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Monday edition - April 14, 2008
I'm losing faith. I respectfully request that George W. Bush go land on that aircraft carrier again.- Zing!
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
Iran Missile Update
According to reports, new
satellite photos have revealed Iran’s secret long-range ballistic missile launch
site. It has been suspected for quite some time that Iran has been developing
these missiles,
which will be able to hit far-reaching targets throughout Europe.
Well, a new report says – from the Associated Press – says that the senior administration officials, the Bush Administration officials, met regularly in the White House to discuss and approve specific torture techniques. All the heavy-hitters were there: Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell and Ashcroft and Tenet. Everybody but Bush himself. They left him with a sitter. - Bill Maher
Disturbing News
Valerie Plame Update
Two people at the center of
the disclosure of a CIA officer’s identity will join a panel to discuss
censorship and other media concerns.
I tell you, between gasoline prices and the mortgage foreclosures, people are hurting. And you know who finally noticed this? John McCain. [He changed his position on people losing their homes from his original “Drop dead” to a new policy called “Go F**ck Yourself-Plus.” - Bill Maher
Republican Shenanigans
Holy Christ! Jesus Backs Up Obama on ‘Small Towns’
Rock-The-Voter News
Elton John had a big fundraiser for Hillary Clinton, and he scolded America. He said, “Hillary’s campaign is hindered by the misogynist attitudes of Americans.” Then he launched into his big hit, “The Bitch is Back.” - Bill Maher
For Political Parody, SNL Returns to its Roots
Never play a sport in public that you suck at. To connect with Pennsylvania's blue-collar voters, Barack Obama went bowling and scored a 37. And the right-wing had a field day. Joe Scarborough said he bowls like a four-year-old. And Ann Coulter offered to loan him one of her balls. But, you know who's a good bowler? George Bush. His specialty is pre-emptive strikes. - Bill Maher
Biz-Tech News
Have you seen that Olympic Torch trying to get home to China? The Olympic Torch having a very hard time making it to China. Here’s an idea: why don’t we attach it to one of our manufacturing jobs. - Bill Maher
Bush's Yes Man Can't Find Anyone To Say YES To
Alberto
R. Gonzales, like many others recently unemployed, has discovered how difficult
it can be to find a new job. Mr. Gonzales, the former attorney general, who was
forced to resign last year,
has
been unable to interest law firms in adding his name to their roster,
Washington lawyers and his associates said in recent interviews. Bush-Prison-Torture News
We're not paying for this war as we fight it. We are paying for this war on credit. Bush says he's a big tax-cutter. But he's not a tax-cutter. He's a guy who's going to raise your taxes far into the future when he's on his ranch. – Bill Maher
Scooter Libby Update
Former White House aide I.
Lewis "Scooter" Libby Jr. will not fight to keep his law license in
Pennsylvania.
Go-F***-Yourself News
Did you have a good time today?
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Odd News
In this photo
released by the Miami Beach Guitar Festival, guitar maker George Marlin strums
on his Big Foot creation at the Miami Beach Guitar Festival Sunday, April 13,
2008, in Miami Beach. The three-day festival that ends Sunday, attracted guitar
makers, musicians and guitar collectors from around the United States. According
to the National Association of Music Merchandisers, there are 30 million active
guitar players in the America, accounting for more than $1.5 billion in guitar
sales annually.
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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