TGIF/Weekend edition - February 13-15, 2009

Prosecutors have asked a Federal judge to send Marion Barry, the former mayor of Washington, D.C., to jail for failing to file tax returns for the eighth time in nine years. Hasn’t paid taxes for eight years straight. So for Barry, it’s either jail or a cabinet position in the Obama administration. Either one. - Jay Leno
 

http://pabloonpolitics.com/

The-World-Will-Be-A-Safer-Place-Without George W. Bush

• US military deaths in Iraq war at 4,243 AP

• Suicide bomber kills 30 in Iraq BBC News, UK

• Children killed in Afghan shootout with Australians Reuters

• British soldier dies in Iraq 'shooting incident' AFP

• UK military costs in Afghanistan and Iraq soar to £4.5bn guardian.co.uk

• Military struggles to track Afghans' weapons AP

• Army doc, 74, soldiers on toward 3rd tour overseas The Associated Press

• Cadets told getting help won't hurt their careers AP

• EU voices concern over Pakistan scientist Reuters

• Clinton Deputy Sees Positive Path for North Korea in Nuclear Talks Voice of America

• US Navy, Russians seize 26 pirates off Somalia AP

• U.S. offers Moscow concession on missile shield Reuters

• Last Russian general warns US on Afghanistan AP

Saudi Warns Of Impending Personal Nightmare

Saudi Arabia Oil Minister Ali al-Naimi warned on Tuesday that a too quick promotion of investments in alternative energies could chill investments in the oil sector and create a "nightmare scenario."

"The last thing that I think we are looking for at this juncture is advice on fiscal integrity or ethics from Karl Rove -- anyone who's read the newspapers for the last eight years would laugh at that."
- David Axlerod, senior adviser to President Barack Obama

Disturbing News

• Fiery plane crash in upstate NY kills 50 AP

• Army major kills himself over Bernard Madoff fraud debts Telegraph.co.uk

• Call for calm as Australia hit by more shark attacks AFP

• Dead rodents at peanut processor lead to recall CNN

Happy birthday, Governor Sarah Palin, who turned 45 years old today. Hey, I thought this was nice. She got a lovely card in it with $5 from John McCain. After Palin opened her card, she did some shots - two moose and a caribou. - Jay Leno

 

Republican-Shenanigans News

• Defense papers reveal 'terror' excess: rights groups AFP

• Republicans Continue to Hammer White House Over Census Washington Post

• Republican governors at odds on US stimulus cash Reuters

• Cantor aide apologizes for profane video response Culpeper Star Exponent, VA

• Gregg withdraws as commerce secretary nominee AP

• Gay couples protest at marriage bureaus across US The Associated Press

• Karl Rove Tweets His Hunting Trip mediabistro.com, NY
   

Enron Update

Former Enron Corp Chief Executive Jeffrey Skilling will ask for U.S. Supreme Court review of his 2006 felony conviction stemming from the energy trading giant's collapse, his attorney said on Thursday.

"We will seek review by the Supreme Court," Skilling's attorney, Daniel Petrocelli, said in an email.

A federal appeals court ruled last month that Skilling must be resentenced because of a lower court error, but let stand his conviction.
 

Gov. Charlie Crist (R-FL) stood up Jeb Bush for President Obama, Really!

Rock-The-Voter News

• Congress set to pass stimulus plan, send to Obama Reuters

• Emanuel: Stimulus bill is 90% Of What Obama Wanted New York Daily News, NY

• Obama must find commerce secretary _ again The Associated Press 

• Obama pokes fun at failed commerce pick AP

• Senate confirms Panetta as CIA director CNN

Joy Behar had lofty aspirations for 2009. “[I wanted] to be named New York senator,” she said at the Woman’s Day Red Dress Awards. “I can’t believe [Gov] Paterson didn’t ask. I even had a slogan: ‘Make the switch, vote for the bitch.’

How about this? A celebrity birthday. Today is Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s birthday. I’m not saying how old is, but from her house, she can see 50.

- David Letterman

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Biz-Tech News

• Oil climbs above $34 on mortgage reports The Associated Press

• Oil supplies in focus as China's Hu visits Saudi Arabia AFP

• 60% Saudis don’t have own houses, says NSHR chief Arab News, Saudi Arabia 

• Houston-based Stanford investment firm under scrutiny Houston Chronicle

• Air France to Cut 2000 Jobs After EU505 Million Loss Bloomberg

• EU car sales plummet 27 percent in January Forbes

• Toyota cutting US execs' pay, offering buyouts AP

• Microsoft offers $250K bounty for worm creator CNN

• On the hunt for $1B in Madoff assets in Ireland Newsday, NY

 Take The Fifth!

After rebuffing subpoenas for weeks, a close associate and key middleman for Bernard Madoff essentially had one thing to say when he finally showed up to testify before Massachusetts regulators: I'm not talking.

Robert Jaffe, who had delivered clients to Madoff, invoked the "Fifth Amendment,"

Bush-Prison-Torture News

• US asks to hold Gitmo detainees to avoid bad press The Associated Press

• US welcomes Lithuania talks on Guantanamo prisoners AFP

How about this? It’s a good example of how strange things are and how time flies. On this date in 2006, then-Vice President Dick Cheney shot his buddy in the face. Tell me again why he’s not in jail? How did that work?- David Letterman

What Is Dubya Doing?

Former U. S. president George W. Bush is coming to Calgary for his first confirmed speaking event since leaving office last month.

The private event, which is being called A conversation with George W. Bush, will be held March 17 at the Telus Convention Centre.

Bush will share his "thoughts on his eight momentous years in the Oval Office" and will discuss "the challenges facing the world in the 21st century," according to the event invitation.
 

Babe Ruth hit 60 home runs the old-fashioned way, on beer and hot dogs. - Zing!

Email

Dear, Dear Lisa;

Again, I feel I speak for thousands of your fans: You gave us hope, comfort, inspiration and laughs during the Bush nightmare.

Please hang in there as long as you can. I wish I could help, but I barely made to the finish line in 2008...2 daughters in college. I did break even.

I was drafted in 1968 and did the best I could as an ER medic in a Vietnam MASH. You volunteered.

Thank you for your great service to America.

Greg

Big hug, Greg. No one has ever said that to me before.

Here's hoping my cockeyed optimism will come to fruition.

AHNC weekend commentary

Show compassionate conservativism to right-wingers this Valentine’s Day

All Hat No Cattle has been fretting all week over appropriate gifts for right-wingers this Valentine’s Day.

Some great ideas for the women on our list were provided by the flurry of television commercials promoting two products – Teddy bears and sexy pajamas.

Ann Coulter gets Vicious Teddy Bear, which is similar to the ever-so-cute, stuffed toy animals seen on TV except it that it is attired more formally. Vicious Teddy Bear sports a Nazi SS uniform, a monocle and a riding crop. It is purported to have “ways of making you talk” that were refined during interrogations at Guantanamo.

Laura Ingraham gets pajamas. Not one of the hottie outfits modeled in the TV ads, but the more practical “back door” style usually worn by young children, making it easier for them to go to the bathroom. This is vital for Laura, Queen of Right-Wing Radio, because she’s so full of crap.

And what to get for those special guys on our list?

AHNC considered sending a heart-shaped box of chocolates to Rush Limbaugh but decided on something less fattening because he has been working so hard to maintain his svelte figure. Maybe a jar of peanuts from that now-famous processing plant in Blakeley, Ga.?

Of course Rush might not want any kind of food gift other than red meat. That is, after all, the daily diet he serves up to his faithful ditto heads.

Then again, maybe Rush would prefer something more pragmatic than the usual hearts-and-flowers Valentine’s gift. Perhaps a forged prescription for Oxycontin? Or a tube of medicinal cream for the anal cysts that he claimed as a deferment to avoid military service during the Vietnam War? That’s it – meds for Rush!

For Republican Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, a romantic gift is certainly in order. Ever since he admitted in 2007 to "a very serious sin in my past" after his telephone number turned up in the records of a prostitution ring, Vitter has been laying low – no pun intended. So we’ve sent him a bottle of Viagra and a brand new, little black book. (The first phone number he should write down is that of Stormy Daniels, the porn film star who just announced she might run against Vitter.)

We haven’t forgotten former President Bush. AHNC sent him an attractive, heart-shaped card with a heartfelt greeting: You’re gone. Mission accomplished.

Somebody on our list does deserve flowers, and this Valentine’s Day it will be Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz. Loads and loads of flowers – 4,243 to be exact.

These three neo-cons, the principal architects of the unnecessary war in Iraq, won’t be getting red roses, though. AHNC is sending them white lilies, which they can redistribute one per family for each of the U.S. troops who have died in Iraq. 

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