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Thursday edition - January 31, 2007
It's 2008 and Bush has the freedom to torture people. I guess that is one of the freedoms the terrorists hate us for.
"The experts are saying the State of the Union address was very ambitious. President Bush said he plans to introduce dozens of bold, new mispronunciations." --David Letterman
The-World-Is-A-Safer-Place-Without-Saddam News
A Million Reasons to Impeach Bush
More than one million Iraqis have died because of the war in Iraq since the US-led invasion of the country in 2003, according to a study published Wednesday.
Disturbing News
"It's frightening to be alive, walking around this planet in 2008. Listen to this. A 20,000-pound satellite has burned out. ... It's going to crash into us. It's already starting to plummet and soon it will explode. There's going to be a fire. Oh, no, wait a minute. I'm sorry, I'm thinking about the Giuliani campaign" --David Letterman
Republican Shenanigans News
"President Bush said the State of the Union was good, not as good as his buddies at Exxon, but still pretty good." --Jay Leno
Meanwhile, Back to the First Bush War
Afghanistan risks sliding into a failed state and becoming the "forgotten war" because of deteriorating international support and a growing violent insurgency, according to an independent study.
Subject: You Making fun of Bill Clinton
I am sure the FreePers
would love your Clinton "Zipper" joke...unfortunate to see it your your swell
site!
Hi
L,
Remember the FBI searched Chelsea's underwear drawer looking for Whitewater information. Bill and Hillary already have been vetted. We know what we're getting.
My only worry is that the Republicans are going to
send in their armament (dumb gorgeous women) to tempt Bill...I bet they already
have. I just hope they don't have videotape.
"Faith is playing a big part in this year's election. You have Huckabee, the evangelical guy. See, these fellas get a lot of people concerned about the separation of church and state. Do you know how that came about? Anybody know? See, the separation of church and state was made very clear by our founding fathers. See, what they did is they looked at the Ten Commandments. 'Thou shall not steal. Thou shall not bear false witness. Thou shall not commit adultery.' Then they looked at Congress and realized these two could never come together, we have to separate them" --Jay Leno
Rock-The-Voter News
"You
know, that's what everybody is worried about. They say that Bill will actually
be calling the shots. ... They will be the co-presidents. And I'm thinking this
is going to be tremendous. You know what it is going to be like? It's going to
be like Regis and Kelly." --David Letterman Laura Bush’s Popularity Drops
A recent Pew Research Center poll finds that First Lady Laura Bush’s favorability rating has dropped “sharply” in recent years, right along with her husband’s numbers. Once “almost universally liked” (with a 70 percent approval rating in Aug. 2004), just a slim majority of Americans (54 percent) now have a favorable impression of the first lady.
Biz/Tech News
Oily Profits
Shell was
today accused of making "obscene" profits at a time when pensioners, motorists
and industry are struggling with higher energy prices when it unveiled annual
earnings of $27.6bn (£13.9bn).
"President Bush also promoted his stimulus package, where each American will get
$600. This is part of the 'You Got Screwed, But Here's The Cab Fare Plan.'"
--Jay Leno
Bush-Prison-Torture News
Coal Plant Canceled
The Energy Department on
Wednesday canceled a futuristic, virtually emissions-free coal plant scheduled
to be built in Illinois, saying
it preferred to spend the money on a handful of projects around the country that
would demonstrate the capture and burial of carbon dioxide from commercial power
plants.
"During the State of the Union address, whoa what
a rowdy crowd. Crazy crowd. At one point, Cheney had to fire a couple of shots
in the air." --David Letterman
Go-F**k-Yourself News
"It was such a riveting speech, the State of the Union speech, Senator Larry Craig only took two bathroom breaks." --David Letterman
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Odd News
Horses make their way through the snow-covered Yshkonyr plateau, some 50 kilometers (31 miles) south-west Almaty, Kazakhstan, January 27,
2008.
Peace.
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"Lisa, Congrats on your sweep! As George Bush might have said, 'Lucky me, I hit the trifecta.' Seriously, I'm glad to be able to salute you and all the great laughs you provide." - Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor.
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