July 10  2003   Thursday 


Paul Begala, Hillary Clinton and shoe eater Tucker Carlson

on CNN's Crossfire 7-9-03 (AHNC photo off TV/Lisa Casey)

Tucker Carlson has his just desserts
CNN - 7-9-03

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-New York, helped CNN Crossfire Host Tucker Carlson
eat his words Wednesday, following the news that sales of her memoir "Living ...

       Hillary foe eating words & shoe - New York Daily News
       Clinton critic takes a bite out of 'shoe' - Gannett Suburban New York Newspapers
       Senator Clinton Offers a Cure For Foot-in-Mouth Disease - New York Times

Hillary's memoirs sell a million
BBC News, UK - 7-10-03
... appeal. Tucker Carlson, a presenter on news channel CNN, had promised
to eat his shoe if Living History sold a million. "I guess ...

'Living' It Up: Hillary Feels Like a Million
Newsday - 7-10-03
... Meanwhile, on CNN's "Crossfire" yesterday, conservative commentator Tucker Carlson - who promised in April that he would eat both of his shoes (and tie) if ...

Today's cartoon was inspired by the cartoon of a "journalist" Tucker Carlson, who pledged to eat both his shoes and his bowtie if Hillary Clinton sold a million copies of her new book Living History. Hillary did sell more than a million books at the time of this report.  Hillary spared Tucker from his pledge and had a cake baked of a wing tip shoe - right foot.

Pre 9-11, Tucker mentioned on Crossfire how he was detained in Southeast Asia (Vietnam, I believe) at customs.  He ranted and raved at the custom officers claiming he was a member of the American press, blah, blah blah about his self proclaimed importance.  The man is an ass with no journalistic resume of substance yet he is a co-host on CNN.  Be an arrogant right wing fool and you will succeed.  Does he remind you of anyone else?


An Important Announcement from Zelda Morgan

All Hat No Cattle has incorporated

Some of our readers have been around a long time and may already know Lisa was teaching at a prison full time while running this website on her own. Without my assistance, that is quite a feat especially when you add radio personality, wife and mom  to the list of her vocations.

I am truly pleased Lisa has "prison" on her resume.

This is a true story. We were ordering a delightful, ladies lunch overlooking the sound in Navarre, FL. We were dressed up cute and our make up was ready for digital. The waitress said the vegetable du jour was "fried pickles."

My new, best friend; and now business partner, Lisa said to the waitress, "We had fried pickles in prison. No thank you."

Another true story; we incorporated this week. Lisa and I are officially ready to devote ourselves full time to this website and do what we can to justify our efforts to our friends and family by making a buck or two.

Lisa is the boss around here -- the queen bee, mother hen, crone in the throne. I have shunned responsibility all my life and nothing has changed. I am all about protecting my vacation time so I only have 25% (The contract negotiations stopped here). Lisa hauls most of the bricks and has most of the best ideas. Send your complaints straight to her lisa@allhatnocattle.net I'm just a peon, junior partner, princess of the project and Prima Dona writer in a pink tutu.

Lisa found an adorable lawyer/leprechaun to handle the boring details so it is legit ... we are All Hat No Cattle, Incorporated.

We are socially aware and conservation oriented. We promise to use only recycled and environmentally safe pixels in our web site. I admit some of my material has been tested on animals. But it was not in a cruel manner. I sometimes read my work to Dixie Dogue and PuddyTat to see if they laugh out loud or crack a smile.

Anita Beer has offered her wit and witticisms to be duplicated on various items for sale in our strip mall. So you can look forward to sharing some laughs with your friends and family and neighbors and coworkers and acquaintances.

And once Lisa works out the copyright deals with her plastic surgeon, she might be able to peddle her face on a coffee mug or two.

We aim to please so we invite you to write to us with some of your favorite toons or lines from my columns and we might put them on t-shirts, bumper stickers or various substrates. We always remain open minded for any and all suggestions.

Zelda   zeldamorgan@yahoo.com


Zelda does great copy and I do great heads (errr, headlines) and pithy quips. That's why Zelda wrote the above announcement.

We will soon be setting up our strip mall to help cover the expense of running All Hat No Cattle.  I am still working on all the little details to be able to open our strip mall.

Thanks for all your emails and suggestions.  Remember, without you fabulous viewers AHNC would not exist and for that, we both are grateful for your daily encouragement.

Ok, enough of the sappy banter.

Enjoy today's edition!

Lisa  lisa@allhatnocattle.net 


Furniture for the People

 Rickie Lee Jones

Rickie Lee Jones, musician extraordinaire, has a new website including political commentary and networking.  Excellent.  In fact, I'm going to buy her latest CD because she is not afraid of the Bushistas.

Visit her music website http://www.rickieleejones.com

Say hi from Zelda and me.

Visit the Wizard of Whimsy http://home.comcast.net/~wizardofwhimsy/

Quotes from Comedians and Politicians about George W. Bush:

George W. Bush says that since he has been in the White House, he prays every day. I'm thinking, 'Hell, same goes for us.'
- David Letterman

The Bush operation reminds me of North Korea. You have a group of insanely loyal, fiercely committed lunatics, devoting their lives to slavish devotion of a moron whose only claim to power is that his father used to run the country. George W. Bush is Kim Jong II with better hair.
- Paul Begala

What is his accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?
- Ron Reagan Jr.

If George W. Bush is a reformer, I'm an astronaut!
- John McCain

Sent in by MIA132


Today's Top Five Headlines on BuzzFlash.com:

It's the BuzzFlash Interview with Molly Ivins, Need We Say More

More Than 4900 "Spirit of 1776" Americans Have Ratified It: A BUZZFLASH DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE FOR 2003: BE A PATRIOT, SIGN IT!

News Alert: Weapons of mass destruction are no longer likely to turn up in Iraq, the BBC has learned. 7/10

Two More U.S. Soldiers Killed in Iraq: Bush Lied and Our Soldiers Died -- and Continue to Die 7/10

Pentagon: 1,000 Troops Wounded in Iraq. Bush Lies and Taunts--And Our Soldiers Die and Are Wounded 7/10

For More Than 150 Headlines and Stories visit http://www.buzzflash.com.

Surgeons Successfully Separate Michael Weiner Savage's Head from His Rectum
Though Not in Time to Save TV Show


"Bring 'em on."

George W. Bush July 2003

"Mission Accomplished, Mr. President



Conservative MSNBC news host Joe Scarborough was a guest on MSNBC's Imus show Thursday, May 29.

In complementing Scarborough on his sense of humor, Imus said, "Don't be afraid to be funny, because you are funny. I asked you why you aren't
in Congress. You said that you had sex with the intern and then you had to kill her." To which Scarborough laughed, "Yeah, ha, ha ha., well,
what are you gonna do?"
To hear the interview go to http://www.wfan.com/imusinstantreplay/  The quote is from May 29 and comes in near the end at 15:45

How could this "joke" possibly be funny to the family of Lori Klausutis?
Ms Klausutis is the Scarborough intern who was found dead in Scarborough's Fort Walton Beach office on July 21, 2001. At the same time that cable news shows on Fox and MSNBC were hounding Democratic Rep. Gary Condit over the disappearance of Chandra Levy, whose real attacker was later caught, Scarborough appears to have been granted a free pass. He is now the host of his own late night news analysis show

Regardless of whether Scarborough actually murdered Lori Klausutis, his casual joking about her death is inexcusable. Is this the kind of role model MSNBC wants to present to America? Last month Scarborough engaged in a successful campaign to have actor Danny Gloved fired as spokesman
for MCI because of Glover's political views, which Scarborough claimed were anti-American.

Is this the America of today, where the a man who casually jokes about the death of a young woman is put in a position to pass moral and
political judgment over the rest of us? Have we really come to this? I certainly hope not.

Steve R
Sarasota, Florida

Dear Steve,

Republicans aren't investigated anymore.  That is why we Have President Cocky Locky.  All we freedom loving Americans can do is write MSNBC and complain. news@msnbc.com and hope they come to their senses as they did by firing Michael Savage.  Scaraborough laughing at the death of his aide surely rises to the level of what Michael Savage said about our gay Americans.


The fabulous Ragin' Cajun - James Carville

I just read the book he co-authored with Paul Begala  Buck Up, Suck up and come back when you foul up 

I was inspired .

AHNC is really terrific!
Keep up the good work!
Tom O'S.
Auburn, AL

Thanks Tom.

Enjoy your site. Finding truth from the chicklets running our nation is
about as rare as seeing a republican at a "Get out the vote!" rally.

Dutch Schoenberger

Thanks Dutch.  Are you calling us Chicklets?

Lemon meringue level sounds scrumptious. Wish Canada had joined the coaltion of the oilwellian, all we get to talk about is one crappy mad cow. On my level meter Lisa and Zelda hit outrageously good everyday......from gord......

Aw Gord, we're blushing.





The Great Barrier Reef from a NASA satellite. According to an official report, the health of Australia's

world-renowned Great Barrier Reef is continuing to suffer from pollution, over-fishing and rising sea temperatures.