Kerry should save himself some advertising money and just sit back and watch. "Only 12 days until we hand Iraq back over to the Iraqis. I don't think we're getting our security deposit back." —Jimmy Kimmel
"NBC announced that during the summer Olympics they will set a new record by airing over 1200 hours of coverage. Which is amazing because that's 10 hours longer than the coverage of Reagan's funeral." –Conan O’Brien The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam-News
Alternate Meanings for Words The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedl answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions 14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Disturbing News
Bush-Prisoner-torture-News
Republican Shenanigans
Republican Moonies?
Hail to the Moon king June 21, 2004 | You probably imagine your congressman hard at work in the Capitol debating legislation, making laws -- you know, governing. But your newspaper probably didn't tell you that one night in March, members of Congress hosted a crowning ritual for an ex-convict and multibillionaire who dressed up in maroon robes and declared himself the Second Coming....
Dayton, Coleman surprised that event was linked to Rev. Moon I wonder if we are being taken over by the Christian right or Sun Myung Moon? Just asking. "The former president and future best-selling author, Chelsea's father and my constituent." -- Sen. HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON introducing husband BILL CLINTON at his book party in New York, according to the New York Post.
Fans Line Up to Buy Clinton's Book Have fans ever lined up to buy a book by a republican president? "Bill Clinton said in an interview that will air on 60 Minutes, that he had an affair with Monica Lewinsky because he could -- and that he was with Paula Jones because he lost a bet." Jay Leno
Cheney's Churns Change the Dialogue from The Daily Scribble "Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said, 'No, I'm keeping him on the ticket.'" —Jay Leno Good News
Biz/Tech News
"John McCain was out campaigning with President Bush over the weekend. And the White House said they're doing it because they are on the same team. You know kind of the way Shaq and Kobe are on the same team." Jay Leno
John Kerry News
Break Time
Odd News
A molten mixture of gold, silver, copper and zinc that will be used to make 1,650 rings for U.S. Olympic athletes, coaches and staff is poured out of a furnace Thursday, June 17, 2004, at OC Tanner in Salt Lake City.(HO/Olympic Committee) Peace. |
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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