I wonder how many states will have their recounts stopped in Election 2004? Besides Florida. "According to a poll in Time magazine, 53 percent of people say it's time for someone else to be president. The other 47 percent said they were happy with Dick Cheney." Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
"It's now being reported that John Edwards' younger brother, Wesley, turned himself in to the state of Colorado for a warrant relating to a 1993 DUI arrest ... This proves Edwards is presidential. Have you noticed that most presidents have embarrassing brothers? Bill Clinton had Roger Clinton; Jimmy Carter had his brother, Billy Carter. You know the embarrassing brother in the Bush family? George." Jay Leno Disturbing News
Ode to Ann Coulter
Republican Shenanigans
FEEL-GOOD SPEAK With increasing pressure on the FCC to step up its role as censor, finding language that appropriately communicates the depths of one’s feeling (especially when speaking on the record or within earshot of the press) while remaining within the bounds of propriety has become difficult. As a public-spirited move, I am recommending to my fellow elected officials — and to others engaged in public controversies — a semantic solution to this dilemma: use the word "Cheney" where discretion is required in the expression of frustration, anger or extreme derision. Here are some examples of how this would work. • Go Cheney yourself. • How the Cheney would I know? • Cheney you. • I don’t give a flying Cheney. • Who the Cheney do you think you are? In some cases, substitution of Cheney for its synonym would be particularly appropriate. For example: • George Bush sure has Cheneyed up the situation in Iraq. • The Bush administration’s position is that it is none of our Cheneying business who helped formulate its pro-oil energy policy. • In some cases, Halliburton seems to be Cheneying the American taxpayer. Vice-President Cheney himself said after using the blunter word that it made him feel better. It makes me feel better to suggest a way of expressing the same sentiments while paying appropriate tribute to the vice president’s role in our society. "Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?" -- Sen. Rick Santorum Good News
Bush-Prison-Torture News
News conference about
the fall from the bicycle: Biz/Tech News
The New York Daily News is reporting that Martha may surprise everyone and just show up to jail this week. How embarrassing for her cellmates. Imagine being told, 'Martha Stewart is going to be here in five minutes.' 'Omigosh, the place is a mess. We've got to straighten everything up. Martha Stewart's coming!' Jay Leno
Bush filming new ads on ranch
I decided that I just love the crazy little Texas gunslinger who was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple. He has become my image of the perfect American. So forget it, all you dirty commies, hippies and peaceniks. I'm moving over to the other side, and I advise you all to get a job. Martin Freed - Fairbanks resident Kerry/Edwards News Democratic Convention News
"You wouldn't want to have a beer with John, because John is not a beer drinker. He doesn't drink much period, he's boring that way." --Teresa Heinz Kerry, asked whether her husband is the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with Odd News
"Great moment for Teresa Heinz Kerry. She won a swearing contest with a sailor." David Lettermen
A sculpture on the site of the Sand Sculptures Festival of Blankenberge, Belgium. (BELGA/Yves Boucau) Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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