Tuesday edition - March 4, 2008




US House panel calls hearing on tanker deal
Guardian, UK - 3-4-08

WASHINGTON, March 4 (Reuters) - Top US Air Force officials will testify on Wednesday at a hearing at a House Appropriations subcommittee on their decision...


China's computer hacking worries Pentagon
Los Angeles Times - 3-4-08
A report says the country now has the ability to get into networks around the world. WASHINGTON -- China in the last year has developed ways to infiltrate and manipulate computer networks around the


Iranian leader lends Iraq $1 billion, tells US to leave
Chicago Tribune - 3-4-08
During his visit, the first by an Iranian president since the Islamic revolution of 1979, Ahmadinejad was feted by Iraq's Shiite and Kurdish leaders. Even the Sunni vice president, Tariq al-Hashimi, turned up to greet him, though he was an hour late


"In a press conference today, President Bush announced America is not headed into a recession, especially if you own an oil company." --Jay Leno



The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

Meanwhile, Back In China


China on Tuesday dismissed as "Cold War" thinking a Pentagon report that says it is developing the ability to limit or prevent the use of satellites by potential adversaries during times of crisis.


"Yesterday, President Bush said that last year an intelligence gap opened up. Last year? Gee, didn't that open up about 2001, right after the inauguration?" --Jay Leno





Disturbing News




"They are talking about John McCain and his relationship with that hot blond lobbyist, Vicki. But I want to tell you something. After Senator Larry Craig, this is a Washington scandal the whole family can enjoy, don't you think?" --David Letterman

Remember when the GOP called the French "Cheese eating surrender monkeys"?


Sen. John McCain said Monday that he hasn't made up his mind on a $35 billion Air Force contract awarded to the parent company of French plane maker Airbus.



Republican Shenanigans News



"Just 48 hours after Homeland Security officials told Congress a 28-milelong virtual fence along the U.S./Mexican border was working, they now say it will be delayed three years because they can't get the video surveillance to work. Can't get it to work. Isn't that amazing? Do you realize, Homeland Security has less video surveillance than the New England Patriots." --Jay Leno


Flag pins are for losers -- literally



"This week, pictures of Democratic frontrunner Barack Obama appeared on the Internet, in what was clearly an underhanded attempt to make him look for a sushi chef [on screen: Obama in a traditional Somali dress]." --Seth Meyers



Election ‘08 Haiku

By Mad Kane

U.S. middle class
Nickel-and-dimed by George Bush.
Change way overdue.


Rock-The-Voter News




"Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary was born outside Chicago, and if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger." --Jay Leno





Biz/Tech News


"I am sick of Republican rule. I am, because first it was Senator Larry Craig and now the economy is in the toilet." --Bill Maher


Granny, Get Your Gun


 A Danish journalist came this close to getting shot Saturday by an elderly woman packing a pistol near President Bush's ranch here in what was easily the strangest incident I've ever witnessed covering the White House.



Bush-Prison-Torture News


"At the press conference, they asked him about the fact gas is approaching $4. You know what Bush said? He said, 'That's interesting. I hadn't heard that.' See, Bush thinks a news conference is where reporters give him the news" --Bill Maher


Go-F**k-Yourself News

You Should Have Just Said No, Moses!


High on Mount Sinai, Moses was on psychedelic drugs when he heard God deliver the Ten Commandments, an Israeli researcher claimed in a study published this week...Moses was probably also on drugs when he saw the "burning bush," ...






"High gas prices leave a bad taste in people's mouths, have you noticed that? That's mostly from the siphoning, but still it's a horror. ... In fact, gas is so expensive in L.A., now when you call 9-1-1, they ask you to meet the ambulance half way." --Jay Leno



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Odd News




A handout image from Blackpool Sealife Centre shows an octopus with six legs, or 'hexapus.' British marine experts have found what they claim is a world first -- a six-legged octopus, or "hexapus," who they have christened Henry.
Photo/Blackpool Sealife Centre