"This is a
weird story. Someone recently tried to sell an Xbox that was autographed by
Sarah Palin for $1.1 million. Yeah. Unfortunately, the Palin Xbox kept quitting
in the middle of every game." --Conan O'Brien
The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam Meanwhile, Back In Pakistan
The U.S. resumed missile strikes in Pakistan's northwest Tuesday — nearly a week after one reportedly killed the country's Taliban chief — hitting a hide-out believed to be frequented by his supporters and killing at least eight suspected militants, intelligence officials said.
"Today was
his 200th day in office. Barack Obama has been -- wow, he made it. And he said
he still loves the job as much as ever. And he loves it so much, he's thinking
about finally doing it and becoming an American citizen." -Bill Maher
Disturbing News Mile High Club Cancelled?
House Democratic leaders
said Monday that they will not force the Pentagon to buy four new passenger jets
used to ferry senior government officials.
"I can't
believe he said this -- on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh recently said, 'Adolf
Hitler, like Barack Obama, ruled by dictate.' Yeah. So folks, it took a while,
but Obama has finally won over Rush Limbaugh." --Conan O'Brien
Republican-Shenanigans News
"And now,
there's actual fist-fights that are breaking out in the town hall meetings. And
I have to say this, if you get injured while fighting against health care, you
have to lie there and bleed. You just do. I'm sorry." -Bill Maher
Bill Clinton's Secret Gift for Kim Jong-il By Hubert
Wilson
Rock-The-Voter News
"I saw a
thing on YouTube, a town hall meeting in Little Rock, Arkansas. And a woman from
Brockside, Arkansas, stood up. She was weeping about the threat of socialism.
You know what, lady, Brockside, Arkansas, doesn't have capitalism yet. Your idea
of health care is leeches and moonshine and you're worried about socialism? Oh,
Lord." -Bill Maher
Ads by Google
Biz-Tech News US Supports Drug/Oil Smugglers
U.S. refineries bought millions of dollars worth of oil stolen from Mexican government pipelines and smuggled across the border, the U.S. Justice Department told The Associated Press — illegal operations now led by Mexican drug cartels expanding their reach.
"Hey,
yesterday, did you hear this? Computer hackers managed to shut down Twitter and
my favorite, Facebook, for several hours. In a related story, yesterday American
productivity jumped by 159%." --Conan O'Brien
Bush-Prison-Torture News
"I thought also the biggest news flash of the week: Sonia Sotomayor is now on the Supreme Court. The Senate confirmed her. She will be -- I thought this was interesting -- sworn in on Saturday by Chief Justice John Roberts. And that is progress: a Hispanic woman having a white man come in on Saturday." --Bill Maher
Go-F**k-Yourself News
Subject: Protestors
You published the above pic in your Aug 5 edition. When I see posters such as this, I'm embarrassed that, even in protest, there is such ignorance in this country. The poster should read "Remember, dissent is the highest form of patriotism". James
And to think that almost half of America voted for McCain/Palin. Shudder.
Aren't these the same people who renamed French Fries, Freedom Fries when the French opposed Bush's preemptive strike on Iraq?
As Forest Gump said, "Stupid is as stupid does."
NOTICE: The next edition of All Hat No Cattle will be on Monday, August 17th. I am traveling to San Jose for pre-op tests.
No donations yesterday.
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Email your comments to lisa@allhatnocattle.net
Odd News
To Help You Deflate Photo
This photo taken Aug. 4, 2009 shows Baxter, an Australian shepherd who is afraid of thunder. Baxter is shown with some of the remedies his owner is trying to calm him during thunderstorms. They include Storm Stress and valerian, both over-the-counter products, and a prescription, the generic version of Xanax. Photo/Sharon Theimer
Peace.
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