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Thursday edition - March 6, 2008
"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad became the
first Middle Eastern leader to visit Iraq since Saddam Hussein fell, of let's
say of natural causes. Obviously, a visit from the Iranian leader to Iraq
prompts some concern, and still President Bush has a clear message he would like
the Iraqis to deliver to Ahmadinejad [on screen: Bush saying, 'The message needs
to be quit sending in sophisticated equipment that is killing our citizens. Stop
exporting terror. The international community is serious about continuing to
isolate Iran']. A strong message to send, but the Iraqi government owes us. I
mean, they owe their life to us. Certainly the president's message will be
delivered. Here's Ahmadinejad getting off the plan. They'll hit him. ... Wait,
what? [on screen: Ahmadinejad arrives to a red carpet and a child with flowers].
There appears to be kissing. Alright, now here's where they'll execute him. No,
he's being greeted by a child with flowers. A red carpet and a child with
flowers. Okay. To the untrained eye that may appear to be gracious, maybe even a
warm welcome, but I do want to point out that that little girl gave him
chrysanthemums. Everyone knows he is an orchid guy, so that's a bit of a f---
you." --Jon Stewart
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
Bush Diplomacy
A meeting brokered by Baghdad between Iran and the United States over Iraq's security was postponed Thursday, an Iraqi government official said, a day after Washington insisted no such talks were planned.
"Maybe we didn't make this clear, but we think the guy from Iran is a bit of an ah-mad-dick-ah-nejad. ... Did you think we wouldn't find out? I didn't want to say anything, but one phone call and you get this [on screen: the statue of Saddam Hussein being risen]. That's right. We can put the statutes right back where we found them, mister. After we built you an entire green zone. We could have gone with any color, but you wanted green. ... It would be nice when our sworn enemy visits your country that you give him a slightly tougher reception than the one he gets at Columbia University" --Jon Stewart
Disturbing News
The President is endorsing John McCain while Halliburton licks its chops at the prospect of 100 more years of War. - Grant Grever, www.seriouskidding.com
Federal Bureau of Obfuscation
The FBI acknowledged it improperly accessed Americans' telephone records, credit reports and Internet traffic in 2006, the fourth straight year of privacy abuses resulting from investigations aimed at tracking terrorists and spies.
Republican Shenanigans News
John McCain angered conservatives with his victory speech Tuesday. He thanked all the Democrats and independents for giving him the Republican nomination. Rush Limbaugh's doctors conferred the next morning and unanimously agreed to put him back on Hillbilly Heroin. - Argus Hamilton
Sign The Petition, Keep Jobs In America
Rock-The-Voter News
Biz/Tech News
“Now, according to a health report this week, obesity is more dangerous than terrorism. Yeah, in fact, to help fight obesity, President Bush announced today he’s going to start bombing Hometown Buffets.” - Jay Leno
Depressed Soldiers
U.S. troop
morale improved in Iraq last year,
but soldiers fighting in Afghanistan suffered more depression as violence there
worsened, an Army mental health report says. Bush-Prison-Torture News
“President Bush said today that he is very concerned about the acceleration of hostilities in the former Yugoslavia. See, again, I don’t think President Bush is really familiar with this region of the world. Like, he said today that ‘violence in Serbia could spread to suburbia and claim the lives of millions of suburbanites.’”- Jay Leno
Bush Shows Off Dance Steps
Go-F**k-Yourself News
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Search All Hat No Cattle Odd News
Water flows from the number one and two jet tubes at the Glen Canyon Dam Wednesday, March 5, 2008 in Page, Ariz. The Department of Interior is experimenting with high flows of water from the dam to help, in part, to rebuild beaches along the Colorado River that runs through the Grand Canyon. Photo/Matt York
Peace.
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