Today's cartoon was inspired by the
cartoon of a "journalist" Tucker Carlson, who pledged to eat both his shoes and
his bowtie if Hillary Clinton sold a million copies of her new book Living
History. Hillary did sell more than a million books at the time of this
report. Hillary spared Tucker from his pledge and had a cake baked of a
wing tip shoe - right foot.
Pre 9-11, Tucker mentioned on Crossfire
how he was detained in Southeast Asia (Vietnam, I believe) at customs.
He ranted and raved at the custom officers claiming he was a member of the
American press, blah, blah blah about his self proclaimed importance. The
man is an ass with no journalistic resume of substance yet he is a co-host on
CNN. Be an arrogant right wing fool and you will succeed. Does he
remind you of anyone else?
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An Important Announcement from
Zelda Morgan All Hat No
Cattle has incorporated
Some of our readers have
been around a long time and may already know Lisa was teaching at a prison
full time while running this website on her own. Without my assistance, that
is quite a feat especially when you add radio personality, wife and mom to
the list of her vocations.
I am truly pleased Lisa has "prison" on her resume.
This is a true story. We were ordering a delightful, ladies lunch
overlooking the sound in Navarre, FL. We were dressed up cute and our make
up was ready for digital. The waitress said the vegetable du jour was "fried
pickles."
My new, best friend; and now business partner, Lisa said to the waitress,
"We had fried pickles in prison. No thank you."
Another true story; we incorporated this week. Lisa and I are officially
ready to devote ourselves full time to this website and do what we can to
justify our efforts to our friends and family by making a buck or two.
Lisa is the boss around here -- the queen bee, mother hen, crone in the
throne. I have shunned responsibility all my life and nothing has changed. I
am all about protecting my vacation time so I only have 25% (The contract
negotiations stopped here). Lisa hauls most of the bricks and has most of
the best ideas. Send your complaints straight to her
lisa@allhatnocattle.net I'm just a peon, junior partner, princess of the
project and Prima Dona writer in a pink tutu.
Lisa found an adorable lawyer/leprechaun to handle the boring details so it
is legit ... we are All Hat No Cattle, Incorporated.
We are socially aware and conservation oriented. We promise to use only
recycled and environmentally safe pixels in our web site. I admit some of my
material has been tested on animals. But it was not in a cruel manner. I
sometimes read my work to Dixie Dogue and PuddyTat to see if they laugh out
loud or crack a smile.
Anita Beer has offered her wit and witticisms to be duplicated on various
items for sale in our strip mall. So you can look forward to sharing some
laughs with your friends and family and neighbors and coworkers and
acquaintances.
And once Lisa works out the copyright deals with her plastic surgeon, she
might be able to peddle her face on a coffee mug or two.
We aim to please so we invite you to write to us with some of your favorite
toons or lines from my columns and we might put them on t-shirts, bumper
stickers or various substrates. We always remain open minded for any and all
suggestions.
Zelda
zeldamorgan@yahoo.com
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Zelda does great copy and I do great heads (errr,
headlines) and pithy quips. That's why Zelda wrote the above announcement.
We will soon be setting up our strip mall to
help cover the expense of running All Hat No Cattle. I am still
working on all the little details to be able to open our strip mall.
Thanks for all your emails and suggestions.
Remember, without you fabulous viewers AHNC would not exist and for that, we
both are grateful for your daily encouragement.
Ok, enough of the sappy banter.
Enjoy today's edition!
Lisa
lisa@allhatnocattle.net
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|
 Furniture
for the People
Rickie
Lee Jones
Rickie Lee Jones, musician extraordinaire, has a new website including
political commentary and networking. Excellent. In fact, I'm going to buy
her latest CD because she is not afraid of the Bushistas.
Visit her music website
http://www.rickieleejones.com
Say hi from Zelda and me. |
Visit the Wizard of Whimsy
http://home.comcast.net/~wizardofwhimsy/
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Quotes from Comedians and Politicians about George W. Bush:
George
W. Bush says that since he has been in the White House, he prays every day.
I'm thinking, 'Hell, same goes for us.'
- David Letterman
The Bush
operation reminds me of North Korea. You have a group of insanely loyal,
fiercely committed lunatics, devoting their lives to slavish devotion of a
moron whose only claim to power is that his father used to run the country.
George W. Bush is Kim Jong II with better hair.
- Paul Begala
What is
his accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?
- Ron Reagan Jr.
If
George W. Bush is a reformer, I'm an astronaut!
- John McCain
Sent in by MIA132
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Surgeons
Successfully Separate Michael Weiner Savage's Head from His Rectum
Though Not in Time to Save TV Show
http://www.fauxnewschannel.com
"Bring 'em on."
George W. Bush July 2003
"Mission Accomplished, Mr. President
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FABULOUS VIEWER
EMAIL
Conservative MSNBC news host
Joe Scarborough was a guest on MSNBC's Imus show Thursday, May 29.
In complementing Scarborough on his sense of humor, Imus said, "Don't be
afraid to be funny, because you are funny. I asked you why you aren't
in Congress. You said that you had sex with the intern and then you had to
kill her." To which Scarborough laughed, "Yeah, ha, ha ha., well,
what are you gonna do?"
To hear the interview go to
http://www.wfan.com/imusinstantreplay/ The quote is from May 29
and comes in near the end at 15:45
How could this "joke" possibly be funny to the family of Lori Klausutis?
Ms Klausutis is the Scarborough intern who was found dead in Scarborough's
Fort Walton Beach office on July 21, 2001. At the same time that cable news
shows on Fox and MSNBC were hounding Democratic Rep. Gary Condit over the
disappearance of Chandra Levy, whose real attacker was later caught,
Scarborough appears to have been granted a free pass. He is now the host of
his own late night news analysis show
on MSNBC.
Regardless of whether Scarborough actually murdered Lori Klausutis, his
casual joking about her death is inexcusable. Is this the kind of role model
MSNBC wants to present to America? Last month Scarborough engaged in a
successful campaign to have actor Danny Gloved fired as spokesman
for MCI because of Glover's political views, which Scarborough claimed were
anti-American.
Is this the America of today, where the a man who casually jokes about the
death of a young woman is put in a position to pass moral and
political judgment over the rest of us? Have we really come to this? I
certainly hope not.
Steve R
Sarasota, Florida
Dear Steve,
Republicans aren't investigated anymore. That
is why we Have President Cocky Locky. All we freedom loving Americans
can do is write MSNBC and complain.
news@msnbc.com and hope they come to their senses as they did by firing
Michael Savage. Scaraborough laughing at the death of his aide surely
rises to the level of what Michael Savage said about our gay Americans.
Lisa |
The fabulous Ragin' Cajun - James
Carville
I just read the book he co-authored with
Paul Begala Buck Up, Suck up and come back when you foul up
I was inspired .
AHNC is really terrific!
Keep up the good work!
Tom O'S.
Auburn, AL
Thanks Tom.
Enjoy your site. Finding truth from the
chicklets running our nation is
about as rare as seeing a republican at a "Get out the vote!" rally.
Dutch Schoenberger
Thanks Dutch. Are you calling us
Chicklets?
Lemon meringue level sounds scrumptious.
Wish Canada had joined the coaltion of the oilwellian, all we get to talk about
is one crappy mad cow. On my level meter Lisa and Zelda hit outrageously good
everyday......from gord......
Aw Gord, we're blushing.
MUCH MORE EMAIL TO COME IN TOMORROW'S
EDITION
The Great Barrier Reef from a NASA satellite. According to an official report,
the health of Australia's
world-renowned Great Barrier Reef is continuing to suffer from pollution,
over-fishing and rising sea temperatures.
Peace.
