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I will eat Bush's hat if he wins this debate.
"I don't
want to say who won that first debate, but today the FCC is furious
and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no clothes."
-- Bill Maher
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I’ve decided to vote for President Bush -– and not because of his outstanding performance in the first debate.
Most Americans love to see handicapped people overcome their disabilities, so it was inspiring to watch Dubya grapple simultaneously with facial incontinence and suppressed brain function.
But that’s not why I’ve decided on Dubya.
Like many Floridians, I now live in a Third World region dependent on MREs from the National Guard and checks from FEMA. Many of us have joined the ranks of low-wage or no-wage conservatives, those one- and two-issue voters with slogans such as “Having a gun is better than a job.”
So any kind of government handout is vital in securing our votes. Why, it was Dubya who got those hefty $600 per household income tax refunds for a us a couple years ago, and it’s Dubya who just told FEMA to pick up a larger share of hurricane recovery costs than the agency has in the past.
That’s great news for Florida and Dubya’s little brother, the governor.
All Hat No Cattle executives (both of them) right now are mulling over how to spend the $400 and change that is anticipated from FEMA.
The publisher wants to buy more tar paper for the roof or food to restock the refrigerator, but I’m lobbying for extra ammo in case of looters. And beer; lots and lots of beer.
I still plan to watch the Friday night debate between Bush and John Kerry, even though my mind’s made up for Dubya (if the FEMA check arrives).
I want to see if the president has regained control of his facial expressions and verbal skills. And I want to see if his handlers have been able to load the audience for the town hall-style forum with Republicans.
Dubya does well with a friendly crowd, even when he doesn’t do well with English.
I’ll also watch the third and last debate, which will be devoted to domestic issues like the faltering economy. This is where many political pundits predict Bush will have his toughest time with Kerry.
The Democratic challenger is certain to bring up pesky subjects like the record budget deficit created under Bush, the loss of hundreds of thousands of jobs, the continuing lack of a national health care program, and tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy.
And I’ll provide fair, unbalanced commentary on the second and third debates -- even though I’ve decided to vote for Bush because he’s the better candidate. And because the money from FEMA should have arrived by then.
In Florida, the 2000 election was the laughingstock of the nation. This year, it might be the best election money could buy.
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This section keeps getting longer and longer
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"(Friday) is the second presidential debate, or as Republicans are calling it, 'Fear Factor'." –- Jay Leno
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Cheney Once Pushed to Lift Iran Sanctions
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"Bush and
Kerry's first debate was held last Thursday. While neither candidate
delivered a knock-out punch, polls indicate John Kerry was the winner.
Though Bush later complained it was because he couldn't get his buzzer to
work."
-- Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live
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TGIF: Don't forget to watch the debate Friday night. Have a wonderful weekend.
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Peace.
