TGIF/Weekend edition - August 1-3, 2008

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Bush Unveils Spy Guidelines, Angering House Overseers
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There's water on Mars, NASA confirms |
Pakistan Rejects Reports Spy Service Planned Kabul Bombing |
"Barack
Obama says that next month he's planning on spending a week on vacation in
Hawaii. Yeah, when he heard this, President Bush said, 'Pace yourself, 'cause
once you become president, the vacations start coming fast and furious.'"
--Conan O'Brien

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without Saddam
Suicide car bomb kills 3 Iraqi policemen
Australia takes in 400 Iraqis who helped troops The Associated Press
Anthrax Update
A top government scientist who helped the FBI analyze samples from the 2001 anthrax attacks has died in Maryland from an apparent suicide, just as the Justice Department was about to file criminal charges against him for the attacks

Disturbing News
Witnesses: Canada bus passenger beheads seat mate
"And according to the TV show 'Extra,' former vice president Dan Quayle, remember him? He's in the running to join the cast of 'Dancing with the Stars.' That's true, Dan Quayle, you remember, he was vice president under the first George Bush. See, that was back in the day when the president was smart and the vice president was an idiot. Now, of course, everything's turned around" --Jay Leno
Saudis Ban Dog Walking

Every single man knows: Walking a dog in the park is a sure babe magnet. Saudi Arabia's Islamic religious police, in their zeal to keep the sexes apart, want to make sure the technique doesn't catch on here.
Republican-Shenanigans News
John McCain ad irritates many in Hollywood Los Angeles Times
Stevens pleads not guilty to lying about gifts San Jose Mercury News
Schwarzenegger signs order to cut Californian workers' pay Xinhua, China
Low Road Express
Battling what campaign aides called John McCain's "gutter distractions," Sen. Barack Obama launched a new website dubbed "The Low Road Express," designed to counter a wave of new attack ads against him.
If the
Republicans can hold onto the White House after eight years of President Bush,
they deserve the Nobel Prize for Sorcery. - Argus Hamilton

Rock-The-Voter News
Your Laptop Lost It's Rights

U.S. federal agents have been given new powers to seize travelers' laptops and other electronic devices at the border and hold them for unspecified periods the Washington Post reported on Friday.
"Have you
seen the new commercial? The McCain campaign compares Barack Obama to Britney
Spears and Paris Hilton. And today the Obama campaign released an ad comparing
John McCain to Zsa Zsa Gabor and Bea Arthur." --Jay Leno

Biz-Tech News
GM posts $15.5 billion 2nd-quarter loss The Associated Press
ExxonMobil Profit Record: Investors Unimpressed BusinessWeek

Wal-Mart Stores Inc is mobilizing U.S. store managers to lobby against Democrats in November's presidential election, fearing they will make it easier for workers to unionize...

Bush-Prison-Torture News
At Guantanamo, Army officers testify for Hamdan in secret Los Angeles Times
Guantanamo: Detainee assaults commander with feces The Associated Press
Congress Flees For Five Week
Vacation Recess
Lawmakers sped for the exits Friday as Congress was to begin a five-week recess after a summer session noteworthy for bitter partisanship and paralysis on the issue topmost in the minds of many voters: the cost of gasoline.
Go-F**k-Yourself News

Bob Newhart Names “Mad” Kane Winner of 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor

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Odd News
Tom Cruise named in Scientology lawsuit San Francisco Chronicle
The 44-Pound Prince Chunk Was a Foreclosure Victim, Owner Says eFluxMedia
Don't streak, get drunk or sleep outside at Olympics Reuters

This handout
photo released Thursday, July 31, 2008, by the Dillon County Sheriff's Office in
South Carolina, shows the legs of a man who became stuck under a trash bin after
what deputies called an attempted copper theft gone wrong. Gibson Cook, 56, was
rescued from under a trash bin Wednesday.
Photo/ Dillon County Sheriff's Office
Peace.