Thursday edition - March 6, 2008

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad became the first Middle Eastern leader to visit Iraq since Saddam Hussein fell, of let's say of natural causes. Obviously, a visit from the Iranian leader to Iraq prompts some concern, and still President Bush has a clear message he would like the Iraqis to deliver to Ahmadinejad [on screen: Bush saying, 'The message needs to be quit sending in sophisticated equipment that is killing our citizens. Stop exporting terror. The international community is serious about continuing to isolate Iran']. A strong message to send, but the Iraqi government owes us. I mean, they owe their life to us. Certainly the president's message will be delivered. Here's Ahmadinejad getting off the plan. They'll hit him. ... Wait, what? [on screen: Ahmadinejad arrives to a red carpet and a child with flowers]. There appears to be kissing. Alright, now here's where they'll execute him. No, he's being greeted by a child with flowers. A red carpet and a child with flowers. Okay. To the untrained eye that may appear to be gracious, maybe even a warm welcome, but I do want to point out that that little girl gave him chrysanthemums. Everyone knows he is an orchid guy, so that's a bit of a f--- you." --Jon Stewart
 

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

• US Military Deaths in Iraq at 3974 Guardian

• US forces kill 9 in northern Iraq raid AP

• Turks launch air, artillery strikes on Kurds in Iraq Houston Chronicle

• Fight over Chemical Ali's execution AP

• US:no need for more Iraq war permit from Congress Reuters

• Iraq recruits tribes who help oil smugglers to combat oil theft CNN International

• Plight of Iraqi women a 'national crisis' AFP

• France upholds freeze on sale of Saddam super-yacht AFP

• U.S. troops buy own gear for safety, style in battle The Christian Science Monitor

• VA estimates fewer homeless vets AP

• Gaza conditions at 40-year low say British aid groups AFP

• Venezuelan Military Reinforces Border with Colombia Voice of America

Bush Diplomacy

A meeting brokered by Baghdad between Iran and the United States over Iraq's security was postponed Thursday, an Iraqi government official said, a day after Washington insisted no such talks were planned.

"Maybe we didn't make this clear, but we think the guy from Iran is a bit of an ah-mad-dick-ah-nejad. ... Did you think we wouldn't find out? I didn't want to say anything, but one phone call and you get this [on screen: the statue of Saddam Hussein being risen]. That's right. We can put the statutes right back where we found them, mister. After we built you an entire green zone. We could have gone with any color, but you wanted green. ... It would be nice when our sworn enemy visits your country that you give him a slightly tougher reception than the one he gets at Columbia University" --Jon Stewart

Disturbing News

• Australians Unhurt in China After Bus Hijacker Is Killed Washington Post 

• Small Explosion Rocks New York's Times Square ABC News

• Killer still on the loose in Auburn University murder WALB-TV

The President is endorsing John McCain while Halliburton licks its chops at the prospect of 100 more years of War. - Grant Grever, www.seriouskidding.com

Federal Bureau of Obfuscation

The FBI acknowledged it improperly accessed Americans' telephone records, credit reports and Internet traffic in 2006, the fourth straight year of privacy abuses resulting from investigations aimed at tracking terrorists and spies.

Republican Shenanigans News

• Bush says McCain will stay the course in Iraq Boston Globe

• Bush backs McCain - will stump if asked to San Francisco Chronicle

• Bush and McCain dine on hot dogs at White House Reuters

John McCain angered conservatives with his victory speech Tuesday. He thanked all the Democrats and independents for giving him the Republican nomination. Rush Limbaugh's doctors conferred the next morning and unanimously agreed to put him back on Hillbilly Heroin. - Argus Hamilton

Sign The Petition, Keep Jobs In America

On Friday, February 29, Senator Murray stood with the men and women of Boeing in Everett as the Air Force announced that it would be outsourcing a $40 billion contract to build aerial refueling tankers to the European company Airbus. Boeing workers were shocked, angry, and wanted answers – and so does Senator Murray.
 

Rock-The-Voter News

• Clinton sees new race; Obama talks tough AP

• Do-over in Michigan and Florida? AP

Biz/Tech News

• Oil nears 105 dollars in Asian trade AFP

• Dollar hits third record low in a week AP

• Was Boeing led to offer wrong jet? HeraldNet, WA 

• Warren Buffett topples Bill Gates as world's richest AFP

• Lawyers say Houston suit against Halliburton should stay in court KTEN

• Disney to produce animation in Japan AP

“Now, according to a health report this week, obesity is more dangerous than terrorism. Yeah, in fact, to help fight obesity, President Bush announced today he’s going to start bombing Hometown Buffets.”

- Jay Leno

Depressed Soldiers

U.S. troop morale improved in Iraq last year, but soldiers fighting in Afghanistan suffered more depression as violence there worsened, an Army mental health report says.
 

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• Pentagon OKs charges against bin Laden aide Reuters South Africa
   

“President Bush said today that he is very concerned about the acceleration of hostilities in the former Yugoslavia. See, again, I don’t think President Bush is really familiar with this region of the world. Like, he said today that ‘violence in Serbia could spread to suburbia and claim the lives of millions of suburbanites.’”- Jay Leno

Bush Shows Off Dance Steps The Associated Press
 

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• Resident Runs for Congress In Hopes of Ousting Cheney Daily Californian, CA 

• Senate candidate asks board to indict Bush, Cheney Portsmouth Herald News, NH

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