Thursday edition Y February 14, 2008

Don't you think Harriet Miers would look lovely in an orange jumpsuit?

"Boy, talk about a black eye for baseball. You know what's happening today? Congressional investigations into Roger Clemens and the steroid use begin tomorrow. And it's interesting, you know? We didn't get bin Laden but by God, we're nailing this guy." --David Letterman
 

The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News

• US military deaths in Iraq at 3,960 AP

• Iraq car bomb kills 4 in Sadr City - police Reuters

• US extends sanctions against Syria, says it subverts Iraq efforts CNN International

• Pause means US Iraq force likely larger for longer Reuters

• Iraqi security adviser wants no troop withdrawal pause Reuters

• Bulgarian parliament approves extending troops mandate in Iraq AFP

• Rice admits errors in Iraqi, Afghan reconstruction Reuters

"The government is going to be handing out rebate checks. We're like a bad car dealership now in this country, handing out the rebate checks. They're trying to restore confidence in the U.S. economy. The bad news - half the people want the money in euros, the other half want it in pesos." --Jay Leno

Meanwhile, Back In Cuba...

CUBA has demanded the US return Guantanamo Bay to the island nation and denounced the "war on terror" prison, where six detainees could face the death penalty. The United States, which has occupied Guantanamo for more than 100 years, signed in 1934 a lease agreement with the Cuban government that could not be altered without agreement by both countries.

Disturbing News

• CDC: Gulf Coast trailers have toxic air AP

• NYPD warns of chlorine terror risk AP

"Scientists for the United States Army have developed a sandwich that can remain edible for three years. Well, if that doesn't get guys to re-up, nothing will. Let me tell you, that shows you how dedicated our armed forces are. I mean, the other side offers their guys, what, 72 virgins? We get a 3-year-old sandwich." --Jay Leno

W Kisses AND Holds Hands With Their King

A leading human rights group appealed to Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah on Thursday to stop the execution of a woman accused of witchcraft and performing supernatural acts.

Republican Shenanigans News

• Bill Curbing Terror Interrogators Is Sent to Bush, Who Has Vowed ... New York Times

• House GOP leadership backs McCain Houston Chronicle

• What the Huck? Salon

• Archbishop of San Antonio not happy about Hillary’s Catholic ... Catholic News Agency

• Justice Alito sounds off on 'Sopranos' AP

Condi Defends 56 False Statements! 56!

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice vehemently defended her integrity on Wednesday when asked about an independent report that found she made 56 false statements on the threat posed by Saddam Hussein's Iraq.

www.buckfush.com

U.S. Navy jets intercepted Russian bombers that buzzed the carrier USS Nimitz Sunday. They're tired of hearing U.S. officials say al-Qaeda is the number-one threat to America. The Russians might have lost the Cold War but they still have their pride. - Argus Hamilton

The Masochistic Senator

The Senate Ethics Committee has sent Sen. Larry Craig a letter scolding him for last summer's Minneapolis airport sexcapade.

The three-page Public Letter of Admonition closes the committee's inquiry of the three-term Idaho Republican, who has sought to withdraw his guilty plea to disorderly conduct after being snared in a police sex sting.
 

"Very awkward moment in the Hillary Clinton campaign today. I guess Hillary told her staff to call Democrats with money, and they called Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

Rock-The-Voter News

• Obama criticizes Clinton, sets sights on McCain Atlanta Journal Constitution

• Japan's Obama city cheers Democrat contender Reuters 

• Bill Clinton Talks With MTV News About Hillary's Hopes: 'I'm ... MTV.com 

• Bill Clinton, Unplugged: Calls Shuster's Comments 'Careless, Crass ... ABC News

• Carville: Hillary Must Win Ohio and Texas or 'This Thing Is Done' ABC News

Biz/Tech News

• Iran oil official sees prices sliding before Nov Reuters UK

• Stocks fall following Bernanke comments AP

• Trade deficit falls after 5 record years AP

• Yahoo Sends Letter to Shareholders Over Microsoft Bid PC World

• Google to enter China's online music sector Reuters

Rupert Murdoch  to Rescue Yahoo!?

Yahoo Inc. hopes media conglomerate News Corp. can rescue it from a Microsoft Corp. takeover — or at least prove the slumping Internet pioneer is worth more money than its unsolicited suitor wants to pay.
 

Here's how you give George W. Bush a third term: vote McCain. - Grant Gerver, www.seriouskidding.com

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• US Compares 9/11 Trials to Nuremberg The Associated Press

• Defendants' Lawyers Fear Loss of Potential Evidence at Guantanamo Bay Washington Post

Here's the Dream Lineup: Obama: President, Hillary: Vice President, Biden: Secretary of State, Edwards: Attorney General, Bill: Press Secretary - Grant Gerver, www.seriouskidding.com

Go-F**k-Yourself News

• DeFazio adds his clout to Cheney impeachment push The Oregonian

• Scalia Weighs in Again on Controversy The Associated Press

Please support All Hat No Cattle or if you can't, at least e-mail me a Valentine's Day greeting!

• Judge tells actor Mel Gibson "You're on your own" Reuters

• What's in a name? Everything in U.S. president race Reuters

• Join the Army, buy a house? AP

• Dallas shelter takes in Chinese acrobats AP

• Cat pulls a fast one on firefighters AP

• Ghost-like white stag spotted Reuters

• Radio station giving away free divorce AP