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Wednesday edition - April 16, 2008
"General David Petraeus was grilled by the presidential candidates and other congressional leaders on Capitol Hill for two days last week. He said he couldn't wait to get back to Iraq, where the government is much more friendly and compassionate." --Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
PTSD
The fourth suicide this year among mentally ill patients treated at the Dallas VA Medical Center has led the hospital to close its psychiatric ward to new patients, and investigators from the national Veterans Affairs office are expected to arrive next week to assess safety.
Barack Obama was called elitist on Sunday for saying small-town Americans turn to guns and religion when they get bitter. He should admit to being elitist. After eight years of a regular guy in the White House, a guy who is better than everybody might be a nice change of pace. - Argus Hamilton
Disturbing News
"Barack Obama had said small town Americas cling to things like their guns because they're bitter. That is ridiculous. You don't cling to your gun because you're bitter. You shoot your gun because you're bitter. Then you cling to it because it's so nice and warm." --Stephen Colbert
CNN Diplomacy
CNN said Wednesday that
commentator Jack Cafferty was referring to China's leaders — not the Chinese
people — when he described them as a "bunch of goons and thugs," and apologized
to anyone who thought otherwise.
Chris Matthews in the Senate? Now That’s Where We’ll REALLY See Some Old-Time ‘Hardball’
Republican Shenanigans
"Barack Obama got himself into a little hot water in Pennsylvania, when he said small town people become bitter, and cling to guns or religion because of economic problems. Well, sure, you pray your house doesn't repossess, and when they take it, you pull out your gun. Makes perfect sense." --Jay Leno
WSJ Parody
A parody of the Wall Street Journal that features a full-page spread of a topless Ann Coulter has miffed News Corp. execs to the point that they’re apparently attempting to keep the tabloid off the stands.
Rock-The-Voter News
Mitt Romney
pledged Thursday to raise fifteen million dollars for John McCain's campaign.
Perhaps he thinks it will help him get the VP nod. Perhaps he doesn't see the
raids on Texas polygamy ranches giving him a perception problem down the road. -
Argus Hamilton
Biz-Tech News
"You know we all hate paying taxes, but the truth of the matter is without our tax money, many politicians wouldn't be able to afford prostitutes." - Jimmy Kimmel
Who Says John McCain’s Tone-Deaf on the Economy?
Bush-Prison-Torture News
"The Pope will be here tomorrow. You know who's picking him up at the airport? President Bush. This is true. It's the first time the President has ever picked up a visiting leader at the airport. See, that's when you know your presidency is winding down, when you're picking up people at the airport. And they expect tens of thousands of well-wishers to show up. Tens for Bush and thousands for the Pope." --Jay Leno
Go-F***-Yourself News
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Odd News
Porites matrices grow in the Bravo Crater in this handout photo made available April 14, 2008. Coral is again flourishing in the crater left by the largest nuclear weapon ever detonated by the United States, 54 years after the blast on Bikini Atoll, marine scientists said on Tuesday. Quick, raise your hand if you want Bikini Atoll Mahi Mahi for dinner tonight.
Photo/Australian Research Council
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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