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Monday edition - January 7, 2008
I guess Bush's mom never taught him to wipe his nose with his crisp linen handkerchief tucked in his Brooks Brothers suit.
"They say al Qaeda is now trying to recruit women. See, this kinda makes you wonder what does al Qaeda promise women to become terrorists? Like men get the 72 virgins. What do women get -- 50 guys that help around the house?" - Jay Leno
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
Another Secret Prison?
As the Bush administration struggles for a way to close the military prison at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, a similar effort to scale down a larger and more secretive American detention center in Afghanistan has been troubled by political, legal and security problems, officials say.
Disturbing News
Rolling Out The Red Carpet for King George
Israeli officials in Jerusalem are to deploy more than 10,000 police officers in a vast security operation ahead of the arrival this week of George Bush, the first US president to visit in a decade. Graffiti are being cleaned off walls, road markings are being repainted and hundreds of American flags are being put up across the city. The floodlights which illuminate the stone ramparts of the Old City will stay on for an extra two hours every night, until 2am, to give the president the chance to catch the view....Bush, who arrives on Wednesday for his first visit as president, will stay at the King David hotel. Eight truckloads of equipment have already arrived in advance of his two-night stay. All the hotel's rooms will be taken by his entourage - tourists have had their bookings cancelled.
"The Writers Guild strike does continue. Fortunately, we've been able to negotiate an agreement but the strike continues. ... Here's what the writers want and you tell me if you don't think this is fair. Here's all they want: The Writers Guild wants a share of Internet revenues and four more years of President Bush." --David Letterman
Republican Shenanigans
Chef Admits Bush Is Crackers
Bush, who called Scheib “cookie,” “wanted his food to hit the table at the same time his posterior hit the chair,” and would never eat anything green or “wet.” What did he eat? Almost exclusively BLTs, grilled-cheese sandwiches made with Kraft singles and white bread, peanut-butter-and-honey sandwiches, and hamburgers. Whichever item Scheib had at the ready, the president would reject. (Scheib learned to anticipate this, keeping all four foods prepared at all times.) In his final weeks on the job, Scheib admitted he was fired, rather than saying he resigned. For this perceived act of disloyalty, he was immediately dismissed.
Rock-The-Voter News
“No, I always love when they campaign because you always see the candidates holding up ears of corn” because “that’s what they grow in Iowa. … See, how come they don’t do that when they come to L.A.? Like, you don’t see the candidates on Hollywood Boulevard, arm around a hooker, big vial of crack.” - Jay Leno
Bush Officials Blow Another CIA Operation
Senior U.S.
officials, concerned over intelligence reports that al Qaeda and the Taliban are
more intent on destabilizing Pakistan, are considering expanding the authority
of the CIA and the military to conduct far more aggressive covert operations
there, the New York Times said on Sunday.
"Because of the strike ... many of the awards shows may be cancelled this
season. So, something good has come from all of this." --David Letterman
Biz-Tech News
US Dollar Axed in India
In a sign of how the once-mighty U.S. dollar has fallen, India's tourism minister said Thursday that U.S. dollars will no longer be accepted at heritage tourist sites, including the Taj Mahal.
Bush-Prison-Torture News
George McGovern on Impeachment
"Bush and
Cheney are clearly guilty of numerous impeachable offenses," McGovern writes.
"They have repeatedly violated the Constitution. They have transgressed national
and international law. They have lied to the American people time after time. Go-F***-Yourself News
Why are candidates not addressing Britney issues? - Grant Gerver, www.seriouskidding.com
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Odd News
View of the Popocatepetl volcano, near Puebla, 120
km east from Mexico City. The volcano put on a spectacular show Saturday,
spewing out a huge, billowing cloud of ash and steam eight kilometers (five
miles) high, but creating little danger, officials said.
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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