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Tuesday edition - March 18, 2008
Dick Cheney is a consistent guy, he's still lying after all these years.
"A blue-ribbon panel of educators put together by President Bush -- President Bush put these guys together. He's determined that other countries' kids are better at math because we try to teach our kids too much. Oh, that's the problem? We're teaching them too much. Teach them less and they'll learn more. In fact, don't teach them at all, they could grow up to be president of the United States." --Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
Iraq Was A Safer Place Without George Bush
Five years after the fall of Saddam Hussein, his memory lives on through wrist watches as people in his home town and birth village seek reminders of a time of safety, jobs and cheap living..."People love these Saddam watches," said Younes of the timepieces, which have a starting price of $100 and feature a smiling Saddam in military or Arab dress.
"Did you
see how much the dollar fell again today? ... The dollar is so low now, all of
Eliot Spitzer's hookers demand euros." --Jay Leno
Disturbing News
"More and more information is starting to come out about the young lady who charged the former governor $5,000 an hour for her services. It seems she's a singer. And on her MySpace page, she lists Celine Dion as one of her idols. Celine Dion. Of course, the big difference is, Celine Dion sang about going down on the Titanic." --Jay Leno
Republican Shenanigans News
"And Geraldine Ferraro has left Hillary Clinton's
campaign. She's no longer working for Hillary. She's got a new job in radio now.
She's the new sidekick for Don Imus." --Jay Leno
Spitzer's Replacement Cheated Too! What's In New York's Water? Viagra?
With his
predecessor's term doomed by a sex scandal, brand-new Gov. David Paterson tried
to come clean about his own skeletons
just hours after assuming office by acknowledging a years-old affair.
"With all the bad news about the economy today, John McCain started distancing himself from President Bush. In fact, McCain was running so fast from President Bush, he ran into Barack Obama, who was running from his minister, and Hillary, who was running from Geraldine Ferraro. And they all just collided." --Jay Leno
Rock-The-Voter News
Strange Bedfellows: Blackwater and Obama
A senior foreign policy adviser to leading Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama has told The Nation that if elected Obama will not "rule out" using private security companies like Blackwater Worldwide in Iraq. The adviser also said that Obama does not plan to sign on to legislation that seeks to ban the use of these forces in US war zones by January 2009, when a new President will be sworn in.
"Governor Eliot Spitzer has resigned. However, his hooker will finish her full
term, so that's exciting." --Jay Leno
If my priest had simulated Bill Clinton receiving oral sex on the altar at least a dozen women would have fainted in their pews.
That simulated sexual act on the altar of God by Jeremiah Wright offended me more than anything else he said. Would Jesus have simulated a sexual act to throw the moneychangers out of the Temple?
Biz/Tech News
How Low Can They Go?
The Federal Reserve is expected to aggressively lower interest rates in its intensified battle against the credit crisis and spreading economic weakness. The question is whether all of the effort will turn the tide.
Bush-Prison-Torture News
"Jack Kevorkian, remember him? The old suicide
doctor. 79-years-old, planning to run for Congress. Run for Congress? Wow, talk
about a politician with a lot of skeletons in his closet." --Jay Leno
The Oily Man Speaketh
Crude oil prices in excess of $100 a barrel reflect
the reality in the market place, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney said on Monday.
Go-F**k-Yourself News
"Poland's prime minister, Donald Tusk, visited President Bush in Washington this week to discuss modernizing the Polish military. Specifically, replacing all the screen doors on Polish submarines" --Amy Poehler
My
Polish friend's, please don't write and complain, because I'm half Polish and
half Lithuanian!
I hope you had a good time today!
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Odd News
Fiordland
penguins Milford, front, and Chalky run past a keeper while out for a stroll out
of their enclosure at Sydney's Taronga Zoo. Chalky and Milford along with
another male, Mr. Munro, are the only Fiordland penguins in captivity and are
listed as an vulnerable species found only in New Zealand's south.
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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