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Tuesday edition - April 15, 2008
"The number two man in Al Qaeda in iraq, terrorist mastermind Abu al-Masri, is dead. He is dead. He reportedly died of natural causes. Died of natural causes. That's when you know the war has been going on a long time. Okay? When your enemies just start dying of natural causes!" --Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
Quagmire Update
A series of conflicts with insurgent groups along Iran's borders may be impelling Tehran to back its own allies in Iraq in what it regards as a proxy war with the U.S., according to security experts and officials in the U.S., Iran and Iraq.
"A former Pentagon official said this week that before the start of the war in Iraq, former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld gave the Bush administration a list of horribles, things he believed could go wrong, which the Bush administration apparently mistook for a to-do list." --Amy Poehler
Disturbing News Republican + Open Mouth = Racist
Republican Rep. Geoff Davis
apologizing to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama on Monday after
referring to him as "that boy."
"This week in San Diego, a group of openly gay Republicans are holding their national convention. Openly gay republicans. Yeah. The gay convention is just like the regular convention, except instead of superdelegates, they have super fabulous delegates." --Conan O'Brien
Republican Shenanigans
"You know they had hearings this week, about Iraq, ... with General Petraeus, and John McCain had another senior moment, where he couldn't remember who the Sunnis are, the Shiites. I'm beginning to worry about this guy. They asked him afterwards if this would affect his presidential campaign, and he said, 'I'm running for President?'" --Bill Maher
Love Is In The Air
Jenna Bush will wear a "simple and elegant" wedding gown designed by Oscar de la Renta at her May 10 wedding: organza with embroidery, matte beading and a small train -- and yet "still casual." But don't expect any pictures beforehand: Fiance and "major traditionalist" Henry Hager doesn't want to see the dress until she walks down the aisle.
Rock-The-Voter News
"All the
candidates where there, and while the media was focusing on them and them asking
the questions, Senator Mel Martinez of Florida said to Senator John Thune of
South Dakota, 'We could be naked juggling, and no one would notice,' that's what
was said. 'We could be naked, and nobody would notice.' And Senator Larry Craig
said, 'I would.'" --Jay Leno
Biz-Tech News
Halliburton Update
Federal prosecutors say a
former employee of a
Halliburton subsidiary conspired with a Kuwaiti businessman to cheat the U.S.
military out of millions of dollars.
Bush-Prison-Torture News
"According
to his tax return last year, Vice President Cheney donated $166,000 to charity.
... Yeah, most of the money went to Cheney's favorite holiday charity, Coal for
Tots." --Conan O'Brien Go-F***-Yourself News
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Odd News
A rare white
albino alligator is seen during a photocall at the 'Serengeti' Safari park in
the northern German village of Hodenhagen April 2, 2008. The 14 year-old albino
alligator (Alligator mississppiensis), named 'White Diamond', was born in
Louisiana in the U.S. and grew up at the St. Augustin-Alligator Farm in Florida.
The only albino alligator in Europe, according to the organizer, is part of a
traveling reptile show 'Land der Reptilien' running at the Serengeti Safari park
until April 27, 2008.
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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