Wednesday edition - February 20, 2007
Obama Takes Hawaii and Wisconsin in Decisive Fashion
Al-Sadr Threatens to Lift Cease-Fire
US commander: Iraq tours of duty may be cut 3 months
"How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary." --David Letterman
15 Police Killed in Rocket Blast
Pakistan President Refuses to Step Down
"And Senator John McCain was on the Larry King show the other night. He and Larry got in a big argument over whose prostate was larger." --Jay Leno
A Meteor Or Did The Spy Satellite Crash?
An apparent meteor
streaked through the sky over the Pacific Northwest early Tuesday, drawing
reports of bright lights and sonic booms in parts of Washington, Oregon and
Although a witness reported seeing the object strike the Earth in a remote part of Adams County, in southeast Washington, it had not been found.
"And President Bush is now pushing Congress to expand the government's ability to spy on Americans now that the current phone tap bill has expired. In fact, to gain support for a new spying Bill, they're bringing in coach Bill Belichick. Yeah. They are going to rename it the New England Patriot Act." --Jay Leno
The George W Bush
Presidential Library is now in the
You'll want to be the first at your corporation to make a contribution
to this great man's legacy.
The Library will include:
The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you can't remember anything.
The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't have to even show
The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room (Which no one has been able to
The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to
go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tours.
The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with
Plans also include: The K-Street Project Gift Shop - Where you can buy
(or just steal) an election.
The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite
Last, but not least, there will be an entire floor devoted to a 7/8
scale model of the President's ego.
To highlight the President's accomplishments, the museum will have an
electron microscope to help you locate them.
When asked, President Bush said that he didn't care so much about the
individual exhibits as long as his museum was better than his father's
Republican Shenanigans News
"President Bush met the president of Tanzania yesterday and he gave him a pair of Shaquille O'Neal's sneakers. The president of Tanzania was thrilled and plans to use Shaq's shoes as a house for hundreds of his people." --Conan O'Brien
Oil price closes above $100 for first time
Two Gift Retailers File for Bankruptcy CNNMoney.com
Microsoft steps up Yahoo campaign BBC News
"Congress is holding hearings on baseball and steroids. Congress is committed to removing performance-enhancing drugs from baseball. You know, I got a better idea. Why don't we get performance-enhancing drugs out of baseball and give them to Congress? What is their approval rate? 13%? Maybe it would help." --Jay Leno
Rigged Trials at Gitmo - The Nation
"Former President George H.W. Bush will endorse Senator John McCain for president. They have been close friends since the Civil War and the former president says that John McCain is the only candidate who has the strength, the leadership and the vision to dig America out of this giant hole his son has put us in." --Jimmy Kimmel
Cheney to stump for Walberg in Marshall Battle Creek Enquirer, MI
"And the Pentagon is now planning to shoot down a broken satellite that's falling to Earth. The satellite is the size of a school bus, and they want to blow it up before it hits us. Yeah. In fact the actual plan, they're going to have Roger Clemens throw a second school bus at it." --Jay Leno
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Kirstie Alley Launching Her Own 'Weight-Loss Brand'
photo released by the Australian Antarctic Division, tunicates, an animal that
resembles glass tulips are seen in Antarctic waters in January 2008. Scientists
investigating the icy waters of Antarctica said they have collected
mysterious creatures including giant sea spiders the size of dinner plates and
huge worms living in the murky depths. Australian experts taking part in an
international program to take a census of marine life in the ocean at the far
south of the world collected specimens from up to 2,000 meters (6,500 feet)
beneath the surface, and said many may never have been seen before.
Photo/Australian Antarctic Division,Martin Riddle