepentant rapists who somehow talked their way into an Arkansas governorship.)”  -- Ann Coulter, crazed anorexic right winger


Nice photo/story about Republican concept of free speech  

Good News

 "This week, the Bush campaign unveiled its new slogan. The new slogan is, 'We've turned the corner, and we're not turning back.' This replaces their old slogan: 'Do what Dick Cheney says, and nobody gets hurt.' " -- Conan O’Brien

New biography looks at US Vice-President Cheney with critical eye
Alaska Highway News, Canada -- Aug 17, 2004

Nichols writes: "It is not the practice of Nelson Mandela to speak ill of other prominent players on the world stage, but he will make an exception for Dick Cheney."

Cheney as a congressman was isolated in the "Less Than 10 Club," Nichols says.
Among 435 representatives, he was one of four to vote against the Undetectable Firearms Act of 1988, a plastic gun measure; one of eight who opposed the Older Americans Act in 1987, a nutrition program; one of eight who, the same year, voted against reauthorization of the Clean Air Act; one of nine who opposed a plan to grant federal employees time off to care for sick relatives.

Along with Cheney's voting record, Nichols details Cheney's Vietnam draft deferments; he also notes Cheney's compensation by Halliburton Corp. and the billions in government contracts his former company received. Though Nichols has covered Cheney as a reporter and spoken with him briefly on occasion, the author says his aim was a book "grounded in the official record and news reports."


Go-F*** -Yourself News

 "The federal government reported that despite much higher expectations, U.S. employers only added 32,000 jobs to the payrolls last month. Even worse, all the jobs were in India." -- Conan O’Brien


Bush-Prison-Torture News

 Biz/Tech News

Kerry/Edwards News

Texas Children Home After African Odyssey

Reuters -- Wed Aug 18, 2:41 AM ET

Seven Texas children were recovering on Tuesday after surviving for 10 months in a Nigerian shack when their adoptive mother abandoned them, child welfare authorities said on Tuesday.

What is it with Texas women? They run over their husbands with their Mercedes, they drown their kids or stone them to death because God told them to …. it must be the drinking  water.

Odd News

They say blondes have more fun, but redheads will have the edge on Sunday when they get into London Zoo for free to view a rare new-born ginger-colored monkey. The endangered southeast Asian monkey, called Laa Laa, has typical baby orange fur that will turn a glossy black in six months. (London Zoo)