Who do you trust with their finger on the nuclear button? I trust Kerry because he can pronounce nuclear. "Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge announced that Al Qaeda has plans to attack buildings in Newark. After hearing this, Al Qaeda said, 'Are you crazy? Even we won't want to go to Newark.' " -- Conan O’Brien
TRAVERSE CITY, MI. (IWR News Parody) -- President Bush today distinguished his Stalinesque* vision for American from that of the Kerry campaign. "Unlike that flip flopping Lurch, we stand for something. We will bury him in November," said Mr. Bush as he pounded his shoe on the podium. http://www.internetweekly.org/2004/08/cartoon_bush_stalinesque.html The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
Military Documents Contradict Kerry Critic
WASHINGTON (AP) -- A Vietnam veteran who claims Sen. John Kerry lied about being under fire during a Mekong Delta engagement that won Kerry a Bronze Star was under constant fire himself during the same skirmish, according to the man's own medal citation, a newspaper reported...
Click here for the Cream of the Crop Captions in our Name that 'Toon contest Thank you for all your wonderful captions! "It's been reported the Israeli army is now treating combat stress by giving its soldiers marijuana. As a result, Nabisco is expecting a huge spike in the sale of Kosher Oreos." -- Conan O’Brien Disturbing News
Today's haiku features peaceful protest discounts, Halliburton favors,
Republican Astroturf, and the Plame investigation:
Are those inflated condoms they're holding? Republican Shenanigans “The problem with a suck-up press for Democrats is that with no adversary press to call them on it, Democrats develop wilder and wilder Walter Mitty fantasy lives until finally one day, when they are at the zenith of their political careers, someone notices that they're not Irish, they didn't deserve their war medals, 254 Swift Boat veterans hate them, and they didn't spend Christmas Eve, 1968, in Cambodia. (Or that they are white-trash serial molesters and unrepentant rapists who somehow talked their way into an Arkansas governorship.)” -- Ann Coulter, crazed anorexic right winger
Nice photo/story about Republican concept of free speech Good News "This week, the Bush campaign unveiled its new slogan. The new slogan is, 'We've turned the corner, and we're not turning back.' This replaces their old slogan: 'Do what Dick Cheney says, and nobody gets hurt.' " -- Conan O’Brien
New biography looks at US Vice-President Cheney with critical eye Nichols writes: "It is not the practice of Nelson Mandela to speak ill of other prominent players on the world stage, but he will make an exception for Dick Cheney."
Go-F*** -Yourself News
"The federal government reported that despite much higher expectations, U.S. employers only added 32,000 jobs to the payrolls last month. Even worse, all the jobs were in India." -- Conan O’Brien
Bush-Prison-Torture News
Biz/Tech News
Kerry/Edwards News Texas Children Home After African Odyssey Reuters -- Wed Aug 18, 2:41 AM ET Seven Texas children were recovering on Tuesday after surviving for 10 months in a Nigerian shack when their adoptive mother abandoned them, child welfare authorities said on Tuesday. What is it with Texas women? They run over their husbands with their Mercedes, they drown their kids or stone them to death because God told them to …. it must be the drinking water. Odd News
They say blondes have more fun, but redheads will have the edge on Sunday when they get into London Zoo for free to view a rare new-born ginger-colored monkey. The endangered southeast Asian monkey, called Laa Laa, has typical baby orange fur that will turn a glossy black in six months. (London Zoo) Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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