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eight tourists became the first Westerners to vacation in Iraq on an officially
sanctioned tour. They're taking spring break in Iraq, which is kind of like
spring break in Florida. Half get bombed. The other half get stoned." --Jay
The Other Endless War
Hundreds of federal agents, along with high-tech surveillance gear and drug-sniffing dogs, are headed to the Southwest to help Mexico fight drug cartels and keep violence from spilling across the U.S.-Mexico border, Obama administration officials said Tuesday.
"In a move
that will cost 300 Americans their jobs, the Federal government announced it
will no longer buy American-made condoms made in Alabama. We're now going to buy
cheaper condoms made in China. Does that make any sense? If Chinese condoms are
so good, why are there over one billion Chinese people?" --Jay Leno
Health Insurance Industry Update
The health insurance industry offered Tuesday for the first time to curb its controversial practice of charging higher premiums to people with a history of medical problems.
"Former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors." --Jay Leno
AIG Bonuses Are A Drop In The Bucket
The U.S. Treasury Department
preserved a payday for five banks
that was worth almost 200 times the bonuses handed out at American International
Group Inc. through a government rescue.
"The Obama Administration today unveiled their plan to deal with the so-called toxic assets. Those are those mortgage-backed securities all the financial institutions are holding. Apparently, the plan is to flood the banks with money, make them as liquid as possible, and then sort of soak up all these bad loans and take them away. See, they got this idea from watching those 'ShamWow' commercials." --Jay Leno
Ads by Google
If we use
the Bush barometer on how Barack Obama is doing, the answer is, well, he's doing
perfectly. He's kept us safe for 60 days. – Keith Olbermann
really want to find out what made Bernie Madoff did with all that money, we must
turn him over to Dick Cheney. After all, one outrageous pyramid scheme deserves
another. [slide of nude Abu Ghraib prisoner pyramid] - Bill Maher
Talk To The Hair
Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich filled in as a radio talk show host Wednesday, using the mike to complain he was "hijacked" from office and blasting the new governor's plans for an income tax increase.
To Help You Deflate Photo
Columbia Environment Minister Barry Penner (C) discusses the new restrictions
controlling the owning and breeding of exotic animals during a news conference
as Pisco the boa constrictor looks on at the aquarium in Vancouver, British
Columbia March 17, 2009. The provincial government has introduced new
regulations on several species, including types of mammals, amphibians and
reptiles that are a risk to public safety.
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