Wednesday edition - February 20, 2007

 

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Obama Takes Hawaii and Wisconsin in Decisive Fashion
Washington Post - 2-20-08
By Dan Balz Sen. Barack Obama won the Wisconsin Democratic primary and the Hawaii caucuses decisively last night, extending his winning streak to ten consecutive contests and dealing another significant blow to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton...

 

Al-Sadr Threatens to Lift Cease-Fire
The Associated Press - 2-20-08
BAGHDAD (AP) Radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr has threatened to lift by the end of the week a six-month cease-fire widely credited with helping

US commander: Iraq tours of duty may be cut 3 months
CNN - 2-20-08
BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Tours of duty for US soldiers in Iraq may be cut from 15 months to 12 if current improvements in security hold up, the US commander in Iraq said Tuesday. US Army Gen. David Petraeus and Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates in


 

"How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary." --David Letterman

 


 

 

 


The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News


 

"And Senator John McCain was on the Larry King show the other night. He and Larry got in a big argument over whose prostate was larger." --Jay Leno

 


A Meteor Or Did The Spy Satellite Crash?

 

An apparent meteor streaked through the sky over the Pacific Northwest early Tuesday, drawing reports of bright lights and sonic booms in parts of Washington, Oregon and Idaho.

Although a witness reported seeing the object strike the Earth in a remote part of Adams County, in southeast Washington, it had not been found.

 


 

 


 

 

 


Disturbing News


 

"And President Bush is now pushing Congress to expand the government's ability to spy on Americans now that the current phone tap bill has expired. In fact, to gain support for a new spying Bill, they're bringing in coach Bill Belichick. Yeah. They are going to rename it the New England Patriot Act." --Jay Leno

 


 

 


 

The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages.
You'll want to be the first at your corporation to make a contribution
to this great man's legacy.

The Library will include:

The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.

The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you can't remember anything.

The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't have to even show
up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room (Which no one has been able to
find).

The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to
go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tours.

The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with
shooting gallery.

Plans also include: The K-Street Project Gift Shop - Where you can buy
(or just steal) an election.

The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite
Republican Senators.

Last, but not least, there will be an entire floor devoted to a 7/8
scale model of the President's ego.

To highlight the President's accomplishments, the museum will have an
electron microscope to help you locate them.

When asked, President Bush said that he didn't care so much about the
individual exhibits as long as his museum was better than his father's
 


 

Republican Shenanigans News


"President Bush met the president of Tanzania yesterday and he gave him a pair of Shaquille O'Neal's sneakers. The president of Tanzania was thrilled and plans to use Shaq's shoes as a house for hundreds of his people." --Conan O'Brien


www.offthewahl.com


Rock-The-Voter News


 

 

 


 

Biz/Tech News


 

"Congress is holding hearings on baseball and steroids. Congress is committed to removing performance-enhancing drugs from baseball. You know, I got a better idea. Why don't we get performance-enhancing drugs out of baseball and give them to Congress? What is their approval rate? 13%? Maybe it would help." --Jay Leno

 


 

 


Bush-Prison-Torture News


 

"Former President George H.W. Bush will endorse Senator John McCain for president. They have been close friends since the Civil War and the former president says that John McCain is the only candidate who has the strength, the leadership and the vision to dig America out of this giant hole his son has put us in." --Jimmy Kimmel

 


 

 

 


 

Go-F**k-Yourself News


 

"And the Pentagon is now planning to shoot down a broken satellite that's falling to Earth. The satellite is the size of a school bus, and they want to blow it up before it hits us. Yeah. In fact the actual plan, they're going to have Roger Clemens throw a second school bus at it." --Jay Leno

 


 

 

 


 

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Odd News


 

 

In this photo released by the Australian Antarctic Division, tunicates, an animal that resembles glass tulips are seen in Antarctic waters in January 2008. Scientists investigating the icy waters of Antarctica said  they have collected mysterious creatures including giant sea spiders the size of dinner plates and huge worms living in the murky depths. Australian experts taking part in an international program to take a census of marine life in the ocean at the far south of the world collected specimens from up to 2,000 meters (6,500 feet) beneath the surface, and said many may never have been seen before.
Photo/Australian Antarctic Division,Martin Riddle

 

Peace.